The Cab's Tale - She screwed him up by Helio J Cordeiro - Short - On this Cab’s Tale, an Indian cab's driver will know the real meaning of the famous All Saints’ Day more knowing as Halloween! 9 pages - pdf, format

The Cab's Tale - The God Feather by Michel J. Duthin - Short - On this Cab's Tale, Noralee, a moody black cab driver, spends her Christmas night in the streets.  Will Santa forget her this time? 9 pages - pdf, format

The Cab's Tale - Speak slowly, please! by Helio J Cordeiro - Short - To get the wrong end of the stick and jump to conclusions too easily could provoke an irretrievable mess in nowadays. 9 pages - pdf, format

The Cab's Tale - Extreme Baggage by Zingo - Short - A horny cab driver hits on a female passanger with some serious baggage. 15 pages - pdf, format

The Cab's Tale - Too Much Tail by Spencer McDonald - Short - A Las Vegas cabbie gets burned by two large women from a weight watchers convention. Come along on a ride and see if that is all that gets burned. 9 pages - doc, format

Cab's Tale, The - The Heart in the Right Place by Helio J Cordeiro - Short - Doesn’t matter what the others think about us the most important is to have our heart in the right place. 8 pages - pdf, format

Helio you pervert.  

* SPOILERS *

* This was a great short!  It reminded me of those old great stories from the EC Comics.  
* Loved the various names the woman called him.  Sabu, Gandhi, etc.
* I also found the various religious pics next to a naked woman smart.  I've seen the very same things in cabs before.

Good short, good tale for Halloween and hey...It even had Ghostly Necrophilia in it!  Who can argue against that?  

Well... Very descriptive. Certainly a tale fitting for halloween. Is having sex with a ghost necrophilia?

I'll take advantage that evrybody is buzy with challenge scripts to say thank to you guys for the reading!

By the way, having sex withb a ghost is the same to have sex with a wall!

Hey Helio

Absolutely fabulous my man. You stories are getting better and better. Looking forward to Cab's Tales #2. And by the way, my computer is back in action. Now I gotta go out and find a lot of my work. Shit Shit Shit!

Spencer "For Hire" McDonald

Hi Spencer, nice to hear you, dude. Welcome back! Thanks for the reading.

Ape, I have to explain you that necrophilia is when someone have sex with  corpses. As I said having a sex with a ghost is crazy dreams or fantastic telling from cab's drivers or fishmen!

Interesting read. FYI All Saint's Day is the Day after Halloween. Your intro implied they were the same.

Oh, Jayce I thought they happen in the same day. I'm sorry about it, okay. As soon as I can I'll fix it in order do not spreed out a wrong information. Tell me what you have done in order I take a look at it.

Anyway, thanks for your reading!

Meu amigo,

I couldn't help read this one. Great story. Your style is improving day after day.

Anyway, I think you could have a better ending.

***************SPOILERS********************

After having lost any trace of the woman, the husband could an address to Gandhi... no. Gunga Din... no. Shyamalan, Sabu... no. Anyway, to Abhaya, driving him to a cemetery. Maybe the final thrilling explanation would be greater. IMHO.

I can't wait to read other tales.

Michel

Salut mon ami! Merci for your idea of the cemetery it seems more plausible.

Thanks anyway. More Cab's Tales will be posted soon before you blink, dude!

Helio,

Very interesting!  Very creepy halloween theme.
Are there other Cab's Tales posted?  Is this one of a series that involve the same character Abhaya?

Something you might think about is being more discrete and suggestive than overt with the sexual scenes.  This can help build a greater tension for the cab driver.

About my challenge entry, I owe you an apology en Espanol.

Lo siento mucho.  mgj y Mr. Z hablaron acerca de antecedentes o pasado.  Mi disculpa para olvidando tu comentarios.  Gracias por escribiendo.

-Roberto

Warning: Harsh words may follow... I do not intend to hurt your feelings.

I thought it was horrible. I couldn't follow what was going on. Maybe that was my own problem; being unfair to the topic.

I did like the different names the "ghost lady" called him.

The switch to her being a ghost and the husband being a ghost was unclear. I also thought that the ending could have been a bit stringer. There's no closure.

You did use good visual cues and painted a nice picture with your words, even though the picture was a little bit over the top for my liking.

Thanks Roberto. The apology wasn't necessary, dude, but in Spanol I accepet! Haha! There is more Cab's Tales, Roberto, I'm posting it before this weekend, depend of Don's time.

