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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Reviews    Script Reviews  ›  My Blacklist Evaluation Moderators: bert
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  Author    My Blacklist Evaluation  (currently 9042 views)
Gerasimos
Posted: May 21st, 2018, 12:48am Report to Moderator
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Here's my review on blacklist for Nihilum-A Lord of The Rings Story (the very first draft is available in the SS forum)

Overall rating 7, premise/character/setting 7s, plot/dialogue 6s.

Review
Era

Ancient
Locations

Fantasy Realm
Budgets

Blockbuster
Genre

Drama, Adventure Drama, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Mythological, Prehistoric Fantasy, Sword and Sorcery
Logline

When rings of power can shape the fate of the world, an epic war begins.
Strengths

�Nihilum- A Lord of the Rings Story� is a fantastically epic and entertaining fantasy adventure with a richly realized world and often exhilarating action. Admittedly, the complex mythology can seem a little convoluted at times, and there may be a few too many MacGuffins, but the spectacle the script builds up is incredible. Along with the elves and orcs, there is no shortage of fantastical creatures about, crossing multiple mythologies, including basilisks and ifrits. The paracosm is a beautiful, even breathtaking realm, and it could be stunning properly realized onscreen. The battle scenes are ferocious and unrelenting, showing us the stakes and scope. There is the danger of the characters being overshadowed by all this background and spectacle, but the script has time to provide some stirring human moments, even when not all of the characters involved are human. The love of Kungen and Sylvana is vivid and beautiful, adding to our engagement.
Weaknesses

There is a lot going on here, and it can be hard to keep track of everything in this complex mythology. There are times we sense that the script could do a better job with simplicity and focus. By a certain point, the excessive reliance on magical artifacts seems repetitive and even generic. It�s not just the rings, but the Sargerite band, the crystal of energy, and the other hidden, powerful artifacts Gulaf mentions. It�s unnecessary to have so many, and it can get distracting. Some of the magical creatures are underused. The audience may be excited to see the behemoth and the hydra brought into action, but it is disappointing that their appearance is so rushed and they are so easily dispatched.
Prospects:

With fantastical spectacle and great action, "�Nihilum- A Lord of the Rings Story" hits its mark as an entertaining and satisfying fantasy epic. Calling this as a Lord of the Rings story is problematic, both because the connection to Tolkien's lore is hard to discern and because the rights are taken. Still, it's a riveting fantasy in its own right and could make a spectacular blockbuster, its tricky road to screen notwithstanding.

Pages 107

Can really do nothing about the 'underused creatures' as I had to ditch around 200 pages of script action and descriptions about the fights etc (due to page limit), maybe I reduce some of the magical artifacts used, some time later on.
Regarding the obvious (title), the initial purpose of the script was to go after amazon, make them buy this out, so at the moment, I'll just let it be this way.

Just a note. As a huge LoTR fan, I insisted few years ago on the creation of some extra films about the 3 main Tolkien protagonists; Sauron-Aragorn and Gandalf. The Hobbit series althrough a cash magnet, it sucked (imo) as a movie, but it managed to expand the LoTR story and Middle Earth. Amazon bought the Tolkien rights for some extra films (prequels probably to the Fellowship), rumours say the first two-- blah blah--

My script introduces a new world before everything (even Silmarillion) and creates a solid base for Sauron's change from good to bad, Aragorn's birth and the Numeron line of kings, as well as the young Gandalf. I skipped Celembrimbor who looks to me as the most important missing char from the trilogies, but he can eventually appear somewhere along the story. Ofc I didn't use any of those names in my script (besides Gandalf's at the end) as the relation to LoTR would be too straightforward.

Anyways, that was my first of two scripts, we'll see in the future if any of the amazon guys has a look on my script, and my approach is just a failure.

Still that 7 doesn't look bad for a first script ever.

BTW, great thnx to Flossy Freeman and ScottM for their notes and thoughts^^


Features:
KTT Part ONE - The Polar Cabal
ALEXANDER - RISE OF THE PALADIN
ARAGORN - A LORD OF THE RINGS STORY
A Soul's Plea For Help
Coincidence

My facebook script page
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: August 16th, 2018, 9:05am Report to Moderator
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Just to follow up on this, my TV pilot 'The Survivors' scored 5 on the Black List so I thought, ah well, not bad but not good and kind of forgot about it. Then yesterday the same script got through to the Semi-Finals of Page.

