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The Tooth Fairy - WT (currently 2952 views)
Don
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 11:29am
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So, what are you writing?
Location Virginia
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The Tooth Fairy by 0 - Short, Horror - 0 - pdf, format
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Gary in Houston
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 12:18pm
Old Timer
Location Texas
Posts 1305
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Holy shit.
Some of my scripts: Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
Reply: 1 - 31
JEStaats
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 12:48pm
Old Timer
No sh*t, there I was....
Location Tucson, AZ
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Not sure why, but when I read this line it totally derailed my train of thought: Pale shafts of light trap writhing dust motes. Otherwise, I like the creep factor and knowing that total mayhem is about to occur with the child's impending scream. Nice work.
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Reply: 2 - 31
Zombie Sean
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 1:17pm
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Location I said Texas, she said What?
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Quoted Text
Not sure why, but when I read this line it totally derailed my train of thought: Pale shafts of light trap writhing dust motes.
Gotta say the same. Dunno why either, but that line totally threw me off and I had to read it a couple times.
Gruesome tale, though. Short, sweet, and to the point.
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Reply: 3 - 31
khamanna
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 5:06pm
January Project Group
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Hmm, I didn't get it. It seems very interesting though - the visuals are amazing. But ultimately, I'd like someone to explain this to me. What if it's a diamond and I'm just not getting it?
Reply: 4 - 31
Zombie Sean
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 5:22pm
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Hmm, I didn't get it. It seems very interesting though - the visuals are amazing. But ultimately, I'd like someone to explain this to me. What if it's a diamond and I'm just not getting it?
The girl lost a tooth and received $20 for it. The father threw a bit of a hissy fit that he spent money on pliers and got chewed out by the mother, but she doesn't bat an eye giving their daughter $20 for a loose tooth. Turns out the mother didn't give the daughter money after all because she believes that the father did it. The father didn't do it either. So who gave the girl money? A crazy guy from a psychiatric hospital broke into their home, took the pliers, and is now threatening to pull a tooth from the girl's mouth after he gave her money for the tooth she already lost.
Took me a couple reads, but I believe that's what's going on here.
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Reply: 5 - 31
khamanna
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 5:25pm
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Thanks, Sean. But how is her being a frog factor in?
Reply: 6 - 31
Zombie Sean
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 5:32pm
Old Timer
A boozer, a user, and a two-time loser.
Location I said Texas, she said What?
Posts 1583
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Thanks, Sean. But how is her being a frog factor in?
I would say, frogs don't have teeth. But after a quick google search, apparently they do.
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Reply: 7 - 31
LC
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 5:40pm
Administrator Location The Great Southern Land
Posts 7862
Posts Per Day 1.35
Ooh, I thought these weren't up till the 4th!
...
Okay, I get the script totally.
It has a certain person's trademark theme all over it too. Least I think of does...
Yeah... 'Writhing dust motes' is a bit much. 'Dust motes float in a shaft of sunlight' would be better.
See! My autocorrect just tried to changes motes to mites.
Perhaps yours did a similar thing?
Anyway...
Terrific, creepy one-pager! Exactly what a super short should do.
Good on you.
P.S. The first review above is a good one. Very apt. Says it all.
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Reply: 8 - 31
khamanna
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 5:41pm
January Project Group
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Ok, thanks. Either way, it's visual, extremely creepy and makes for an interesting read overall.
Reply: 9 - 31
LC
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 5:44pm
Administrator Location The Great Southern Land
Posts 7862
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What's this about a frog? I miss something?
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Reply: 10 - 31
Zombie Sean
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 5:46pm
Old Timer
A boozer, a user, and a two-time loser.
Location I said Texas, she said What?
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What's this about a frog? I miss something?
Lol, I think it's because of this line:
Quoted Text
Floorboards groan under Minka’s leapfrog assault.
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Reply: 11 - 31
khamanna
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 5:52pm
January Project Group
Posts 4222
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There's also a line that says "Minka takes one big hop inside to reveal a figure in a white dress. So I thought she's a frog that turned into a princess or something. Am I completely off? Lol, the writer must roll his eyes at me now) P.S. ok, got it now. everything is clear as she's not a frog. The writing tripped me a bit. The psycho is a tooth fairy! This is funny and fresh. Yeah, liked this.
Reply: 12 - 31
LC
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 6:22pm
Administrator Location The Great Southern Land
Posts 7862
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Ah, okay.
Nope, I think she's just a boisterous kid, Kham.
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Reply: 13 - 31
ScottM
Posted: April 2nd, 2018, 8:34pm
Posts 49
Posts Per Day 0.02
Creepy AF. The writing was a bit confusing in parts, like the actual word choices. Enjoyable though.
Reply: 14 - 31
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