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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    May, 2015 One Week Challenge  ›  The Necro File - OWC
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  Author    The Necro File - OWC  (currently 6668 views)
Dreamscale
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 7:44pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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  Really?

Max, I did not intend to say the script was "shit".  The aside says, "Shit!".  My response was exactly the same, "Shit!".  It's where I bailed, but in no way was I trying to bash the writer or the script.

Mr. Simon, thanks for responding for the writer.  Sounds like you'd write this the same way the writer did...which is...uh...interesting, shall we say.

If you really want to get into my comments exactly as written and intended, we could do that.  And, if necessary, I could very easily tell you exactly why each item I brought up, was brought up and what's wrong about it.

And, no, it's nothing about any rules you seem to take issue with - it's about common sense and what either makes sense or doesn't make sense in both a written script and a filmed movie.

Sorry to ruffle your feathers.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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Max
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 7:57pm Report to Moderator
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I disagree with Simon's view, he speaks for himself so that's his own battle.

When you're reviewing a script, and you read a piece of the dialogue that says "Shit!"... and you follow that with...

"Yeah, shit is right. I'm out, I'm afraid!"

To give context to the tone, and this may or may not be correct - Imagine if you were reading somebody's book... infront of them, imagine you read a piece of dialogue that said "shit"... you closed the book infront of them and said "shit is right, I'm out"

See what I mean? That's how it reads, despite your intentions.

It's just weird because you never had that tone with me, and I was wow'd by the fact you even bothered to help me which I'm still extremely happy with but still... I'm a man with more than six sides, I say what I say.


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Dreamscale
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 8:21pm Report to Moderator
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Hey...I calls 'em as I sees 'em.

The point is that the word, "Shit!" in the script is an aside. It was placed there with some intention of eliciting a response, and I gave the response that it elicited from me.

Sorry if that offened or upset anyone, as it obviously did.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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JSimon
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 8:27pm Report to Moderator
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Fenigus, his comments are useful to beginning writers. Not saying you are one, I don't know you. But if you are to succeed you will need at some point to outgrow these non-existent commandments. What Dream confuses as rules are guidelines to beginners...nothing more. For example, beginners fill their work with things that are not filmable. So it's wise to teach them to avoid these "asides". But there is in fact no rule against using them, and they can and do serve a purpose. Every pro writer uses them, and they use them knowingly. I could go into some of the purposes for using them, but better to just let you learn this on your own, which you will, as soon as you accept that these rules he insists on simply don't exist.
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Max
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 8:29pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
Hey...I calls 'em as I sees 'em.

The point is that the word, "Shit!" in the script is an aside. It was placed there with some intention of eliciting a response, and I gave the response that it elicited from me.

Sorry if that offened or upset anyone, as it obviously did.


Bro, I'm a grown ass man... I've been through strife in my life, and it doesn't equate to some comment you made on simplyscripts.com, for real.

If you want to upset me you have to get in my face and say something. If you want to offend me you have to walk up to me and do something.

I'm on about tact here and that's what it is, we all have different standards of what tact is of course but again... it's all opinion, an opinion which I gave some sort of context to.

This ain't my script, you know that... so it ain't on a "pissed off because he ripped my script" vibe, because I PM'd you politely and asked for advice... without ever taking an insulting tone.





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Dreamscale
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 8:38pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Quoted from Max
Bro, I'm a grown ass man... I've been through strife in my life, and it doesn't equate to some comment you made on simplyscripts.com, for real.

If you want to upset me you have to get in my face and say something. If you want to offend me you have to walk up to me and do something.

I'm on about tact here and that's what it is, we all have different standards of what tact is of course but again... it's all opinion, an opinion which I gave some sort of context to.

This ain't my script, you know that... so it ain't on a "pissed off because he ripped my script" vibe, because I PM'd you politely and asked for advice... without ever taking an insulting tone.


Yeah, bro, it's all cool from my viewpoint.



To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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Dreamscale
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 8:39pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

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Quoted from JSimon
Fenigus, his comments are useful to beginning writers. Not saying you are one, I don't know you. But if you are to succeed you will need at some point to outgrow these non-existent commandments. What Dream confuses as rules are guidelines to beginners...nothing more. For example, beginners fill their work with things that are not filmable. So it's wise to teach them to avoid these "asides". But there is in fact no rule against using them, and they can and do serve a purpose. Every pro writer uses them, and they use them knowingly. I could go into some of the purposes for using them, but better to just let you learn this on your own, which you will, as soon as you accept that these rules he insists on simply don't exist.


Dude, there you go again quoting rules.  I didn't say a word about any rules, did I?

Why are you so obsessed over these "rules" as you call them?  I don't get it...I honestly don't get it.



To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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Max
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 8:58pm Report to Moderator
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I'm done here anyway, I deleted my last post because it wasn't what I wanted to get across.

All I'm saying Dreamscale is that you can do better, as a teacher... because that's what you seem to be, a person who wants to teach.

I'm all for that, because people in this world would probably charge money for what you told me, and I got simple advice for free.



Revision History (1 edits)
Max  -  May 29th, 2015, 9:10pm
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Iancou
Posted: May 29th, 2015, 9:15pm Report to Moderator
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Nice effort. The action portions started out like a typical script, then morphed to one-line descriptions. Made for a quick read with... nice?... imagery. While the necrophilia angle is not my cup of tea, it was well written for the most part. The ending lacked the punch I was expecting, but others may disagree. Good work.


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nawazm11
Posted: May 30th, 2015, 7:38am Report to Moderator
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I haven't really focused specifically on writing here, but, man, that first line is just atrocious. Really think of rewording it. Besides that, the writing was pretty good, except some little mishaps here and there.

Not my thing, but I could see the appeal, some good dialogue and character work, story works for what it is, not a lot to complain about, but again, not my thing. Good effort.

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PrussianMosby
Posted: June 3rd, 2015, 4:22pm Report to Moderator
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THE NECRO FILE

Okay, title and logline are awesome of course. There's already tension before opening that Necro FILE.

Super openinig.

Before he reaches the elevator, I think Wade deserves a line of text to fix his insecurity and tell us about his state of mind, and especially what he thinks about his colleagues. They all are talking about him. There's no single reply. So, why do they bully someone who's not worth to joke with (with a cold view) – Wade's potential speech could be presented subtle of course.

Heavy. If you'd stay a bit away from comedy in second and third act, it could be extremely horrifying. The ending felt like a copout via irony; no shame, many did so in this tough challenge, imo.

If you'd bring it to the end more serious, I can imagine the horror peeps at festivals would praise your stuff. The jokes in first act are great but I suggest you to let it go all evil from then on. That would be such a heavy journey from cool guys bullying the virgin to pure terror.

All those one-liners are partly hard to follow because sometimes you present a tiny reaction from Wade, then you let this dead woman move, which is much more bold action/emotional and should stand out more imo. Good effort. Some points to rethink to let it shine.



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Stumpzian
Posted: June 5th, 2015, 8:34am Report to Moderator
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Would somebody explain the Tom Petty reference.  One of his eighties videos?  If so, I don't remember it.



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JSimon
Posted: June 5th, 2015, 8:37am Report to Moderator
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aowSGxim_O8

Kind of a famous video back in the day.
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Stumpzian
Posted: June 5th, 2015, 9:47am Report to Moderator
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Ah, I get it it now, thanks. Never saw this one (wasn't paying attention in the mid-nineties).



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DanC
Posted: June 5th, 2015, 11:21pm Report to Moderator
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I would have preferred Cold Ethyl from Alice Cooper...


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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