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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  The May 2021 Challenge  /  May Challenge Round 3
Posted by: Don, May 28th, 2021, 6:20pm

Sister-Hood by No Name - Sometimes family reunification can turn out wrong.  Short, Drama

Reprisal by Mr. Kusturica - A small time drug dealer is given the chance to move up the ranks. But will he be able to do what is asked of him?  Short, Crime

Feeling Vilified by Sex Machine - A police detective interviews the traumatized survivor of a violent, sexual assault: a 7-year-old boy.  Short, Drama, Crime

Billy's Choice by Fork in the Road - A Japanese man's life might have turned out very differently.  Short, Drama

North of the Cenotaph by Léo Major - A WW2 Vet revisits his former life and time in the war.  Short, Drama, War

Disorder by Alice - An elderly Marine talks about the worst thing he's ever seen.  Short, Horror, War

Reaching by Winston - A young soldier fights to overcome a previous traumatic experience.  Short, Thriller

The Boundary by
Cabeza De Vaca - A party of Spanish explorers journey into an unknown land in search of riches only to find themselves lost in an ocean of tallgrass with an unseen terror stalking their every move.  Short, Horror

Grave Men by No Noyce - A dilemma in a man's personal life makes for an opportunity for a dangerous group of people.  Short, Drama

The Darkest Hour by L. C. F. - A desperate man discovers there is always more to lose when he learns of a terrible cycle that seems doomed to repeat itself.  Short, Horror

Perspectives by
EMB - The embers of despair prompt a desperate woman to action.  Short, Drama

Past and Future Tense by Si Morley - A detective's case sends him back in time.  Short, Sci Fi

A Crowbar To The Skull by A Reservoir Dog - A man’s path leads to off-the-charts aggression and peril.  Short, Horror

Jagged Little Pill by Shmoop A Loop - A troubled mother faces the consequences of her battle with post partum depression.  Short, Drama

Misread by nottuB nimajneB - A struggling couple seek help for their communication issues, but is it enough?  Short, Drama, Tragedy

Bastard Saint by Father Christmas - A mall Santa revisits his ugly past after a child asks for one wish: for Santa to kill his abusive father.  Short, Horror

Shuan by Humpetty Dumpetty - A man lying in the sand faces the biggest challenge of his life.  Short, Drama

Fun Guy by Fungas McFungi - A research laboratory assistant who uses humour to mask a lifetime of abuse and pain snaps and decides to kickstart the zombie apocalypse.  Short, Horror

Hollywood is Dead by Those Dirty Little Rabbits - Misfortunate times for a rebellious fool when he competes for a running title amongst the Hollywood Crème de la crème, only to find himself walking along the boulevard of broken dreams… and bones.  Short, Dramedy
Posted by: AnthonyCawood, May 28th, 2021, 6:36pm; Reply: 1
Wow that was super quick!
Posted by: LC, May 28th, 2021, 7:03pm; Reply: 2
Thanks, Don, as always.

You guys, (and girl?) great effort!

Thought there might be more dropouts.
19 entries for Round 3!

Looking forward to reading. :)
Posted by: Zack, May 28th, 2021, 7:21pm; Reply: 3
Great turn out! Gonna dive in and start reading. :)

Thanks for all your hard work, Don and Libby!
Posted by: SAC, May 28th, 2021, 8:24pm; Reply: 4
Good luck everyone!
Posted by: Geezis, May 29th, 2021, 2:17am; Reply: 5
Whats the timescale for reading and scoring? Sorry if I’ve missed this info.
And well done everyone for getting a story in.
Posted by: LC, May 29th, 2021, 2:39am; Reply: 6

Quoted from Geezis
Whats the timescale for reading and scoring? Sorry if I’ve missed this info.
And well done everyone for getting a story in.


Everyone wrote this using the OWC timeline, so...
I'm guessing, (using usual OWCs as a guide) Writer's Choice might be due around Friday, 4th June.
Don can correct me if I'm a bit off course there.

Don will email the ballot.

Ditto to your last point, Owen. A bigger turnout than I thought.

