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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Alone - Produced Moderators: bert
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  Author    Alone - Produced  (currently 7182 views)
Don
Posted: August 17th, 2012, 8:59pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Alone by Bill Sarre (reef dreamer) - Short, Drama - A man returns with his dog to a special beach. Producer Note: One location, One actor. 2 pages - pdf, format




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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  March 17th, 2014, 1:56pm
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jwent6688
Posted: August 17th, 2012, 9:28pm Report to Moderator
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Wherever I go, there Jwent.

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Bill,

Well-written. That's about all I've got to say. Hard to critique a one pager. It managed emotion.

I read a story that's been lingering with me for awhile, this reminded me of it. Twas about a guy who's lifelong pet, a dog, was so old and wretched with such an awful arthritis that she could not sleep. she was in pain even on such a soft surface as a bed. But, he found if he took her out to water and held her, she could sleep. So, every morning, he would take his dog out into the beach waters and hold her for a couple of hours while she slept until she finally passed.

Stuff like that hits me in the core.

btw, was there a one page contest I wasn't aware of?? I see another one just posted.

James


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danbotha
Posted: August 17th, 2012, 9:35pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Bill,

I'm stuck on what to actually say about this one. Yeah it was well-written, couldn't fault you in terms of formatting and writing.

A really powerful story, which has impact. That's not common with one-page shorts like this, so good job there. I was intrigued the whole way through. The image of a guy talking to "himself" has always been something that interests me and I think you nailed it.

For the first time I actually saw the point of FADE OUT. You didn't have one in this script and I have to admit I did end up wondering if this script was actually finished? It just seemed (to me) like such a random and unnatural way to finish...

Otherwise, some excellent writing. Now, time to go finish 'Pagan Man'

Daniel


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Gage
Posted: August 17th, 2012, 10:14pm Report to Moderator
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Well, I can't say that it's something I've never seen before, but I can't say that I didn't enjoy it, either.  Touching and really easy to produce, I can definitely see this one getting made.

Gage


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pale yellow
Posted: August 17th, 2012, 11:15pm Report to Moderator
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Two words! Love it! Good job with such short distance. A lot of feeling in a tiny amount of space. Enjoyed reading this Bill. Kudos!

d


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alffy
Posted: August 18th, 2012, 7:53am Report to Moderator
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Hey Bill.


SPOILERS!!!



A good bit of misdirection in this one.  Well written and quite moving, which is not easy in a one pager.  It's difficult to say much else; how do you critique a single page?
Good work, really liked it.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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nawazm11
Posted: August 18th, 2012, 9:13am Report to Moderator
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Nice, Bill. I had an idea similar to yours that I'd write if I could get off my lazy arse... Or in this case, stay on my arse long enough that I pull final draft out . Anyway, I really liked this. If I were a film student, I'd get my hands on this immediately. Hopefully you get this produced as I'd love to see the final product.
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Dreamscale
Posted: August 18th, 2012, 10:08am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

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Bill, good job, mate.  This works.  It's moving.  It's effective.

Nothing more needs to be said, really.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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stevemiles
Posted: August 18th, 2012, 10:49am Report to Moderator
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Bill,

nicely done, subtle and to the point.  Bittersweet.  Canít say more than that.

Steve.


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: August 18th, 2012, 2:38pm Report to Moderator
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The effects of writing again....

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Hi folks,

First off, thanks Don for posting - very quick.

To everyone else, sorry I hadn't responded earlier, I've had a delightful day travelling through france in a car with screaming kids to a campsite!! Thankfully it's got wifi, even if the worse wifi in history.

Otherwise, thanks for the kind words and reviews. To answer James, this was my recent entry in the Movie Poet one page competition (slightly amended since) and a few suggested this could get produced. I didn't intend to post it here but with that feedback I thought, why not?

I actually like the one page format. It's clearly very limiting but in a way that makes it very difficult. For those interested the recent 50 scripts in that competition show what can and can not be achieved. Alas I didn't win but I was only 0.1 off an honorable mention which wasn't too bad for my first script there.

Cheers

Bill


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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oJOHNNYoNUTSo
Posted: August 18th, 2012, 3:21pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Reef Dreamer
For those interested the recent 50 scripts in that competition show what can and can not be achieved. Alas I didn't win but I was only 0.1 off an honorable mention which wasn't too bad for my first script there.


Congrats anyway for almost pushing a top spot, I want to read the competition. It was superb, many can relate to the theme, including myself. Thanks for posting!

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jayrex
Posted: August 18th, 2012, 7:41pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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It's been a while since I've commented on these boards.

I thought I'd read this script as it has the same title of one of mine.

It was a good easy straightforward read.  Nothing much to add.

All the best.


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CoopBazinga
Posted: August 19th, 2012, 6:51pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Bill,

Not much to add my friend. A good solid one pager and well-written. You've managed to create a lot emotion in one page so well done.  Iím guessing a MP entry.

Good work, buddy.

Steve
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: August 20th, 2012, 3:19am Report to Moderator
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The effects of writing again....

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Hi folks,

Sorry for the late respond but this campsite wifi is beginning to get on my *****

@johnny - thanks for the read, glad you enjoyed. MP have had the one pager comp for three years so there is a nice back list of others.

Jayrex - thanks for the read and welcome back, seems you've taken a break.

Coop - as always thanks for the read. Little you can do with one page but I tell you it is really possible to make a hash of it!!

Cheers

Bill


My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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Electric Dreamer
Posted: August 20th, 2012, 8:55am Report to Moderator
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Hey Bill,

This is nicely done. Clean. Clear. Visual.
However, I was onto you with the getting knocked over in the sea bit.
That's something other species are more likely to experience than canines.
Still, it was a good misdirect. Though my mind went to a slightly diffy place...
I thought there might be something less edible in the bag.
Something that would get spread about in the ocean.

Good job!

Regards,
E.D.


LATEST NEWS

CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
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