SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is December 11th, 2019, 9:08pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The Beginners Guide to the SimplyScripts Discussion Board (WIP)


Yes, I am running script reviews, again...

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Holy Cat! - filmed Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
Googlebot, AdSense and 4 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Holy Cat! - filmed  (currently 3386 views)
Don
Posted: May 31st, 2009, 1:54pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13474
Posts Per Day
1.95
Holy Cat! by Michel J. Duthin - Short - Holy Cat! or How to get rid of your wife's cat. 8 pages - pdf, format




Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (3 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  December 17th, 2009, 12:01pm
Logged
Site Private Message
Angry Bear
Posted: May 31st, 2009, 2:15pm Report to Moderator
God of the SimplyScriptsVerse



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
6777
Posts Per Day
1.57
Hey Michel,

just read this one.

I wanted to read it because of the cat. My SoulShadows script deals with a man and a cat too.

Numerous problems with the English throughout, but I ignored that.

The story itself was pretty good and I sort of enjoyed the joke in the end. My only gripe about the end is that it seemed it was a very long build up to that joke. I would almost have preferred a more "story like" conclusion instead of a punchline.

Amy didn't really work for me at all. She was just way too meek IMO. If someone tried to do that to my cat they'd find themself staring down the barrel of my pink revolver, but that might just be me. I think she needs to put up some sort of conflict with Gary.

All in all it was pretty good. Just decide if it's a story or a joke.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 30
alffy
Posted: May 31st, 2009, 2:34pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2299
Posts Per Day
0.46
Hey Michel

I agree that Amy didn't react enough to her belovd cat being dragged away by Gary but I guess this was a comedy after all.  I also agree it was a bit long winded but I found the ending really funny.

Overall I liked this short, it was a easy and quick read and the ending was worth waiting for.  Good stuff.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 30
michel
Posted: May 31st, 2009, 2:42pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
France
Posts
1236
Posts Per Day
0.25
Thanks for your reviews. This short is a minor stuff in what I did lately. And yet, there's worse. I liked to tell a story with repetition humour.

Amy doesn't react enough because:

- she knows Gary wouldn't hurt the cat.
- she has a smart cat.

Anyway, I'm glad it entertained you. It was its only goal. I didn't try to give any message or to prove anything.

Michel


Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 3 - 30
24 Grams
Posted: June 4th, 2009, 9:16pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


Me? I always tell the truth...Even when I lie.

Posts
49
Posts Per Day
0.01
Can i ask a quick question?

Did you get this story from a joke?

Because I'm sure I'm not the only one that knew what was going to happen right from the beinning...


Back Fence Talk (22pgs)

Robert Frost - “Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.”
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 30
michel
Posted: June 5th, 2009, 1:29am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
France
Posts
1236
Posts Per Day
0.25
I don't know if it's a joke, but this is a story I had in my head for years.

I'd appreciate if you could give me your opinion on the script.

Thanks

Michel


Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 5 - 30
LC
Posted: June 5th, 2009, 2:48am Report to Moderator
Moderator


Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
3861
Posts Per Day
0.94
Well, Michel I'll give you my opinion on the script. With the French/English - translation sometimes a bit gets lost in the translation and sometimes like Stevie pointed out the other day in ref. to your "Lust" script, a "richness" is conveyed.

"Giggling River" - "bubbling brook" - French - English. I liked that "giggling river", I got what it meant. I could see and hear it.

You said your aim was to entertain and imo you succeeded. It was an easy read (I didn't find the set up tedious at all) in fact I enjoyed wondering what the main character was going to do next.

And I had a great "giggle" at the punchline!

Libby


Logged
Private Message Reply: 6 - 30
michel
Posted: June 5th, 2009, 3:03am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
France
Posts
1236
Posts Per Day
0.25
Hi Libby,

as for my other script "Endless Story", I'm glad to entertain even if English my first language.

Anyway, my next shorts won't be as bright and gay as my last ones. I'm currently entering a "dark" period.


Quoted from LC
With the French/English - translation sometimes a bit gets lost in the translation and sometimes like Stevie pointed out the other day in ref. to your "Lust" script, a "richness" is conveyed.
"Giggling River" - "bubbling brook" - French - English. I liked that "giggling river", I got what it meant. I could see and hear it.


I always loved "pictured" words. Even in French.

Glad for your "giggle".