SuperDrew, thank you for the reading and I'm sorry whether I hurted you with this, dude. I won't ask you to take a look at my other scripts, because they have the same flavour...

Thanks a lot anyway!

You didnt hurt me. I was just a little confused about what was happening. I just couldnt see a clear picture or a story line going on.

I'll read it again. Maybe I was too distracted the first time through.

Ok, I just read it again. This time through wasn't so bad. I really like when she calls him a "brownie." That was funny.

The blow job scene is your strongest part of the script. And I could totally see a whacky montage to the sitar music.

There are a few spelling errors and things of that nature. But I couldn't tell if some were on purpose or accidental.

You are very descriptive. A lot of very strong visual cues, except in the coffee bar. I thought the description in that scene was really vague. Try and beef it up some more.

Hey Kevan, thanks for the review. It is part of a project that including more stories that soon (this week yet) will be posted here in Short.

Sometimes I think I'm choking people with scenes of sex, but my intention isn't that. What I realy want is to tell original stories, mixing fantasy and reality and the result of this mixing continue to be FANTASY. Movie is not just intertainment and I know that it is also a way to tell something beyond that.

Thanks anyaway for the reading!

Hey Michel, mon ami. Nice story here. I loved Noralee! You builded up very well the cab's driver Noralee that should fit well on Queen Latifah skin! I don't no whether the title without God (He forgives me for it) was better that with It...Thanks to be part of this project, ami. Arrevoi and I hope the others like you cab's tale too!

Michel,

I think the story you have here is very nice. I did have some problem with the execution of the story however and I hope that you do not take the following personally.

I know you are from France, so that's probably where the problems come from. Not France of course, but the fact that your carachterization of Noralee doesn't ring true to an American. Now, I'm perfectly willing to listen to someone telling me I'm wrong. It wouldn't be the first time. It's also possible that I live in a completely different world than Noralee, geographically and socially and therefore have no clue. My problem is that you have conflicting carachteristics of her. Don't take me wrong, I like different and quirky characters, but Noralee's are just too odd to be believable to me.

Let's start with the way she speaks, like I said, I don't live in NYC and I'm not black so I could be wrong, but some of the words you chose for her are just not your average black female speach. I know you said somewhere that you were going to look into black slang or something like that. I don't think that worked. I wouldn't attempt to write dialogue for a muslim in the slums of France. Sure I can research it, but you would probably be able to tell that it was written by someone who doesn't really live in France and know the lingo. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here so that you don't take this to harshly.

I also find it hard to believe that Noralee, who seems brazen, foul mouthed and hates Christmas (a lot of black women are actually very religious, especially older ones) refuses to pick up a ride at night because the couple are drunk. If she was religous or of high morals or principles, maybe, but not the way you have her described right now.

I also felt a slight feeling of being offended at your descriptions, black fat woman and Chinese-type guy. I know that's what they are, but the tone is somewhat condescending. Heavy set for example would have sounded better and Oriental, Asian or Chinese looking guy as well.

Like I said, don't take this review too hard. The story itself is nice and I'm only trying to help you making it better by making Noralee more believable to us who live here and deal with black folks on a daily basis. NYC or not.    

Pia  

Michel -- Congrats on taking up Helio's challenge to write for the Cab's Tales.

I agree with Pia. She points out some things that make sense. For me your story was very hard to follow. Could have just been because of the language barrier. Great effort and I look forward to reading more of your stories soon. I sure hope you will write for Helio's upcoming Xmas Tales.

Spencer

Helio,
I missed this one somehow. Must have been around the time that the OWC came out. I'm glad I found it though. I like stories like this. Nice story helio.

I chuckled when I read your seductress in action. I liked the little pet names she gave him, and the way she acted. Good job.

When the guy yelled for him to stop and told him it was his wife, I was like uh oh this cabbie is going to get shot for sure. Then when he said she was dead, I thought he was just chasing her ghost. To my surprise he was dead, too.

Nice Helio. I think I'd have to say this is my favorite script of yours.

Cindy


Michel,

I thought your story was good as well.
I agree with Pia though on the dialogue, but the story was good. I think her character needs a little work though.
I liked the final image of the angel watching over her, and the matching feather in the back seat. That was pretty neat.  

Cindy

Helio,

I read this one when it first came up and I honestly thought I had already posted a comment.

Despite being a little graphic in your descriptions, I think the story was really good.

