SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is February 28th, 2024, 11:36pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
Scripts of the One Week Challenge.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration-->

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Review My Logline  ›  Dead Dilemma - Log Line Moderators: LC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Dead Dilemma - Log Line  (currently 343 views)
SamIHam
Posted: February 7th, 2024, 4:28pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
22
Posts Per Day
0.38
When a body crashes into her moving car, a female casanova fears retaliation from the town Sheriff and goes on an escapade with a corpse.
Logged Offline
Private Message
LC
Posted: February 7th, 2024, 4:48pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7546
Posts Per Day
1.34
Sam, I think you need to give us a bit more info to make this logline more effective.
I'm intrigued for sure...

Is this along the lines of Weekend at Bernie's?
Comedy/Thriller?


Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 22
SamIHam
Posted: February 8th, 2024, 6:03am Report to Moderator
New



Posts
22
Posts Per Day
0.38
Thanks LC,

Yes it is a Dark comedy/Thriller. Other than a corpse being a plot device as in Weekend At Bernie's, there's no other relation. Closer to Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Swiss Army Men, and Sean of the Dead in terms of similarity.

As to the "MORE" there's a lot I want to give. Could you elaborate on what makes you want more. As in what is missing?

A few elements of note:
- the corpse is mangled (missing a limb)
- The story lasts from dusk to dawn
- The protagonist is being chased for most of the movie
- There's a pre existing discord between the protagonist and antagonist prior the story taking place.

Are any of these elements potent as to the missing info?

Revision History (1 edits)
SamIHam  -  February 8th, 2024, 6:19am
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 22
LC
Posted: February 8th, 2024, 6:52am Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7546
Posts Per Day
1.34
Dark Comedy Thriller - terrific.

Okay, does she run over this guy?
At the moment the body crashing into her car makes it sound like an already dead corpse is thrown at her car/already dead. Under what circumstances does this happen? Is someone trying to set her up/frame her for a crime? What's her profession? Is she jjust out driving one night on a lonely dark road?

A Casanova typically pursues women while a femme fatale lures men.
What's the link to the story here?

What is her story?
Who's after her and why?
From dusk to dawn is a good ticking clock but we need to know more.

I have no clue at the moment how the parts link to the whole.
We need to know your character's goal, what's at stake for your character, and the end goal.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 22
LC
Posted: February 8th, 2024, 4:25pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7546
Posts Per Day
1.34
Sam, where'd you go?

My comments and questions are not criticism for the sake of it, they're to help you perfect your logline. I hope you come back.

Her being chased is the key, we need to know why her, what did she do?


Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 22
SamIHam
Posted: February 8th, 2024, 6:11pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
22
Posts Per Day
0.38
Hi LC!

I just came home actually (EST). Oh no, I love everything you said! Someone could say it totally sucks, and my answer would be, "Awesome tell me why!"

I read your initial reply on the go and have been mulling over many ideas. I appreciate all comments - the hardest thing to get is someone's honest opinion. And with it, you can achieve so much.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 22
SamIHam
Posted: February 8th, 2024, 6:22pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
22
Posts Per Day
0.38
I have all the answers you've asked, some probably not the desired ones, as the story goes in a different direction. I'm currently attempting to see how I can answer these questions with the logline.

I labeled her a Casanova as she isn't a femme fatale.

Femme Fatal "An alluring and seductive woman, especially one who leads men into compromising and dangerous situations". I don't like that negative connotation attached to a femme fatale of them manipulating men. Rather I see her (my protagonist) as someone who has many lovers and seduces the opposite sex with ease.

Oh yes to get to the point, this is what I'm working with currently:

An out-of-the-rut female casanova has her efforts squandered when she becomes entangled with a corpse, fearing retaliation from her long-standing discord with the Sheriff, She decides to take the corpse with her on this night to remember.

there are a few more questions I wanna answer. I'm just looking to keep things simple and clean.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 22
LC
Posted: February 8th, 2024, 7:26pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7546
Posts Per Day
1.34
Cool, I'm glad you didn't disappear in a huff.

