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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Vultures Moderators: bert
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  Author    Vultures  (currently 342 views)
Don
Posted: October 18th, 2020, 2:39pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Vultures by Yuvraj Rajwanshi - Short, Drama - For a farmer, nothing is worse than seeing his crops destroyed. But there is always something much worse.  4 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Yuvraj
Posted: October 18th, 2020, 3:40pm Report to Moderator
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The link isn't working, Don.


Most recent script: DEAD AHEAD, VULTURES
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Don
Posted: October 18th, 2020, 4:32pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Quoted from Yuvraj
The link isn't working, Don.


Fixed.

Don


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Yuvraj
Posted: October 18th, 2020, 5:15pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Don


Fixed.

Don


Thanks Don for posting. And for that amazing swiftness my man!!


Most recent script: DEAD AHEAD, VULTURES
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BarryJohn
Posted: October 19th, 2020, 10:55am Report to Moderator
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Hi Yuvraj.
I didn't see a story here. To me, it was much to poetry.

All the best.    


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Yuvraj
Posted: October 20th, 2020, 4:27am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from BarryJohn
Hi Yuvraj.
I didn't see a story here. To me, it was much to poetry.

All the best.


Thx, Barry, for reading and commenting.

I think it is pretty much clear. The story shows the harsh side of life. One misery just befallen, another soon followed.

Anyways, if it felt poetic to you, it is completely fine. Love to hear different perspectives.  

Thank you once again.


Most recent script: DEAD AHEAD, VULTURES
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Fais85
Posted: October 20th, 2020, 6:23am Report to Moderator
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Yuvraj,

Even though there isn't any story here, this is well written. This will work as an opening for something bigger or a random scene from a bigger story.

On second thought, if I look at this story from an Indian perspective, this may work as a political satire too. Parasites (capitalism) are destroying the farmers (farming industry) for their own benefits. Perhaps, I am thinking too much. Lol.

Good writing.
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Yuvraj
Posted: October 20th, 2020, 7:38am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Fais85
Yuvraj,

Even though there isn't any story here, this is well written. This will work as an opening for something bigger or a random scene from a bigger story.

On second thought, if I look at this story from an Indian perspective, this may work as a political satire too. Parasites (capitalism) are destroying the farmers (farming industry) for their own benefits. Perhaps, I am thinking too much. Lol.

Good writing.


Thanks, Fais, for reading and commenting.

As for mentioning that there 'isn't any real story here', I would beg to differ. Since no writer writes without anything in his/her head.

This simply signifies the fact that when life hits you with bad luck, it hits really hard.

Anyways, thank you checking this out.



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Zack
Posted: October 20th, 2020, 1:49pm Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Yuvraj, gave this a read. First, your writing continues to improve. You've come quite a ways in a short time.

But I'll echo the others and say I didn't see much of a story here.

Still, some interesting visuals on display. Keep writing, Dude.
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Yuvraj
Posted: October 20th, 2020, 3:03pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Zack
Yuvraj, gave this a read. First, your writing continues to improve. You've come quite a ways in a short time.

But I'll echo the others and say I didn't see much of a story here.

Still, some interesting visuals on display. Keep writing, Dude.


Thank you,  Zack, reading and commenting.

As far as the story goes, I will say there is a story. Back to back misery. No one wants that.

Thank you once again for checking this out.


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Zack
Posted: October 20th, 2020, 4:18pm Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Less of a story and more of a theme IMO.
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Yuvraj
Posted: October 28th, 2020, 8:00am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Zack
Less of a story and more of a theme IMO.


Well, I probably don't disagree.


Most recent script: DEAD AHEAD, VULTURES
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Miranda
Posted: November 18th, 2020, 5:01pm Report to Moderator
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I found it easy to read. It can develop to a nice story.
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Yuvraj
Posted: November 19th, 2020, 3:50pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Miranda
I found it easy to read. It can develop to a nice story.


Thank you, Miranda, for reading and commenting.


Most recent script: DEAD AHEAD, VULTURES
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Kirsten
Posted: November 20th, 2020, 7:58am Report to Moderator
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Hi Yuvraj,

I like the tone and visuals, very gloomy and ambiguous. You've set the stage well for a story, I feel more along the lines of horror though for this one. Maybe it's because I just watched a new release last night called The Dark and the Wicked. Your script reminded me of that. Set on a isolated farm, a dying husband in bed, wife depressed, but in this instant it was the devil harassing them. The tone of that is similar to yours and it got 90% critics on rotton tomatoes. Although I thought the story was too simple. The scripts of yours that I have read are strong with tone and atmosphere which is great!  


"Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....

'What we do in the Shadows.'
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