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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October, 2019 One Week Challenge  ›  Cold Blood - OWC Moderators: StevenClark
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  Author    Cold Blood - OWC  (currently 1026 views)
Zack
Posted: November 19th, 2019, 3:38pm Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Hey Paul, read through the draft you sent me. Here are my notes.

Page 2. - Unpacked boxes dot the sparsely furnished room. - Seems odd to me that they'd be throwing a party before being fully unpacked. Could just be me.

Agree that you should do away with the Ouiji board if you decide to expand this to feature length. It works for this short, but Ouiji boards are a bit played out.

So I'm a bit confused on the ending... Hannah stops the ghost from renacting their massacre, and this somehow means that Nancy actually survived? Is it a time loop thing? Because I was under the imression that Perry, Dick, Nancy, Kenyon, and Herb were all ghosts. So did Nancy never actually die?

Another small issue I have is... Why the Hell doesn't Hannah just run away? I think I'd be a lot more freaked out in this situation.

Besides those nit-picks, I actually really like this one. Very imaginitive and pretty gruesome.You've created such an interesting mythology with this, and I want to know more about the backstory. I definitely think you should adapt this into a feature. I'd be curious to see how a feature length version would play out.

Great work here, Paul.




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PKCardinal
Posted: November 19th, 2019, 7:37pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks, Zack. Very helpful!


PaulKWrites.com

60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature
The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature

Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
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