This is the quirky, original ideas Helio that I like.

I thought you did great describing Abhaya and followed through to match his V.O and dialogue with his actions.

The story itself is not a comedy, but the way you told it had me laughing.

Very nice!

Pia  

Hi everyone,

sorry for the delay, but I was a bit busy.

Concerning the dialogs. In fact, it's not black slang Noralee's speaking but cab drivers' slang. I did some researches in the Net and thought I would be nearer the reality of the taxi drivers' world.

About the fact, she refuses drunk people in her cab, drivers are allowed to do it.

About my descriptions, (black fat woman and Chinese-type guy) I never wanted to be condescending. Clumsy, no doubt, but never condescending. I don't think I am.

Noralee is a rough jewel. As Kevan said "she says some funny things and most of the time she does't realize she is saying them". And I did pay homage to my favorite movie ever "It's a Wonderful Life". It's true I like Angels' stories.

The title is a (bad?) joke name reagarding "The Godfather".

Helio is right, Queen Latifah inspired me.

Pia, don't worry. I did understand what you meant and I didn't take it harshly. I need these kind of things to improve my style. You might know that I wrote this script in a few days after Helio's request and I could have done better (I hope) if I had more time.

Anyway, it's done now.

Spencer and Cindy, thank you for your comments. It touched me.

Michel

Hey Cindy, thanks a lot for your reading. Frankly I love to give him the pet names -ha-ha. This makes me feel devilish. Okay, I know my character will try to get revange from me! Anyway thanks for your kind words.

Pia, I'm feeling flaterred... You did more than one review on my scripts - ha-ha! Thanks and remember next time review it again!!!

just in time: welcome mon ami Michel!

Hey Zingo, thank you for to participate on Cab's Tale, dude! Nice piece your. Well written story with amazing end. It was nice reading. I don't know, but I thought that the sensual parts of the script remainded my stories, dude. Oh, of course your was better written than mine.

I know lot of Raymonds and they realy continue to take their rings off, but most of them will be regreted when their wives would do the same with them! Haha!

Congrats!

Zingo

Great tale! You are the bomb when it comes to telling great stories. I could learn so much from you. As I read I kind of thought you might end the story a different way and you surprised me by ending it just how it should have ended. Keep up the great story telling and i will keep reading all of Zingo's great tales.

Spencer

Helio,

I read your 'Speak Slowly Please' episode.  I thought the characterization was much better than in 'She screwed him up', especially in the beginning.  I liked the well developed Cockneyed cab driver.  Very believable.  I heard Alan Rickman's voice in my head delivering the lines in his sort of 'slurred' speech.

I don't know how to say this, but I felt that the buildup was not very strong.  There's got to be something more intrinsic to Brazilian culture than Brazilian soccer players names.  I hate soccer with a passion and I still know who Ronaldo and Ronaldinho are.

So, was Roberto really Brazilian or was he lying?  Should the audience know the answer to add suspense?

-Bob

Too Much Tail:

Hey Spencer,

Your writing is getting really good. I definitely enjoy your descriptions. Short, but descriptive and to the point.

SPOILERS:

I like how you bring home the point of them being fat by using words that has to do with big, large or fat things in other areas of the script than just the women’s immediate descriptions. Subconsciously that works great for the overall impression.

I also like the little details you add that makes things extra funny, for example:

exposing his comb over
one hundred and one dollar
secret sauce

The way you describe the car’s “suffering” is funny and great too.

Kind of sad how Sarah feels so bad after gorging herself, probably true though.

I think you did a really nice job on this. You’ve got funny down for sure.

Glad to see you back at SS,

Pia  

Kevan

Thank you for a great review. You point out good things that I will take to heart for the next script. For example; DAY OR NIGHT. I see how you set it up in the first line of dialogue. This is good. Also, my prose about the characters. Yes, I guess it doesn't need to be in the description, just thought it might add value to who these people are physcially and mentally. I will keep those prose points in mind when I write my novel. The title will be "Kevan Does Simply Scripts."

Ha Ha!

Spencer

The Cab's Tale - Speak slowly, please! by Helio J Cordeiro - Short - To get the wrong end of the stick and jump to conclusions too easily could provoke an irretrievable mess in nowadays.

Helio, this Cab's Tale is hilarious, I mean totally whacked, man!

Good little story of misunderstanding of language and how this can lead to conflict. Some amusing banter between the cockney cab driver and the Brazilian man. I like the ending, very funny but equally could be quite frightening.