Michel




Revision History (1 edits)
michel  -  June 5th, 2009, 3:13am
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 7 - 30
michel
Posted: June 5th, 2009, 3:21am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
France
Posts
1236
Posts Per Day
0.25
A message from the cat BTW



Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 8 - 30
LC
Posted: June 5th, 2009, 3:36am Report to Moderator
Moderator


Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
3861
Posts Per Day
0.94
Just want to clarify: In reviewing "Lust" Stevie said :

"How can I explain better...that French aspect you put in your English gives a more authentic touch. Does that make sense?"

And the "richness" I was talking about was when I read a line in "Lust" (I think) from the main character in which he said he was leading a "rich" life "- my interpretation was that he was not-wanting/ he was fullfilled - but your French usage of "rich" conveyed more "flavour" and imagery than our bland English word "fulfilled" woud have. So, see even though some things may not appear as grammatically correct in English (to us) a certain flavour is expressed in your writing that otherwise we would not be able to appreciate.

I thought I'd reviewed Lust - must have got lost in note-pad - my bad! Anyway I hope you get what I mean. Libby



Logged
Private Message Reply: 9 - 30
michel
Posted: June 5th, 2009, 3:48am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
France
Posts
1236
Posts Per Day
0.25

Quoted from LC
- but your French usage of "rich" conveyed more "flavour" and imagery than our bland English word "fulfilled" woud have. So, see even though some things may not appear as grammatically correct in English (to us) a certain flavour is expressed in your writing that otherwise we would not be able to appreciate.


You wrote the word that says it all "imagery". That's what I meant when I said "pictured" words. Imagery is so important when you write scripts, isn't it?

Michel


Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 10 - 30
James R
Posted: June 10th, 2009, 2:48pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while


Supper time!

Location
Arizona
Posts
221
Posts Per Day
0.05
That was a pretty funny one, Michel. Nice set-up for a joke. Not sure if anyone else has asked, but how did the cat get home so quickly? I was half expecting that Amy had numerous cats hidden from Gary or something, which made the punch awesome as I was not expecting it. I laughed aloud.

The descriptions and action were very precise, though the scenes driving got a little repetitive. Not sure they can be avoided though, so no worries.

Gary was a great character, very entertaining. Doesn't he know a cat lady, though? It seems like every neighborhood has a cat lady who will take in as many strays as come wandering into her house. I guess that wouldn't have been very funny, huh?

Good short, nice writing.

James


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 30
michel
Posted: June 10th, 2009, 3:06pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
France
Posts
1236
Posts Per Day
0.25
Thanks James for the reading.


Quoted from James R
The descriptions and action were very precise, though the scenes driving got a little repetitive. Not sure they can be avoided though, so no worries.

Like I said above, I tried comic repetition. You can't avoid it.

Quoted Text
There are two types of humour: repetitive humour and repetitive humour.
Basically you can either repeat humour or make a repetition humourous.
Now if you repeat a repetition you add a comical relief, such as:
repetition + repetition = repetition + comical relief
Just reading this is humourous. It's repetitive humour. Now you can also start with a comical relief and repeat it, and you obtain just a repetition. Example: "LOLOLOL! LOLOLOL!"
so in the end we obtain: comical relief + comical relief = repetition
when factored into the previous equation, which I'll repeat here:
repetition + repetition = repetition + comical relief



Quoted from James R
Good short, nice writing.

Like I always say, and this most of the time to the newbies, I reached my style of writing after learning here from everybody. You must know that English is not my first language. So, I will take it as a warm compliment.

Michel


Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 12 - 30
James R
Posted: June 11th, 2009, 9:30am Report to Moderator
Been around a while


Supper time!

Location
Arizona
Posts
221
Posts Per Day
0.05

Quoted Text
There are two types of humour: repetitive humour and repetitive humour.
Basically you can either repeat humour or make a repetition humourous.
Now if you repeat a repetition you add a comical relief, such as:
repetition + repetition = repetition + comical relief
Just reading this is humourous. It's repetitive humour. Now you can also start with a comical relief and repeat it, and you obtain just a repetition. Example: "LOLOLOL! LOLOLOL!"
so in the end we obtain: comical relief + comical relief = repetition
when factored into the previous equation, which I'll repeat here:
repetition + repetition = repetition + comical relief

That's awesome, where did that come from? I've only heard of the comedy rule of three. And your English was just fine, no complaints there. I actually liked the "giggling river".

James


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 30
michel
Posted: June 14th, 2009, 5:41pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
France
Posts
1236
Posts Per Day
0.25
Thanks James. I found the quoted text on a forum somewhere on the net. Thought it could be interesting.

About the giggling river, it's sometimes an advantage from French expressions (which sometimes I create myself too)

Thanks for the reading anyway

Michel


Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 14 - 30
 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006