Eight Seconds by Anthony Russo - Short, Comedy, Animation - Two goldfish try to carry on a conversation. 3 pages - pdf, format

A classic who's on first skit meets the blue fish in FINDING NEMO.

At least that what I got from it. Then the audience thing, as though it were staged to begin with. It really didn't work for me. The writing was fine for a three pager.

Just not much there. Sorry.

Shawn.....><

  

Thanks for the read Ledbetter - and I had no idea about "Finding Nemo" until I wrote this!

Don't get me wrong on one point. Your writing is very good. Keep up the good work.

Shawn.....><

I thought this was a cute idea, a goldfish only has 8 seconds of memory, but the repetitiveness of it got a bit annoying.   I know it's a skit but it would be helpful if there was something more constant that they can play against.  Perhaps you could have the human announce your theme in some unobtrusive way.

There could be a castle in the bowl and when the human puts the fish in the bowl he can remove the castle and say something like he'll 'clean this thing'.

Then the fish start out with the castle and by the middle they've forgotten about it. So the human can replace the castle and they could notice the castle oh, deja vu...

Then they can do a bit more of the skit.  And you could end with the human looking at the tank saying something like ' I wonder why they never swim in that castle... '

Having the human standing there at the end also explains the audience line.

Anyway those are my thoughts.

Michael    

Michael,

Thanks for the read - and a good suggestion. I never thought of putting a human into this, but I guess it would work?

Anthony

I've had goldfish. They're memories are quite amazing. Every time I went near the tank they got exicited. After some training they calmed down.

However. I must stop using that word. And this approach. But for now, I will say this...

Your script works because it plays on a common misconception. And they are often and numerous. Like Bert I like to busta bubles. But here there isn't really one to bust.

Too much dialogue and not enough action for me. That's something I say alot. I hate repeating myself.

Anybong, enjoyed it. Good work me think while reading so that's that.

R

Thanks for the read Ren, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Anthony

Sam and Dave reminded me of Dory (Ellen Degeneres) in Finding Nemo. Good writing though. Just about the time I was getting a bit weary of the memory loops you pulled in the audience. Good timing. I liked MC's recomendations to give it a human touch.

I forgot my usual salutation: Hey Russo!

Gary

I agree that this is kind of like Dory in Finding Nemo. Which I liked btw.

I think you should ad at the end when Dave says "people who watch", a kid or two peering at them from outside with distorted faces.  

Pia / Gary,

Thanks for the reads. And good catch Gary, once I as the writer started to become annoyed, I ended it.

And I didn't know about Finding Nemo. Guess it goes to prove the old adage that there are only like seven original ideas in the world and it's up to us to tell them in a fresh way!

Oh, almost forgot - Hey Rademan!

Anthony

AJ, cute quick read here. I enjoyed it. Got a chuckle or two.

I like Cornetto's suggestion if you expand on this.

As is sits I think the ending could use a better punch line, but liked it nonetheless..

James

A few chuckles is good - thanks for the read jwent.

hey ajr,

let me start off by saying that ive never seen finding nemo. i hate ellen degeneres (even though im the only one who thinks she's not funny) so the thought of hearing her cackle for 90 minutes made me want to cut my wrist with a spork. but alas, im getting off topic.

i really liked the idea here. i thought it was fairly creative and had a lot of potential. furthermore it was well written (but thats to be expected)

unfortunately i didnt like how the whole ordeal was executed. i just thought it could have been better and i wasnt entertain by where it was going or where it went. and i think the reason for this is because its really hard to come up with 3 pages of snappy dialogue with two characters who just constantly forget things. to fix this problem i would suggest either adding a third character or have something happen to the two fish. for example, you could have a snail that talks realllllly slowly (then again, you could just have 1 forgetful goldfish talking to 1 slowly speaking snail). or you could have a cat trying to scoop the two goldfish out of their tanks.

i guess what im trying to say is that you need to throw something else into the mix here. you've got two forgetful goldfish- now have something happen to them that they can then apply their "forgetfulness" to...if that makes any sense haha

at any rate, an entertaining read for sure

Hey Anthony,

Cute. Sure, there are some similarities to Finding Nemo (which I feel is the best Pixar production ever), but it was rather limited in my book. With the setting being what it was - a fishbowl (now, that's a world contained), I thought you took it as far as you could. Did you stretch the story too long? No, I don't think so - but had you added one more word then it would've have been waaaay too long, you know.

All in all, a good chuckle-inducing read.

Cheers
Rob

Hey Will,

Thanks for the read. As for the execution, sorry it didn't work for you. I think Mcornetto had a good suggestion as well with adding a human. I saw this as a frenetic piece though so I would worry about the pacing...