Just one criticism:

“In seconds, lot of bobs, ARMED COPS, MI 6, 7, 8 9, Trevor McDonald, Old McDonald, Thomas the Tank Engine, The Queen bodyguards, Elton Jones’s sunglasses sellers, everybody else in England arrive, all armed! “

I think you stuck the old boot in the English in the above paragraph my old chum. What are Bobs? Nickname for coppers in U.K. are Bobbies.. Derives from Robert Peel who originally established the English Police force in London, they were called Peelers back then but the name Robert has been reduced to Bobby, hence the nickname derived from the founder..

You definitely are crazy, Amigo.. Certifiable!!

Kevan

HI KEVEE!

Thanks a lot for you reading my friend. I'm sorry about the Bobs. I picked the right name Bobbies, but I completly forgoten to replace it into the PDF version.

I've to say I forgot another UK icon to the list: YOU! Hahaha!

Thanks one more Kev. Hey, Xmas Tales is coming, my friend!

Hey Helio,

It’s nice to see that you have other people joining you and chipping in with this “Cab’s Tales series”.

I read your script and I liked it.

It was funny, but serious at the same time. The story itself was serious, but your telling of it was funny.

Being a “foreigner” myself, I know what you meant about the “speak slowly” parts. You should have added that the cabbie gets louder too. In my experience, if you don’t understand what someone is saying, they start talking louder to you as if the problem is with your hearing.

I think the way you told this, with the conversation spiraling out of control into complete misunderstanding and jumping to conclusion, is your way of reflecting on current world events.

Nice job amigo!  

Hey, Not bad, very interested and funny, well written the dialog.
Good Job.

Helio,

Loved your descriptions and the way the story was told. Somehow it felt like a scene from a 50's or 60's movie

It would've been more exciting towards the end if the cab driver found out the woman and her husband were ghosts in a different way rather than him remembering a news article or the husband telling him about his dead wife.

Also, when you refer to the Indian man as " Naturally " being a cab driver, that's a bit of "stereotyping"...don't you think? I'm just saying that because most Indian men I know are in the computer business

I read your other short by the way, Stereotypes, and I like this one alot better.

Loved that mix of groaning/moaning and the Indian music, very creative and funny. Good job!

This is for She screwed him up.

Helio my friend this is, well, um, well this is definitely you, and well, it made me laugh, it did.

you sure have a crazy sense of humour.

once the woman said "I'm a much better fucker than Aishw something" I knew things were gonna go, well, gonna go the Helio way...LOL

Then she starts fingering herself, this is a 14 year old boys wet dream

Then your story takes a twist.  I liked how this turned into a ghost story.

Some creative stuff here.  The first half reminded me of the city TV'S late night Friday nigh movie (anyone from BC will know what that means)

anyways good job.

Hi, Lee Ayham, Pia and Jordan. Thanks for yours reviews.

If you want to participate on this Cab's Tales please feel free to post your history (short script) here in my tread or sapareted if you wish. It is opened to everyone here at this SS.

Hey, Ayham about to stereotype, I did not intend to ofend anyone at all. I particularly love the Indians; their culture, music, food etc. I'd dealed with them when I lived in London and I know how clever they are.

Hey guys take a look at my Xmas Tales when it will be posted!

THANKS anyway, guys!!!

Helio,

Thanks for the invitation to participate in the cab's tale. I'll try to come up with something decent even though I doubt it, my brain has been on vacation

Regarding stereotyping, I'm sure it wasn't intended as an offensive comment on your part especially that you showed the driver as funny and cool. And man, I definitely share with you the love of Indian food and music, not their movies though, can't stand those except for " Kama Sutra " of course

Quoted from The boy who could fly Then she starts fingering herself, this is a 14 year old boys wet dream

I take it your 14 then dude?

Ha!

Helio

In SPEAK SLOWLY PLEASE I was most pleased with your dialogue. Very real and it kept me pulled right into the story. Every story you write man seems to get better and better. I am lookng forward to your Christmas Tales.

If I could point out one area for improvement I would say right up front where you are into scene description you say IT IS... Try and shorten your descriptions (action) to nearly nothing. These should be short quips that are written almost as fragments rather than correct grammar. Make it just enough to get your visual point across.

Any, I will have a Christmas Tale in your opening series as well. The sub title is HO HO HO. Can you guess what that is about? Ha Ha!