I'm noticing a lot of war themed scripts this time around too.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. :)




Posted by: MarkRenshaw, May 29th, 2021, 5:44am; Reply: 7
I've read and reviewed a few. Going to take a break till tomorrow to clear my head. You do have to concentrate to get these scripts but so far the majority of the ones I've read have been superb. The experimental narrative puts a new spin on everything, even basic ideas seem fresher. I see now why it's quite a popular format.
Posted by: Geezis, May 29th, 2021, 6:10am; Reply: 8

Quoted from LC


Everyone wrote this using the OWC timeline, so...
I'm guessing, (using usual OWCs as a guide) Writer's Choice might be due around Friday, 4th June.
Don can correct me if I'm a bit off course there.

Don will email the ballot.

Ditto to your last point, Owen. A bigger turnout than I thought.

I'm noticing a lot of war themed scripts this time around too.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. :)






Thanks  LC ;D . Been invited to a BBQ this afternoon, now I know I have time I can go and have a few beers.

Posted by: eldave1, May 30th, 2021, 10:42am; Reply: 9
Through most of them (thank goodness cause I have a busy week ahead).

Some very interesting stories so far. A very nice mixture of themes and premises. Open genre is such a delight in OWCs from a reading perspective.

I think we are on the cusp of a new era in those "rules" of screenwriting. I think there were around four scripts that played with fonts/pictures on title pages or in the script. I'm a fan. It just adds entertainment value.
Posted by: Mr. Blonde, May 30th, 2021, 10:57am; Reply: 10

Quoted from eldave1
I think we are on the cusp of a new era in those "rules" of screenwriting. I think there were around four scripts that played with fonts/pictures on title pages or in the script. I'm a fan. It just adds entertainment value.


No, Dave! Don't do it! Resist the urge! =)
Posted by: eldave1, May 30th, 2021, 11:02am; Reply: 11

Quoted from Mr. Blonde


No, Dave! Don't do it! Resist the urge! =)


Too late - I've tumbled into the visual abyss
Posted by: LC, May 30th, 2021, 6:23pm; Reply: 12
A reminder... in a good way.

You all have until Friday, 4th June midnight edt.
Ballots have been sent out.

And Don will put the clock up soonish anyway.

So plenty of time to read and review in a semi-leisurely way.   :D
Posted by: ReneC, May 31st, 2021, 9:54pm; Reply: 13
Phew. I've only read five so far and some required a second read, and my notes are twice as long as usual. There's a lot to dig into this round, not just the stories and the writing but how the format was used and how effective it was. I think it's worth it as a learning experience, and some will probably make fantastic short films, but it's real work.
Posted by: Matthew Taylor, June 1st, 2021, 3:20am; Reply: 14
This feels like a leisurely round compared to the last two lol

Just had a hot bank holiday weekend in the UK so I was busy doing stuff. Gonna try and get to as many as I can over the next few days.

Posted by: MarkRenshaw, June 1st, 2021, 5:43am; Reply: 15
Read and reviewed them all. I'll sleep on them (oo'err missus) and vote tomorrow.

Excellent work from everyone. The few that I couldn't quite work out, I don't blame that on the writer at all. The experimental narrative made this one tricky to figure out and I just couldn't put the pieces together for some.
Posted by: Gum, June 1st, 2021, 1:24pm; Reply: 16
Okay, 99.999999% sure that’s all read and reviewed. If I missed yours and you’re absolutely ‘jonesing’ for another review, just shoot me a PM.

FYI, I’m technically out of the tournament cause I missed round two (all good), but in a uncontrollable bout of madness, I sent Don a few scripts for this round anyway, and he was kind enough to post one for the final challenge.

That being said, I really dug this theme going on here this time around and was happy to get one in, so a huge thanks to Don and Libby (and any and all Mods who may or may not have took part in the madness) for letting me submit a script even though I fell off the boat, lol.
Posted by: spesh2k, June 1st, 2021, 1:48pm; Reply: 17
Been a busy weekend, will be getting to all of these tomorrow.
Posted by: MarkRenshaw, June 1st, 2021, 6:12pm; Reply: 18
I've seen a few comments on a couple of the scripts which suggest the script may not match the experimental narrative theme because its not mixed chronology. I even made a comment one one script along similar lines and then I checked the rules.

"You might elect to write in mixed chronology, or have your story start with the end at the beginning i.e., reverse chronology, you might mix up past, present, and future. Tell your story in non-linear structure."

