SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is September 23rd, 2021, 2:09am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
The 'something' is the September One Week Challange

scripts due to SimplyScripts.com/owc


The January Project!
If you want access to the January Project, click here

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Race Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 5 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    The Race  (currently 2437 views)
Don
Posted: August 21st, 2008, 9:09pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
14970
Posts Per Day
1.98
The Race by Anthony Hudson (alffy) - Short - Preperation is everything in the quest to win the greatest race. 4 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
sniper
Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 2:45am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


My UZI Weighs A Ton

Location
Northern Hemisphere
Posts
2252
Posts Per Day
0.60
Alffy,

Did I just read an ejaculation?


Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 24
alffy
Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 9:02am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2190
Posts Per Day
0.39

Quoted from Sniper
Did I just read an ejaculation?


Erm...yeah.

The idea just came to me, excuse the pun, and I thought it could be quite funny.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 24
dogglebe
Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 10:00am Report to Moderator
Guest User



Didn't Woody Allen do this a long time ago?  No, wait, he did his step daughter!  No, wait, he did something like this in 'Everything You Need to KNow About Sex But Was Afraid to Ask.'

Your version is most subtle, though.  It was nicely told for what it was.


Phil
Logged
e-mail Reply: 3 - 24
sniper
Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 11:22am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


My UZI Weighs A Ton

Location
Northern Hemisphere
Posts
2252
Posts Per Day
0.60

Quoted from dogglebe
Your version is most subtle, though.

Plus Woddy's sperm was more neurotic.



Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 24
alffy
Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 2:59pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2190
Posts Per Day
0.39
Thanks Phil, actually I thought of this when the whole guess the OWC theme was going on.  I thought it might be a bit of fun.  I haven't seen much of woody, he's not my cup of tea.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 24
jayrex
Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 4:26pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1428
Posts Per Day
0.26
Hey Alffy,

I didn't read the synopsis, and so just dived in.  Read the script and went, er what?  Kind of had a feeling this sounded like something but wasn't sure.  Then read everyone's comments and reread the script.  Couldn't stop laughing.  It is like Woody Allen's film.  I wouldn't mind doing my own version.

Great script.

Might I add, I kinda thought there was an Olympic feel to the script.  Kind of a triathlon competition with maps and trying to navigate.

It's funnier the second time now that I know what you were aiming for.

All the best.


Javier


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 6 - 24
alffy
Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 4:33pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2190
Posts Per Day
0.39
Thanks for the Javier

I didn't want it to be too obvious as to what I was trying to achieve here.  The whole idea of sperm not really knowing where to go is funny in itself I think.  Everyone keeps quoting Woody Allen, guess I should check it out.

Glad you found it funny.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 24
stebrown
Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 4:57pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Newcastle, England
Posts
886
Posts Per Day
0.18
Funny short you got here Alffy. Took me a second read to realise what was going on haha been a long week, not normally as thick.

The repetition of 'The room shakes' worked well to build the tension.

Maybe have them swim in the second room though? Just they wear trunks and you call them swimmers but there's no swimming.

I've seen the Woody Allen film Phil mentioned, it's the same premise but done differently.

Good work.


Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 8 - 24
alffy
Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 5:02pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2190
Posts Per Day
0.39
The swimming but not really swimming was something thought about and wasn't really sure how to go about it.  I didn't really want them to swim but wanted them to be dressed as swimmers.  The whole repetition of the room shaking is of course to show the ever quickening...shall we say 'strokes or thrusts' before the invetable climax.  Anyway thanks for the read Ste, glad you found it enjoyable.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 9 - 24
Grandma Bear
Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 9:30pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
7529
Posts Per Day
1.52
Alffy,
TS Fay canceled some of my appointments today so I thought I'd give something short a read.

It was short too. Kind of true to life kind of thing...

Anyway, like some have already mentioned, it reminded me of Woody Allen's film. Although amusing it isn't really a satisfying story. There is no one to identify with. It's just something strange going on that we want to figure out in the end. We do, but then it's sort of just ....okay.

My suggestion would be to give one of the sperms a little bit of a personality. Make him struggle a little to get to the egg. Maybe he has to fight some "evil" sperm or something. You need conflict here, otherwise it's just a commercial for some future fertilisation drug.  I can't spell... sorry.

I still enjoyed it, but you can make it much better.  


.
SS, is still free...
Logged
Private Message Reply: 10 - 24
alffy
Posted: August 23rd, 2008, 12:32pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2190
Posts Per Day
0.39
Thanks for the read and you might have given me an idea there...I'll send it to fertility organisation and see if they want to make a commercial out of it.  Only joking, yeah I could a personality to the main lead/sperm and extend his struggle to be the ONE.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 24
BryMo
Posted: August 23rd, 2008, 2:53pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Orlando
Posts
213
Posts Per Day
0.04
I've only seen a few movies of woody allen so i can't make the camparison. But you sure have... well you have a sense of humor lol.

I was amused, and i liked it. Sure theres no story, which you already know, but it was fun. I say good job!


Shorts:
Good Golly Miss Molly
No Place Like Home
New Moon Rising
Yuno - BRAND-*SPANKIN*-NEW!
The Ballad of Uncle Sam: An Anarchists Melody
Toy Soldier
This Modern Love
A Virgin State of Mind

A GUIDE TO MY LITERARY BABIES
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 24
alffy
Posted: August 23rd, 2008, 4:18pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2190
Posts Per Day
0.39
Thanks BryMo, yeah I know there's not much to this but I thought it was a funny concept so glad you did too.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 24
Grandma Bear
Posted: August 23rd, 2008, 7:46pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
7529
Posts Per Day
1.52
Alffy,

Just had a thought...  why not make the protag sperm "different". Maybe he doesn't want to go at all. Maybe he fights it? Maybe he's scared or gay even?  


.
SS, is still free...
Logged
Private Message Reply: 14 - 24
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006