Spencer

I will have a Christmas tale too Helio!

Quoted from spencerforhire Any, I will have a Christmas Tale in your opening series as well. The sub title is HO HO HO. Can you guess what that is about? Ha Ha! Spencer

Darn you Spencer! HO HO HO, was the title of mine too. It was about these three little....never mind. I'll just start over from scratch.

Hey Pia, no problem, dear, just to add one more Ho on it! Haha!

Sorry Helio, I really just didn't dig this story.  I don't really know what you were trying to do with this, but it didn't really come off as anything for me.  I didn't find it funny, thrilling, etc.  I found it needlessly grotesque.

I hate writing such negative reviews, but this piece just really didn't sit well with me.  And it's not that I can't handle sexual content or anything...I just think it needs to be used better.

Hi Dressel, don't worry I'm not upseted with your comment, but please let me know which one are you talking about whether  She screwed him up or Speak slowly, please?

I read the first two, today, and I walked away with nothing from them.

SHE SCREWED HIM UP seemed like a slightly altered urban legend that had been told at one too many camp fires.  In fact, I recalled reading a story similar to thtis in (I think) Heavy Metal where a young couple pays a cabbie to drive recklessly while they have sex in the backseat.  The cab crashes and the reader learns that the couple are actually ghosts who get their kicks from killing cabbies.

THE GOD FEATHER was just a directionless story to me.  Naming the angel 'Clarence' was actually a distraction.  And the story was badly rushed.  Noralee's sudden change of heart was extremely forced and unrealistic.  She's a miserable bitch for the first eight pages and then she's suddenly happy in the ninth.


Phil

Hey Zingo, just took a look at this one. And I’m very impressed. Very enjoyable read. I would describe it as a Basic Instinct-ish tale built around the “Be careful about what you wish for” saying. I’ll start mentioning which things I liked. From now on, I might include --

*SPOILERS*

The information about what was inside the briefcases was cleverly concealed, and revealed at the precise moment for maximum dramatic effect; good job on that.

Dialogue between these two was quite entertaining. I might say that the “You don’t want to make love to me, you just want to fuck me” line has been used many times, although I admit that this is exactly what this particular story needed.

I particularly liked “Good! I hate when other people smoke” Haha!

Tension between these characters built slowly and adequately; I found very easy to put myself in the driver’s shoes.

Some things that could be improved:

There’s no need to mention that the story takes place in St. Petesburg, Florida (P.1). This kind of information is usually lost on the page; the audience (who can’t read the script) would not be able to gather this by just looking at the apartment building from the opening scene.

This particular location doesn’t seem crucial to the story (any town with a bridge and a beach could do) but if you believe it is, give the information this way:

SUPER: St. Petesburg, Florida

Furthermore, if a producer from (lets say) Australia happens to be interested in shooting this, he will shoot it in Australia right away.

As I said before, I enjoyed the dialogue between these characters. Although I felt like there were too many directions for the actors during this pages. Seems like you thought every look and every gesture for them; these indications were many and disrupted (a little) the natural flow that the dialogue should have.

Some indications are worth keeping, like when Franzina’s smile is suddenly replaced by a look of seriousness, and so Raymonds. This details carry a very important dramatic weight; Franzina actually admits to have killed her husband and Raymond is starting to believe her. This kind of stuff is the writer’s territory.

But there were many other indications (i.e. Franzina looks through the window, back at him, etc) that were minor details without any relevant dramatic importance; let the actors handle those. By removing a few, your dialogue will flow much better, IMO.

Loose the CONT’D (if your screenwriter software permits you). They were used once, but now are considered old fashioned.

P.15 “You’re a deceiving horny old bastard. I hate deceiving, horny old bastards.”

This line wouldn’t look very bad in a bad script. But in this script looks awful and seems like too on the nose; a character saying exactly what she thinks. At this point the audience knows what Franzina thinks about Raymond. The subtext behind her actions and previous dialogue lines convey her thoughts properly, with subtlety. The quoted line does in a bad way what you have been doing greately, IMO.

And if the purpose of this line is just to increase tension a bit, remember she has a gun. By reloading it (or something like that) the audience will know (visually) she is about to fire.

The ending was a bit of a let down, like some kind of a twist or punchline was needed. The story leads the audience to two possible obvious endings: Franzina kills him or lets him go. Whenever the audience expects you to choose between two possible endings, surprise them and head for a third one they didn’t see coming.