I would hate to see scripts get a DQ because of this as I think everyone did so well.
Posted by: LC, June 1st, 2021, 6:19pm; Reply: 19
Yep, that's it, Mark.

Experimental Narrative -

"You might elect to write in mixed chronology, or have your story start with the end at the beginning i.e., reverse chronology, you might mix up past, present, and future. Tell your story in non-linear structure."

It was a tough challenge.
Nobody should be DQ'd unless they blatantly flouted the parameters.

From what I see everyone did their best to mix it up. :)
Posted by: spesh2k, June 1st, 2021, 6:59pm; Reply: 20
Read all of them and sent in my ballot. Some solid entries here, though some of these were hard to follow -- which is probably due to my own ineptness rather than falling on the writer's shoulders. That was expected though, given the rules to this challenge. Solid work all around from everybody!

-- Michael
Posted by: MarkRenshaw, June 2nd, 2021, 5:35am; Reply: 21
These challenges are eye-opening experiences for several reasons. What always amazes me is the variety of responses. A script I don't care for at all, others adore, and vice versa. One comment can say they think the writing is clunky, the very next comment says the opposite. A scene someone hates is another reviewer's favourite.

I generally get an idea of what I need to address for the next draft, which is priceless. Just think though, these inconsistent responses give you a taste of what happens to your script when you send it to a competition or a production company. Your fate is in the hand of a script reader whose tastes and mood are completely unknown. It really is a roll of the dice.

I heard it said once that there's no such thing as a terrible script as long as you find someone who likes it, and it is true. The trick is, finding that person who loves what you write and making that connection.
Posted by: Matthew Taylor, June 2nd, 2021, 6:12am; Reply: 22

Quoted from MarkRenshaw
These challenges are eye-opening experiences for several reasons. What always amazes me is the variety of responses. A script I don't care for at all, others adore, and vice versa. One comment can say they think the writing is clunky, the very next comment says the opposite. A scene someone hates is another reviewer's favourite.

I generally get an idea of what I need to address for the next draft, which is priceless. Just think though, these inconsistent responses give you a taste of what happens to your script when you send it to a competition or a production company. Your fate is in the hand of a script reader whose tastes and mood are completely unknown. It really is a roll of the dice.

I heard it said once that there's no such thing as a terrible script as long as you find someone who likes it, and it is true. The trick is, finding that person who loves what you write and making that connection.


"It would be a dull world if we all thought alike" - Evelyn Waugh

Generally, when I am reading through the comments on my entry, I try to find a common theme or issue, if it comes up a few times then there might be something in it.





Posted by: spesh2k, June 2nd, 2021, 6:30am; Reply: 23

Quoted from MarkRenshaw
These challenges are eye-opening experiences for several reasons. What always amazes me is the variety of responses. A script I don't care for at all, others adore, and vice versa. One comment can say they think the writing is clunky, the very next comment says the opposite. A scene someone hates is another reviewer's favourite.

I generally get an idea of what I need to address for the next draft, which is priceless. Just think though, these inconsistent responses give you a taste of what happens to your script when you send it to a competition or a production company. Your fate is in the hand of a script reader whose tastes and mood are completely unknown. It really is a roll of the dice.

I heard it said once that there's no such thing as a terrible script as long as you find someone who likes it, and it is true. The trick is, finding that person who loves what you write and making that connection.


Yeah, that's why I don't do screenplay competitions. They cost too much money and rarely do you see any high-placing scripts get made into films anyway. Yes, if you place high, there are some nice perks (meetings, exposure, prize money), but it's a lottery IMO. Me personally, I write to make money, not lose it. As for production companies, if you can find a way to get past some of the college intern readers/gate keepers that some of these companies have, I like my chances much better. Especially if they read a one-pager or treatment first and then request the script -- the one-pagers and treatments pretty much tell them exactly what the script is.

I do disagree on your point that there's no such thing as a terrible script -- there is certainly such a thing. Yes, it's based on opinions, but when the general consensus is that a script sucks and wouldn't make any money, then it sucks. But I do agree with that all it takes is one person to really love what you write to get your shit off the ground -- of course, that same person needs to convince several other people to agree on it... and then somehow convince investors they'd get a solid ROI. It really is a shitty business to get into lol.

