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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Beloved Phil Moderators: bert
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  Author    Beloved Phil  (currently 2250 views)
Don
Posted: September 23rd, 2007, 1:53pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Beloved Phil by Heilo J Corderio - Short - Everyone is eternal, depends of how much we will remember them! 6 pages - pdf, format


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dogglebe
Posted: September 23rd, 2007, 5:47pm Report to Moderator
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When I saw this thread, I thought someone was singing praise about me.  Oh well...

As usual, Helio, you wrote a great little story.  With only a few pages, you bring us into a scene and make us feel for the characters.  Nice work.


Phil (the unbeloved one)
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Helio
Posted: September 23rd, 2007, 6:04pm Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Haha! It was sung on the Brazilan's Day comemoration, dear, Phil!

About the title take it as a compliment and thanks for your inestimable review, dude.
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tomson
Posted: September 23rd, 2007, 11:33pm Report to Moderator
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I too thought this was going to be about some half sock, half man all evil carachter.

You did great Helio. It was a very nice and touching story in just a few pages.

You and Michel are actually very similar in your story telling and I'm not talking about grammar or spelling, but the stories themselves.

Deeper than many other shorts. Maybe it takes some maturity to pull that off.

Anyway, very nice Helio.
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CindyLKeller
Posted: September 23rd, 2007, 11:35pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Helio,


SPOILERS

This was a touching script. I enjoyed it very much. Helen was lucky to have her snoring husband still at her side as she gets older and begins to forget things...

I did have one gripe about it though. Phil called his grandmother grandma, and granny far too much... That's all.

Otherwise, I think it's lovely, and think that it would do well in competitions or in getting produced .   Nice job, Helio.

In your other thread you wrote about who cares about short writers...
Well, who cares what others think about short writers. It's what the short writer thinks, and if he loves what he is doing.

You should keep writing shorts, Helio. You do a very good job with them.
BUT I'd still like to see a feature from you.  

Cindy





Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
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Helio
Posted: September 24th, 2007, 7:39am Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Hi, Pia and Cindy! Thanks girls, for the lovely kind words!
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alffy
Posted: September 24th, 2007, 9:25am Report to Moderator
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Hey Helio

I liked this short.  A touching story with a strong message about the tradegy of war.  You delt with the issues very well.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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Zack
Posted: September 25th, 2007, 12:51pm Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Another day, another awsome script from Helio(who I now dub "Master Short Scripter")! Honestly, i can't think of a script of yours that I haven't liked!  How many shorts is this Helio?

~Zack~


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michel
Posted: September 26th, 2007, 4:12am Report to Moderator
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meu amigo,

long time I didn't read from you. And I found you back in good shape. What a delicacy in this touching story. I'm sure this one will be a hit and you'll finally understand why we are here writing our guts out.

Thank you for this instant of happiness.

Ton ami Michel


Quoted from tomson
You and Michel are actually very similar in your story telling and I'm not talking about grammar or spelling, but the stories themselves. Deeper than many other shorts. Maybe it takes some maturity to pull that off.


Does maturity have something to do with age? I hope not, othewise we both would be old crones (LOL)


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Helio
Posted: September 26th, 2007, 2:31pm Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Zack, boy! thanks for the reading! About "Master of something"...well..okay I accept that! haha!

Michel, mon ami! Nice to hear from you. Thank for you time reading a short s script where the title reads Beloved PHIL!
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Helio
Posted: September 26th, 2007, 3:25pm Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Hey, Don, could you fix my name, please? Change this one - Heilo J Corderio - for this - Helio J Cordeiro. BTW did you like Phil?
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tonkatough
Posted: September 29th, 2007, 3:21am Report to Moderator
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The twist for this you see coming from a long way off, but that didn't stop me from enjoying this little script. I'm a big fan of the "imaginary friend" concept and it doesn't matter how you paint this, it's pretty much what this story is.

One of my fav concepts the old imaginery friend. I can't get enough of it.  

A lot of silly little mistakes with your writing such as you wrote "Phil attend helen appealing." or "Next he poses the box on the table. . . " This didn't make sense to me. It is no biggy but just a distraction from reading.

Bit I am guessing maybe english is not your first language.


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Helio
Posted: October 2nd, 2007, 11:56am Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Hey Glenn! Thanks for your review, dude.

I appreciated your words about a "imaginary friend". Unfortunatly I don't have any, but I love to see that there is people in this tough world that has.

About the silly lines, I'm sorry about that, okay. Maybe because I'm a silly Brazilian. BTW, I'm not good with English language maybe it has been against me all time I'm writing. Anyway, I liked your review.
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DirectorG13
Posted: October 2nd, 2007, 10:05pm Report to Moderator
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I liked it a lot actually. I mean, yeah, it's been seen before but oddly enough, it was truly heartbreaking. It was a good and refreshingly simple story. I liked your writing as well. It was a pretty smooth read and I, generally, had no trouble envisioning it. Keep writing, man.
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Helio
Posted: October 3rd, 2007, 11:22am Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Hey Gregory! Thanks a lot, dude! When I have a time will repay the favor reading yours Smile.
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