Yeah I'm showing off a bit as I'm thrilled, but it just goes to show how inconsistent this industry is (not just the Black List) and how you have no idea who's evaluating your script and what their state of mind is at that point in time.  


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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eldave1
Posted: August 16th, 2018, 10:08am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from MarkRenshaw
Just to follow up on this, my TV pilot 'The Survivors' scored 5 on the Black List so I thought, ah well, not bad but not good and kind of forgot about it. Then yesterday the same script got through to the Semi-Finals of Page.

Yeah I'm showing off a bit as I'm thrilled, but it just goes to show how inconsistent this industry is (not just the Black List) and how you have no idea who's evaluating your script and what their state of mind is at that point in time.  


Very cool, Mark - will be rooting for you!


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Cameron
Posted: August 16th, 2018, 11:58am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from MarkRenshaw
Just to follow up on this, my TV pilot 'The Survivors' scored 5 on the Black List so I thought, ah well, not bad but not good and kind of forgot about it. Then yesterday the same script got through to the Semi-Finals of Page.

Yeah I'm showing off a bit as I'm thrilled, but it just goes to show how inconsistent this industry is (not just the Black List) and how you have no idea who's evaluating your script and what their state of mind is at that point in time.  


Woot woot!!! Well in, Mark. Seems to be a lot of folk going far in the competitions round these parts, what a talented bunch!
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Zack
Posted: August 16th, 2018, 11:59am Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Congrats Mark!

Zack


An example of my writing...

FOR SATAN - short, horror, 14 pgs (revised draft) - A group of thrill-seekers explore a creepy old house on Halloween night. Think you know this story? Think again.
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: August 16th, 2018, 5:04pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from MarkRenshaw
Just to follow up on this, my TV pilot 'The Survivors' scored 5 on the Black List so I thought, ah well, not bad but not good and kind of forgot about it. Then yesterday the same script got through to the Semi-Finals of Page.

Yeah I'm showing off a bit as I'm thrilled, but it just goes to show how inconsistent this industry is (not just the Black List) and how you have no idea who's evaluating your script and what their state of mind is at that point in time.  


Well done, and yes, it is all subjective at the end. Those who say they know it all dont always do. But, while we hope to do well each time, doing well in a big one is really something in my book. Fingers crossed for you.



My scripts HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: August 16th, 2018, 5:27pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks guys. I'm just glad I didn't submit A Taste Of Hell lol.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Pale Yellow
Posted: August 16th, 2018, 6:17pm Report to Moderator
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Here is my rating and notes from DEAD LINE, a contained thriller I wrote.

Overall Rating
6/10
Premise
6/10
Plot
6/10
Character
5/10
Dialogue
5/10
Setting
6/10
MORE INFO
REVIEW
Era
Present

Locations
US, Train

Budgets
Medium

Genre
Action & Adventure, Mystery & Suspense, Psychological Thriller

Logline
An ambitious prosecutor must carry out a string of serious crimes aboard a train in order to save her daughter�s life from an abductor.

Strengths
One of the great things about this script is that the plot constantly moves forward, and there�s rarely a dull moment. Tensions and stakes escalate with each task, and there�s no lack of conflict throughout the script. The protagonist is constantly making choices and is rarely if ever passive in her pursuits. Once she completes one task, the next is even worse, which constantly keeps her on her toes. It�s easy to sympathize with the plight of Jade and her desperation to get her daughter back, even compromising her own ethics in her attempts to save her. By the end of the film she also shows tremendous growth. The different characters on the train are strange enough to make the audience question whether they�re in on it or not. The washing of the shirt and the conductor�s constant presence is creepy to say the least. Bringing back the OJ and Sprite is also a nice touch.

Weaknesses
While it�s understandable that Jade is under a lot of pressure, for a brilliant prosecutor she seems to be making all the wrong choices. It�s strange that she doesn�t make any efforts to find her daughter immediately, especially considering the fact that the abductor knows her every move. It's not unreasonable that he is close by. On that same note, she's not nearly suspicious enough of the people working on the train. Confiding in Darren when she does, for example, seems unnecessarily risky. Instead of badgering the conductor about the drink order, a smarter choice would be to follow the person delivering the beverage. Additionally, is seems very unwise to get into a full-on physical fight considering her stomach content. A change in the order of tasks would solve this issue. Her decision to go straight for the head with the bat is another reckless choice when the consequences can be very dire. In addition, some of the instructions from the caller are unclear. What is she supposed to do with the drugs? Just setting a fire and walking away is also very non-specific and seems like a senseless request. Lastly, the villain�s motive is a bit weak considering the circumstances, and the phone�s battery life doesn�t really work as a ticking clock. Lucy's diabetes or the train's arrival time would suffice.