-- Michael
Posted by: MarkRenshaw, June 2nd, 2021, 7:57am; Reply: 24
It is, Michael. I agree with all your points. We are all lunatics trying to make it in this  business, lol.

But at the end of the day I love writing too much and I'd do anything, jump through any hoop to 'make it' as a writer, give up my day job and write full time.
Posted by: ReneC, June 2nd, 2021, 9:01am; Reply: 25

Quoted from MarkRenshaw
It is, Michael. I agree with all your points. We are all lunatics trying to make it in this  business, lol.

But at the end of the day I love writing too much and I'd do anything, jump through any hoop to 'make it' as a writer, give up my day job and write full time.


We don't write because we want to. We write because we have to.

There is absolutely such a thing as a terrible script, and to Mark's point if that script finds just the right reader it might get made anyway. We've seen countless examples of this. We've seen countless examples of good scripts being made poorly too, but if the script is bad it doesn't matter how well it's made, it's bad.

One of the great travesties is we have some truly excellent writers here who deliver consistent quality script, and yet those bad scripts keep getting made instead.

I've come up with a solution. SS needs a sponsor.  ;D
Posted by: Mr. Blonde, June 2nd, 2021, 1:09pm; Reply: 26

Quoted from ReneC
I've come up with a solution. SS needs a sponsor.  ;D


The First Annual SimplyScripts Triple Crown Presented by NAMBLA.

I, uh... Wow, is this...? Yeah, we should really vet who we choose for sponsors, shouldn't we, guys? Yeah, wow...
Posted by: PKCardinal, June 2nd, 2021, 5:00pm; Reply: 27
Done. Voted.

I wonder if Mathew's wife drank all the wine he gave her? Think she'd share?

I'm just saying... that was exhausting.
Posted by: Zack, June 2nd, 2021, 5:04pm; Reply: 28

Quoted from PKCardinal


I'm just saying... that was exhausting.


You can say that again, Dude. I've only read like half of them thus far and it's been tough getting through them. I think it's the odd structures that are throwing me off my game. :(
Posted by: Matthew Taylor, June 2nd, 2021, 5:17pm; Reply: 29

Quoted from PKCardinal
Done. Voted.

I wonder if Mathew's wife drank all the wine he gave her? Think she'd share?

I'm just saying... that was exhausting.


You can try taking some from her, but last time I tried I almost lost a finger
Posted by: ReneC, June 2nd, 2021, 5:34pm; Reply: 30
I have a feeling the scores are going to be all over the map for this one.
Posted by: eldave1, June 2nd, 2021, 5:36pm; Reply: 31

Quoted from ReneC
I have a feeling the scores are going to be all over the map for this one.


In honor of the theme - I did my reviews in reverse chronological order.

First - I completed by scorecard

Second - I commented on the scripts.

Third - I read the scripts

I feel that was the true artistic way to do it.
Posted by: ReneC, June 2nd, 2021, 5:39pm; Reply: 32
I tried that, but turning my computer on came last, so...
Posted by: PKCardinal, June 2nd, 2021, 5:48pm; Reply: 33

Quoted from Matthew Taylor


You can try taking some from her, but last time I tried I almost lost a finger


I think I read Zack's script about that.

Except, in the script, it's your head. And, you did lose it.
Posted by: LC, June 2nd, 2021, 5:48pm; Reply: 34
Haha, guys!
Very good.  ;D
Posted by: eldave1, June 2nd, 2021, 6:12pm; Reply: 35

Quoted from ReneC
I tried that, but turning my computer on came last, so...


Noice!
Posted by: Zack, June 2nd, 2021, 6:56pm; Reply: 36

Quoted from PKCardinal


I think I read Zack's script about that.

Except, in the script, it's your head. And, you did lose it.


What!? I'd never take Matthews head! Maybe an arm. Or a foot...  ;D
Posted by: spesh2k, June 2nd, 2021, 7:32pm; Reply: 37

Quoted from ReneC
I have a feeling the scores are going to be all over the map for this one.


Not sure how everyone else felt, but I felt like I liked the scripts in the 2nd round were much better. There wasn't one this round that truly stood out to me as great, unlike the last round where I gave more excellent scores than any challenge I've ever been involved in. That being said, there was some quality work here given how difficult the rules were for this round. There were 3 that I felt were above the rest this IMO, but we'll see. The comments seem to be a little all over the place for each entry.
Posted by: Matthew Taylor, June 3rd, 2021, 5:09am; Reply: 38
Read and voted.

