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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Gone - Back on the market
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  Author    Gone - Back on the market  (currently 2920 views)
AmbitionIsKey
Posted: November 28th, 2016, 8:36pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from khamanna
Hey, Curtis.

I liked the story - the misdirection at the beginning is quite effective.

I'd go deeper into your characters, give them a trait or two. Otherwise we don't know anything about them. Maybe not him as he's only a creep, but she has a life and we could learn some more about her to root for her.

I couldn't understand why she would go to the movies with him in the first place? Maybe she was asked by the school councelor or something?

Then again, for the police they should have had something and asking to be your facebook friend is not enough at all. Maybe he switched classes for her, or wrote her name down for a class without asking?
Anyway, nice job.


Glad that people are finding the misdirection effective, thanks khamanna Agree with you regarding exploring the characters more and giving them different traits, I am going to focus on this a little more during rewrites. Alice goes to the cinema with James as she really has no reason not to, she's a nice girl who has been asked out to see a movie. As for classes/school, I want to keep this as filmable and low budget as possible. It might be hard for a filmmaker to gain access to a school for certain scenes like that.  

Thanks so much for your comments, appreciate your review!


Quoted from JakeJon
So you're Curtis,

Thanks for the free Screenwriting lesson.  Relatively new to the craft so an opportunity to absorb some " new good sh-t"  is appreciated.

Specifically, loved your use of VO in this one.   For me, it was a unique and effective method of  moving the story along.  Definitely kept the reader into the thick of it:  both James and Alice narrating, in past tense, as the action is happening  in the present.   Great!

Gonna save that one!

I forget where but I was told to stay away from director "stuff", ie. camera angles, shots. POV's but your use of (MS) forced me to check that one out.   Thanks.

Oh, also Great Story.  Yeah, I thought James was going to take himself out initially, so the gradual change from victim to killer was "reader" satisfying  

An A+ effort.

JJ


Thanks for taking the time to have a look at this JJ, and glad you enjoyed the use of V.O. Yes, I deffo do tend to stay away from using angle, shot descriptions etc in the writing but I felt the PAN in the finale was important to the narrative/twist.

Happy you enjoyed and thanks for the read!

Curtis


"No matter what you do, your job is to tell your story..."

Short scripts

GONE
(6 pages, drama/thriller)
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AmbitionIsKey
Posted: November 29th, 2016, 4:34pm Report to Moderator
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Got an email from a media production company in Oklahoma who are interested in producing Gone.



"No matter what you do, your job is to tell your story..."

Short scripts

GONE
(6 pages, drama/thriller)

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
AmbitionIsKey  -  November 29th, 2016, 11:43pm
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LC
Posted: November 30th, 2016, 4:17am Report to Moderator
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Curtis, PM'd you.

Also, Anthony's excellent article on screenplay options/sale of screenplays etc. Scroll down for the specific article.

http://simplyscripts.com/?s=damned%20script

This should really be a 'sticky' and repeated in the screenplay/screenwriting class section of the boards.

Don/Anthony?

Almost forgot  

Big congrats, Curtis! Looking forward to seeing it.


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Jenniferkc22
Posted: November 30th, 2016, 4:25am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AmbitionIsKey
Got an email from a media production company in Oklahoma who are interested in producing Gone.



Curtis, wow, that is so exciting! Congratulations  
How does optioning work, I mean do production companies etc, see a script that they are interested on this website Simply Scripts and they then contact the writer? Or do you send query letters to them or both? Thanks.

So happy for you-how exciting.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 30th, 2016, 11:47am Report to Moderator
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A production company would normally contact the writer directly, that's why it's important to have your email on the cover sheet of your scripts.

From there the fun starts with the conversation around option/sale/free etc, I've had a fair few of those conversation and no two are quite the same.

GL with the conversation Curtis (I replied to you PM).

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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eldave1
Posted: November 30th, 2016, 12:12pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats on the request. Nice to hear


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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AmbitionIsKey
Posted: November 30th, 2016, 5:36pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC

Almost forgot  

Big congrats, Curtis! Looking forward to seeing it.

Once again, thanks LC! And thanks for all your help.



Quoted from Jenniferkc22


Curtis, wow, that is so exciting! Congratulations  
How does optioning work, I mean do production companies etc, see a script that they are interested on this website Simply Scripts and they then contact the writer? Or do you send query letters to them or both? Thanks.

So happy for you-how exciting.

Thanks Jennifer

Anthony pretty much hit the nail on the head. Make sure to include an email on the title page of your script so interested parties can contact you. I'm not expert when it comes to optioning/selling my work, but Anthony has helped me out an awful lot and I have agreed to let the company produce this free of charge.



Quoted from eldave1
Congrats on the request. Nice to hear

Thanks Dave


"No matter what you do, your job is to tell your story..."

Short scripts

GONE
(6 pages, drama/thriller)
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Warren
Posted: November 30th, 2016, 6:26pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats.


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AmbitionIsKey
Posted: November 30th, 2016, 7:42pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Warren, and thank you so much for your help. Hugely, hugely appreciated!


"No matter what you do, your job is to tell your story..."

Short scripts

GONE
(6 pages, drama/thriller)
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TonyDionisio
Posted: November 30th, 2016, 8:10pm Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Congrats on the option news. I guess one could say that GONE is now gone.lol.
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MarkItZero
Posted: November 30th, 2016, 10:26pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats, Curtis!


That rug really tied the room together.
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AmbitionIsKey
Posted: November 30th, 2016, 11:25pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks so much guys!


"No matter what you do, your job is to tell your story..."

Short scripts

GONE
(6 pages, drama/thriller)
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AmbitionIsKey
Posted: March 15th, 2017, 10:30pm Report to Moderator
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Just a quick update to let people know that the option fell through, sadly. Creative differences with the owners of the company.

I've had a few emails from other filmmakers/student filmmakers interested, but nothing concrete as of yet.

Still open for more feedback on this! Need to make some time to review a few shorts


"No matter what you do, your job is to tell your story..."

Short scripts

GONE
(6 pages, drama/thriller)
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LC
Posted: March 16th, 2017, 2:26am Report to Moderator
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PM'd you Curtis.


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: March 16th, 2017, 10:11am Report to Moderator
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Shame, but happens all too frequently... hopefully someone else will pick it up.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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