Sniper,

Thanks for the read and glad you got a few chuckles out of it.

Actually this idea comes from a program I saw about a guy in England who had an accident and literally has, like, a 30 second memory. So every 30 seconds he feels like he was just born or just let out of the hospital, and every time his daughter comes over he reacts like he hasn't seen her in twenty years. Very, very sad. I can;t imagine living that existence. Then again, neither can he.

So I thought, why not take the myth about goldfish and play it for comedy?  

Hi,

Just read your short. Good idea for a skit, although reminds of Dory from Finding Nemo. Think maybe you could find another angle... Them writing their names in the sand would be another way to end it, I think.

Funny though. A bit repetitive, but just a bit - good that you kept it to three pages.

khamanna,

Thanks for the read - yeah, Dory's been mentioned before. Glad you got a laugh out of it though!

Anthony

Anthony

Wow, I've never read anything that got on my nerves so quickly, which I presume was partly your intention. Unfortunately, the "so annoying its funny" angle had worn me down by the third page, which again you could attribute to the clarity of your writing. In that you achieved what you set out to do, conduct a conversation between two entities with an extremely limited memory. I mean, the only result of that is what we got here; a mind bending, headache inducing, blood pressure raising, cripplingly frustrating chat.

If you were to expand this you would have to introduce a new element like human interaction or something to break the perpetual, round in circles/back and forth exchanges of the two fish…or maybe put them in a bigger tank, really confuse the motherfu?kers.

Col.

Col,

Thanks for the read - and yes, comically annoying is what I was going for.  

Anthony

Hi Anthony,

It's got but the joke wore thin to the end.

Cut this in half and it would be a decent length.

Have you seen Mythbusters?  They tested goldfish and their eight second memory.

Not a bad effort, could be shorter.

Regards,


Javier

Thanks for the read jayrex - I never saw Mythbusters but I know that this is basically a myth.

Though how you test it one way or the other must be interesting...

hello. liked the spirit of it. can't say i found it cute or humorous, but it was def. written technically well.

c

Thanks for the read purplefilms - I'll take "written technically well"... (0:

Anthony

i kinda remembered .. mounty python'ss Deja vo after reading this .. but it was a good one ... i dont read comedies cause .. most of them turn out to be lame ... but i am glad i read urs .. keep writing .. u have that flare .

Thanks for the read razi and I'm glad you enjoyed it - Anthony

I didn't know gold fish could have a conversation. I thought they just blew bubbles at each other.

This was silly and fun and i enjoyed how you played on the old saying "memory like a goldfish."

Thanks for the read tonka - silly and fun is good!

Anthony

Hey mate,

For what it was, it was a good read. The only real thing that stuck with me is how they were able to remember they didn't have a memory? Curious one.

As ever, your writing is enjoyable.

Andrew

Thanks for the read Andrew - and yes, if you analyze it too long the funny goes away... (0:

How's it going with EMD?

I never bought into the idea that fish only had few seconds worth of memory.  Then how can schools of fish travel across the oceans with that disability?

Clever little script.  You ended it just before it got too repetitious.

Thanks for the read Richcraft - and yes, I think it's a myth for sure. As I said earlier, the idea came to me while watching a program on human amnesia.

Anthony

Been thinking on it and made a few changes since you read it. Eric is now Bobby and the story is gaining depth. Still a way until I am genuinely satisfied with it.

Likely to post it on here within the next month, but am bogged down with life and a short film I'm part of, which is an amazing vehicle for learning. Actually getting your hands dirty with cameras, differing takes and shots, lighting, actors, continuity, make up, sound and even slating will immeasurably improve and give depth to your writing.

Hopefully the experience of being on set will get my lazy arse moving. Not sure if you've heard of it, but am starting to work on a script for next year's Tropfest, which is "the world's largest short film festival" and hopefully I can get something shot and produced for it by October. Obviously to be screened it will be very competitive, but try I must. Check out the site and if you think you have something from a writing perspective, then let me know, 'cos my goal is to get something produced and shot for the festival, whether I write it or not.

Andrew

I like your story better than Finding Nemo.

The dialogue, I think it gets to be a bit heavy. But I still think is good.

The comment on the audience threw me off for two reasons: First, it made me remember that was actually reading instead of allowing me to envision the story. Second, I think it goes against character.

Take care,

Teo

Teo,

Thanks for the read and I'm glad you enjoyed it - Anthony

Yup - funny, annoying, but still funny. Has to be killed off before it gets too annoying, and I think that got that about right.
Simon

Thanks for the read SiColl - and yes, comically annoying was what I was going for.

Just talked to a friend of mine who said her son loaded some program that can animate the fishes. I told her she may beat everyone other pretender to the punch as far as filming one of my scripts.