Well done to all, some really fun and interesting scripts in there - Some used the non-linear much more effectively than others though, a few it added to the story, others It felt a bit forced and the story would probably work better as linear.

My entry isn't doing too great, so could be a photo finish at the end  ;D
Posted by: PKCardinal, June 3rd, 2021, 11:19am; Reply: 39

Quoted from spesh2k


Not sure how everyone else felt, but I felt like I liked the scripts in the 2nd round were much better. There wasn't one this round that truly stood out to me as great, unlike the last round where I gave more excellent scores than any challenge I've ever been involved in. That being said, there was some quality work here given how difficult the rules were for this round. There were 3 that I felt were above the rest this IMO, but we'll see. The comments seem to be a little all over the place for each entry.



I figured going into this round that comments were going to be all over the place. I told my wife that I have to accept that some people just flat weren't going to understand my script. And, I knew that there would be good scripts that I missed out on because I couldn't get my head around the concept. That pretty well played out. The only way to avoid that confusion is to go more overt. I didn't want to do that. I'm sure others made the same choice.

And, I agree. Round 2 was strong.
Posted by: PKCardinal, June 3rd, 2021, 11:21am; Reply: 40

Quoted from Matthew Taylor


My entry isn't doing too great, so could be a photo finish at the end  ;D


I've thrown it in reverse, too, Mathew. So, no worries from me, I don't think.
Posted by: JEStaats, June 3rd, 2021, 11:40am; Reply: 41
My entry this round was written more for me than anyone. It's something that I've had in mind for quite some time and I knew it would be a bit confusing for most because ________*

I also can't believe that no one has called me out on _______*

And for those reasons, I expect low scores.

*Stay tuned for the reveal.
Posted by: PKCardinal, June 3rd, 2021, 11:49am; Reply: 42

Quoted from JEStaats
My entry this round was written more for me than anyone. It's something that I've had in mind for quite some time and I knew it would be a bit confusing for most because ________*

I also can't believe that no one has called me out on _______*

And for those reasons, I expect low scores.

*Stay tuned for the reveal.


Count me curious!
Posted by: spesh2k, June 3rd, 2021, 2:07pm; Reply: 43
I can't wait until "Who wrote what" is revealed... I oh-so badly want to comment on mineeeee... but I shall restrain myself...
Posted by: Zack, June 3rd, 2021, 2:09pm; Reply: 44

Quoted from spesh2k
I can't wait until "Who wrote what" is revealed... I oh-so badly want to comment on mineeeee... but I shall restrain myself...


Are we allowed to start guessing?
Posted by: spesh2k, June 3rd, 2021, 2:14pm; Reply: 45

Quoted from Zack


Are we allowed to start guessing?


I'm guessing not until all votes are in.
Posted by: PKCardinal, June 3rd, 2021, 2:30pm; Reply: 46

Quoted from spesh2k


I'm guessing not until all votes are in.


Everyone in unison now... I'm guessing Zack wrote...
Posted by: Zack, June 3rd, 2021, 2:40pm; Reply: 47

Quoted from PKCardinal


Everyone in unison now... I'm guessing Zack wrote...


Guess I haven't made it very difficult this challenge, huh?  ;D
Posted by: Mr. Blonde, June 3rd, 2021, 2:45pm; Reply: 48
Zack, I haven't read them all and I could've guessed which one was yours... Lol.
Posted by: Geezis, June 3rd, 2021, 4:01pm; Reply: 49
Read, reviewed and scored. Some great tales in there, once again.
Looking forward to my middle of the table position and my never ending trek to mediocrity.
A very well done to everyone who entered, difficult challenge but well tackled and tamed by all.
Posted by: AnthonyCawood, June 3rd, 2021, 5:59pm; Reply: 50
Just voted after reading and commenting on all the scripts.

Given this was outside of the comfort zone for most of us I am surprised by the quality of the scripts this round, great job everyone!
Posted by: LC, June 3rd, 2021, 6:35pm; Reply: 51

Quoted from Zack
Are we allowed to start guessing?


You are officially allowed. You know the drill. Only if you've voted.
Thread here:

https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-0521/m-1622762514/

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