Contagium- Episode 001 by Andrew Roby - Series, Horror - Part 001- We explore Allison, an ordinary girl with an ordinary life. But things are not so ordinary as strange things start to happen. Including disturbing visions and voices. As all of this leads up to some of the most shocking things she will ever see in her whole life.  Rated R for- A scene of strong violence, Disturbing Images, Thematic Material, Language, Nudity and Gore. - doc, format

Contagium- Episode 002 by Andrew Roby - Series, Horror - After a near death experience, Allison heads down the dark lonely road to find help. Down the road she finds an abandoned town with many dark secrets. - doc, format

Contagium- Episode 003 by Andrew Roby - Series, Horror - Starts off where Episode Two left off. Allison follows George and discovers some of the most frightening things ever. - doc, format


Contagium- Episode 004 by Andrew Roby - Series, Horror - After the events in Episode Three. Allison finds out Chris is not the man she thought he was. - doc, format

This is a very easy read so please read it. Me and my friends are gonna record this as a movie which should be interesting.

Andrew

*Spoilers*

Thought this was a pretty interesting opening episode, very short though?

Just a couple of things I noticed - in your first description of Allison you tell us what sports she likes, how would the viewer know that (unless there is some evidence around the room)? I did like the analogy between her messed up room and her messed up life. The dialougue between her and Mark flowed quite realistically (though surely it should be flew rather than flu) and introduced both characters nicely.

When she arrives at work, the dialogue between her and her boss was very stilted - I understand it needs to be quite formal, but to me it just doesn't have the natural rhythm of speech. The Ambience Museum for Ancient Artefacts (I didn't understand how it could be a museum for lost artefacts?) is a great setting for a horror story.

I absolutely loved the spooky incident with the camera/monitors. That is actually genuinely unsettling without being in your face.

When the paranormal investigator arrives, again the dialogue needs a little work, but more importantly I just didn't buy it. She has worked there long enough to be late several times but she has never heard anything about the building being haunted? In the 1800's it was reputed to be the place lucifer fell? Just a bit too over the top for me, and so it didn't surprise me when it turned out to be a dream. Saying that, the line 'you should do, because your there' and then the lights going off would probably make me jump out of my skin in a cinema.

In the restuarant 'they are at a dinner for two tables', I assume that should be a table for two diners? I liked the fact we join them in a middle of an interesting conversation and don't find out what its about, but her line about the people being strange seems to come out of nowhere.

Would they really go to a drive in to ignore the film and make out if she has her own apartment? Not a greatly important point, and it does allow  the opportunity for Mark to act oddly which is significant in the next scene.

The short cut - I was starting to suspect Mark was a bit sinister at this point. The car coming out of nowhere and crashing into them, not particularly original, but I thought you handled it very effectively. You do say that Mark is covered in gashes after being thrown from the cars, and he is obviously  unconscious, but I wasn't sure how badly injured he actually was, other than Alisons reaction. I liked her finding the engagement ring at that point. What has happened to the other car? Kirsten appearing, and what she says to Alison, is obviously scarier if the other car has disappeared, but does that may give too obvious a clue that there is something supernatural going on.

I think you need to go into more detail about Alisons state of mind as she walks away - my reaction if I had been in a crash which had potentially killed two people, including the man I loved, and I was unable to get a signal on my phone, and I had to walk for help down an endless pitch black road, would be slightly stronger than saying "shit" then taking a deep breath. Is she in shock, or am I just a wuss?

Fantastic hook to end on though, I definintely want to know what happens next.

In the words of Columbo, 'just one more thing'... The car crash  tears off her clothes? Give me a break, on this evidence youre a better writer than that.

Thanks! That was a good review and was very helpful. This originally was 20 pages long but i cut some parts out so when i am done the whole series i will release it as one with like 50 more pages of newly added scenes. So you can look forward to that in the future.

Can anyone else give this a read and review?

Thanks,
      Andrew

So is it going to be feature length when its finished?

yes. after the series there will be about 20-50 added pages of stuff i cut out.

Andrew

Any particular reason why you cut it out? I'm just curious, if its good enough to go in the finished article.

How many episodes are there going to be then?

10 episodes. I cut scenes out because they needed work and i wanted to have some extra stuff for the full script
so this will probably end up being 100 pages or so

Fair enough, I'll keep my eye out for the next installment.

Episode two will be out sometime next month.

Andrew

Anyone else gonna read this? I would apprichiate it.

Shonagh said a lot of what I was going to say. This was a good script, reading it through the first time (I read scripts twice, once straight through to see how I like it, and again to pick it apart like a ravenous monkey) I really enjoyed it.

The "You're there" line and the lights going reminded me of the intro at the Haunted Mansion in Disney land (with the hanging body in the lobby). That always creeped me out as a kid (still kind of does). Really liked that moment, probably by favorite in the script.

One of the problems I had was the demonic creature. The lights coming on and revealing it just didn't click with me. Since it's a dream you can go pretty much anywhere. Maybe have the lights flash on and burn out, revealing it for a split second, then have one or two lights spark and flash so we can see it walking towards her. Then she wakes up.

Other than that, a few grammer errors (dinner for two tables, flu back from Florida, the other car the swerves, etc.). Nothing major, but something to look at if you do another draft. The good scenes far outweigh the bad, and those that are 'bad' aren't bad, they just need some tweaking which is to be expected with the best of scripts. I'll be sure to read the next episode(s).

woohoo after about 10 (really bad) scripts i write a decent one. thanks a lot freak and i will re-do every part when i submit them all as 1

thanks again
     andrew

i really love the series so far.

thanks
Anyone else?

Andrew

Also part 2 will have more scare scenes including one that will really discomfert you. emm i like it haha

Andrew