I’d suggest you to brainstorm more possible outcomes for this story. Find your Door Number Three

I don't know why I read Extreme Baggage, but I did.  Out of the three that I have read, this was the best.

I agree with Mister Z that the story was very Basic Instinct-ish and even a little film noir-ish.  I could picture a younger Sharon Stone or a younger Kathleen Turner in the role of Franzina.  I do think that the story dragged on a bit and the ending was too abrupt.  I also thought that her reason for--

--SPOILER SPACE--

--killing her husband could've been explained in better detail.  Saying who he was sleeping with and how she found out could've improved things.

Hope this helps.


Phil

CAB'S TALE - SHE SCREWED HIM UP (WITH SPOILERS)

First off, let me definitely say that I liked some of your lines very much.  Especially:

"Abhaya's eye srolls up and down, like a dollar slot machine in Vegas" and
"A large smile shows that Abhaya has just found heaven.  He still seems to be there."

Nice touches, with a good play of words.  ))

Obviously, there are translation issues with the English in the script - but overall very good (I know I can't write worth a darn in any language other than English, myself.  Parlez vous Francais doesn't count.)  That aside, I do have a few small issues with the script.  (With the understanding that this is a lighthearted twilight zone piece, so most of it is forgiveable...)

1)  While I like how the woman kept changing Abhaya's name...Gandhi, Shyamalan (that one is especially good), Sabu, etc...I kinda question how he could take the insult, and still want to get, er, serviced by her.  (Then again, maybe that's a guy thing...!)

2) You might want to mention that Abhaya tiilts the rearview mirror.  Otherwise, I doubt he (or the reader) would be able to see...um...the lower explorations that you mention...!

3) I think the ending needs to be a little more eerie, with a less "direct" way of revealing that they're both ghosts...  Surely, the ghost of the husband wouldn't be actually aware that they were both already dead.  Wouldn't they still be "stuck in the moment...?"  Maybe Abhaya could find out some other way after the fact - through the news, radio, etc.  Or perhaps the woman leaves some artifact in the cab which leads to an old news report, etc...?  Nor would the husband have to explicitly state that he killed her.  Him rushing out of the cab with a gun in hand would be obvious enough.  

Just a few thoughts.  But thanks - it was an enjoyable read.  

CAB'S TALE: EXTREME BAGGAGE (WITH SPOILERS)

Not much to say.  I liked it - the story was very well written, flowed well...and the dialogue was natural.  Might have been a *little bit* better if the reveal happened later on, after she starts to actually seduce him on the beach, with him already handcuffed...and THEN he finds out, when already in a compromised, vulnerable situation.  (Perhaps he realizes that there's blood on her coat...maybe even makes a comment about it being 'that time of month'...and then realizing that he's oh so very wrong....  Just a (wicked) thought...)

But definitely well written.  Kudos.  

-Janet (Wonkavite)

hello helio:

i'm new to this site.  anyways... your logline caught my att'n.  however, while reading, it was difficult for me to reach the signifigane of your story.  were these men spanish-american or the dyslexic-mentally-impaired?  i couldn't understand what they were saying with the overtly-contrived, broken English.

i don't want to sound sarcasitic, i know how these things aren't tone sensitive.  it's just a matter of being straight foward and to-the-point.

i would be thrilled to read another, as I am sure this was an experimental.

james

Hi, James, well, first of all I don't know whish one you are reffering about. So please let me know, okay?

Anyway thanks for your reading, dude!

Oh I forgot to say thanks a lot to Janet for the brilhant reviews! Thanks so much, dear!

Hey Pia,

I just listened to your iScript of Extreme Baggage, and I must say, Bravo!

I haven't read the script, but I really liked the iScript.
It was gritty, and had a real feel to it like it could be made here in Detroit.  
Great job!
I liked how the tables were turned on the driver... What a jerk, as is any person who would cheat on someone.
You had me smiling with this one, Pia.

Cindy

Hey Cindy,

Thanks for "listening" to Extreme Baggage. Of the iScripts I have, I'm the least fond of this one. I feel that the girl reading missed the tone of the script. Personaly I feel this one reads better than it does listening to.

Maybe I should try to film this one in Detroit.  

I did hear from a few people that read this when it first was posted, but they didn't want to post their comments on the boards because they were negative. Women killing men does play well with everyone I guess. Haha.

Thanks Cindy,

Pia

This Pia's pearl is one of masterpieces of SHORT section!