Sadly, I'm still not getting it though.

Out of what rut?
Her efforts to do what?
How'd she end up with a corpse?
Why is she taking it with her?

You need to explain in plain English what this story is about.

Edit: Is the corpse a previous lover? Is she going to be accused of bumping him off, hence why the sheriff is after her? Or is he after her cause she's a black widow? Suspicions around her and her past lovers dropping off the peg in the past, but never proven?



Revision History (1 edits)
LC  -  February 8th, 2024, 8:26pm
Logged
Private Message Reply: 7 - 22
SamIHam
Posted: February 8th, 2024, 8:19pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
22
Posts Per Day
0.38
Indeed, I agree. Alright, let me get to work.

EDIT: this will take some work. I have some good ones, but they are too long. I need to concise it. Will have to get back at it first thing tomorrow.

Revision History (1 edits)
SamIHam  -  February 8th, 2024, 8:32pm
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 22
LC
Posted: February 8th, 2024, 8:25pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7546
Posts Per Day
1.34
I'm also guessing you might mean 'in a rut'.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 9 - 22
SamIHam
Posted: February 8th, 2024, 8:37pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
22
Posts Per Day
0.38
Yes, oh, and before I hit the hay, here's another, maybe like, attempt 85, really. xD.

After a female casanova gets into a car wreck while under the influence with the son of the Sheriff, a jumper kills himself by jumping onto her car moving car, with the blood trail leading to her, she decides there’s no other choice but to take the corpse along for the ride.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 22
LC
Posted: February 8th, 2024, 8:52pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7546
Posts Per Day
1.34
Now you're getting somewhere!
Needs streamlining but I know so much more about what your movie is about now!

Tell me one more thing : where are they going?


Logged
Private Message Reply: 11 - 22
Kevin_L
Posted: February 8th, 2024, 10:20pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
137
Posts Per Day
0.02
Sam,

After reading your first 14 pages and the logline above, I think you need to make the relationship a little more palpable between the Sheriff and the girl within those first 14 pages.

Example:  Sheriff threatens her to stay away from her son or else.  Her son shows up at the garage late at night.  The Sheriff drives by on patrol and sees the two being intimate.  After her son leaves,  the Sheriff starts to follow the girl on the road.  She notices and loses the Sheriff because a forgotten bottle of booze rolls out from under the seat or a bag of pot her dad accidentally left. Then the guy jumps off the bridge onto her car.   May not be the best example, but things go from bad to worse.

I closed the script before I realized you had taken down the post and can't remember their names.  Also, she seems like the type to have a cheat for her interlock device. Lol.  

Another idea that hit me is she has all these booty calls, but in reality, guys are coming to her garage to secretly learn how to work on cars.  Maybe, both? Lol.

Took a shot at your logline.

A female grease monkey known for her playboy attitude takes a suicided corpse on the run as the town Sheriff searches for a reason to lock them up over a personal vendetta.

Good luck with it!

Revision History (9 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Kevin_L  -  February 9th, 2024, 12:35am
redo logline
Logged
Private Message Reply: 12 - 22
kcranford
Posted: February 8th, 2024, 11:05pm Report to Moderator
New


Features:  Christmas Joe

Posts
362
Posts Per Day
0.67
Oooh, I feel another logline suggestion coming on. Let me sleep on it.  Will throw in my two cents worth in the a. m.  


Scripts Available:
Christmas Joe (Holiday Drama)
Every Time It Snows (Holiday Drama)
Happy Holi-DNA (Holiday Romance)
Let That Pony Run (Family Drama)
With Love, From Romance (Holiday Romance)
Essex (Historical Drama)

Shorts:
Santuario (OWC Writers' Choice)
Death  (OWC)
Savior  (OWC)
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 22
LC
Posted: February 8th, 2024, 11:15pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7546
Posts Per Day
1.34
Kevin, where is the link to the script?


Logged
Private Message Reply: 14 - 22
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Review My Logline  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006