Prospects:
There�s no shortage of thrillers in which the protagonist is put under tremendous pressure in order save a child or family member from harm, and there�s certainly an audience for it. As such, this film has high commercial value. Because this is a small scale, relatively self-contained psychological thriller with no large set pieces as much of the action transpires on the train, the budget is kept fairly low. In addition, there's definitely a market for a strong female protagonist these days, and with a big-name actress attached, this has the potential to bring in a large audience. That said, works still remains in terms of execution to truly elevate this script.

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Gerasimos
Posted: March 29th, 2019, 11:49am Report to Moderator
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And ... once again... same shit...

FACT ONE: in order for a script to be on the blacklist's top list, must have at least 2 required ratings with weighted average exceeding the community average (6.09) for hosted scripts over the last quarter.

I didn't know that (until now) and my first three scripts had an overall evaluation of 7 (paid for only one evaluation). There was not a single 6 in any of the individual categories (premise, plot, characters, dialogue, setting), for any of the scripts.
I paid for a second evaluation for the two of them. All fives. Thus, overall rating... 6 and 6.01. None of them makes the top list. I thought that was something random... BUT...

My last script, evaluation n1: overall 7, premise 7, plot 7, char 7, dialogue 7, setting 8. I said great. Let's buy a second.
Evaluation no2: overall 5, premise 6, plot 5, char 4 (!!), dialogue 5, setting 6 (!!). Let's see this one.

(my comments in brackets)

Logline
When a powerful submarine defense system falls into the wrong hands, an American super spy must assemble a team to steal it back in order to prevent chaos and restore balance to the world's naval powers.
(A) MAKE YOUR OWN LOGLINE, DON'T COPY AND PASTE SOMEONE'S ELSE! B)ASSEMBLE A TEAM????!!!)

Strengths
KTT PART ONE - THE POLAR CABAL is an ambitious action adventure spy thriller with strong political and mystery elements that explores themes of justice, revenge, perseverance and patriotism in a heightened world. The globetrotting nature of the setting works well for the plot given the stakes at hand and helps sell the scale of the mission and the consequences if they fail. The submarine technology has the potential to upend the world order, something proven by the lengths that were taken to steal it in the first place. MARTIN as the mysterious protagonist is a charismatic figure that the audience will naturally be motivated to root for while JAMES and MASTERSON give the script heart. The dialogue throughout evokes the banter of military and spy films of the past but is perhaps at it's best when Martin and his team are getting after one another. (Ex. GREEN Yeah, I heard the story, and have to admit, it was pretty embarrassing. RED What are you talking about? GREEN You pissed your pants! RED Who told you that?) The action sequences throughout are large scale, well constructed and thrilling, especially the nautical battles and the attack at the house. The ending, while not exactly unanticipated, ultimately feels appropriate given the events of the script and should have audiences leaving the theater feeling satisfied.

SO ONE THING IS CERTAIN. SETTING IS NOT THAT FUCKING BAD.

Weaknesses
From a character standpoint, it may be worth introducing an empowered female character to be part of the team. Helen as the hacker is fine but she's a minor supporting character and sexualized so not substantial enough to truly balance out the heavily male team. (GIRL PLEASE, GTFO!)

Though Aziz having an identical sub to the one acquired by Martin and crew is a fun twist, it does open the question as to the greater threat which is in fact the technology itself. Once acquired and proven to work, why wouldn't the cabal just duplicate and sell it to militant factions or rogue governments the world over? (HELLO! the bad guys did duplicate the technology, there were two identical subs, they just sold one of them)

Tonally, while it's certainly an aggressive choice to have the KTT members kill the villains like Hawks outright instead of arresting them and taking them to trial, it may impact their favorability with the audience so it could be helpful to justify their actions (escape attempt etc.) to make them come off as less coldblooded. (DID YOU ACTUALLY MISS WHAT KTT STANDS FOR? Kill The Traitors. SO ARRESTING THEM OR TAKING THEM TO TRIAL IS A CRAP IDEA/ALTERNATIVE.)

Dialogue-wise, there are some places that would benefit from some tweaking to help it feel more natural/organic. (JAMES Redemption? Who cares about redemption. I want revenge!).

While not individually significant, typos/grammatical errors can be distracting and bear addressing. In this case, there are enough such errors to merit a thorough pass to help the project be in the best position for full consideration by producers/buyers. (YEAH OK.)


Prospects:
Although, as mentioned above, there's still a fair amount of room for improvement, there are also a number of positives regarding the long term potential of the project. The script knows what it wants to be and goes for it in a big way. From a budget perspective, it does read as costly to produce given the globetrotting nature of the setting and the sizable action sequences/set pieces though those are to be expected when it comes to this genre. There are always work arounds to try and offset the costs, whether it's relying more heavily on post production than on practical effects or filming in a city/state that's currently offering tax incentives/production rebates to the film and television industries. In terms of casting, there are several roles that could appeal to actors, whether it's MARTIN as the lead spy or the supporting cast in JAMES, RED, GREEN or even MASTERSON. Depending on the work that's done to future drafts of the script, the level of talent attached and the production value/financing there could be a range of potential outlets for the project. In a perfect world it could merit a theatrical release but there could also be a way forward via a streaming/VOD platform like Amazon, Netflix, Hulu or even a direct to consumer service like Redbox which tends to do well with films of this genre.

FACT TWO: YOU WANT ME TO PAY FOR ANOTHER EVALUATION FOR MY SCRIPT TO LAND ON THAT TOP LIST RIGHT? RIGHT...


Features:
KTT Part ONE - The Polar Cabal
ALEXANDER - RISE OF THE PALADIN
ARAGORN - A LORD OF THE RINGS STORY
A Soul's Plea For Help
Coincidence

My facebook script page
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khamanna
Posted: March 29th, 2019, 12:46pm Report to Moderator
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I guess it's just a question of a reader buying into a premise. If he does the script is sold. I would think that holds true for any evaluation/competition.

Thanks for posting your results, people! I might do the blacklist sometime in the future, too.
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eldave1
Posted: March 31st, 2019, 12:14pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from khamanna
I guess it's just a question of a reader buying into a premise. If he does the script is sold. I would think that holds true for any evaluation/competition.

Thanks for posting your results, people! I might do the blacklist sometime in the future, too.


I wouldn't.

Keep in mind, that after you receive your rating (let's say you knock it out of the park and get a 7.5) - you still have to pay the site a monthly to host your script if you want it there.



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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SteveClark
Posted: March 31st, 2019, 8:13pm Report to Moderator
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Can I graduate?

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Quoted from eldave1


I wouldn't.

Keep in mind, that after you receive your rating (let's say you knock it out of the park and get a 7.5) - you still have to pay the site a monthly to host your script if you want it there.



True. Like $30 bucks a month. I got mine evaluated, got like a 6 or so and now its languishing. Gone take it off. The script, that is.


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LC
Posted: March 31st, 2019, 8:44pm Report to Moderator
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So, for the uninitiated (I only read the top script selections at the end) does this mean all those selected for The Blacklist at the end of the year paid $30 each month for the privilege? Is that right? Or are there more catches?

What about the Bloodlist and Hitlist?


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SteveClark
Posted: March 31st, 2019, 8:57pm Report to Moderator
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Can I graduate?

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Quoted from LC
So, for the uninitiated (I only read the top script selections at the end) does this mean all those selected for The Blacklist at the end of the year paid $30 each month for the privilege? Is that right? Or are there more catches?

What about the Bloodlist and Hitlist?


Couldnt tell you. After this Im through with the lists. If your evaluation gets 6 or below they dont promote it. 7 or higher and they do. However, I am entering Page. Last minute deadline April 15 for those interested!


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eldave1
Posted: March 31st, 2019, 9:37pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
So, for the uninitiated (I only read the top script selections at the end) does this mean all those selected for The Blacklist at the end of the year paid $30 each month for the privilege? Is that right? Or are there more catches?

What about the Bloodlist and Hitlist?


The annual blacklist and the blacklist site are two separate beasts run my the same person. There is no relation between the scripts on one and the scripts on the other


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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