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A Sea of Stars - May2 (currently 530 views) |
Don |
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 10:29am |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16448 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
A Sea of Stars by Elliot - Hope for rescue is all that's left for two people in the middle of the ocean. Location: Body of water Object: Item of advanced or electronic technology. Short, Sci Fi |
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Revision History (1 edits) |
LC - May 17th, 2021, 9:08pm | | |
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Pleb |
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 11:33am |
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LocationUK Posts444 Posts Per Day 0.15 |
Nice, very nice!
I think I get what it was about but not entirely sure, and that perhaps was your intention. But I really liked it nonetheless. Solid writing that kept me interested throughout.
Really good work. |
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Spqr |
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 2:08pm |
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Posts483 Posts Per Day 0.09 |
Very nice. I couldn't figure out the need for the three "stars" that showed up, since Karen and David got to their own ship safely, so are they the bad guys? Was it a Gray who wounded David? There's a good sci-fi movie here. |
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Reply: 2 - 26 |
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eldave1 |
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 3:51pm |
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January Project Group
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
Beautifully written 3 pages - I got a little confused on the 4th - had to read it a few times.
You are very vivid writer - I enjoyed reading this |
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Reply: 3 - 26 |
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spesh2k |
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 3:58pm |
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January Project Group
LocationHarlem USA Posts1186 Posts Per Day 0.20 |
I got a little confused at the end... I assume they're aliens? Other than that, this was very well written. And even though I was a little confused at the end, I still liked what I think the twist was suggesting. Good stuff.
-- Michael |
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JEStaats |
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 7:46pm |
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Old Timer No sh*t, there I was....
LocationTucson, AZ Posts1736 Posts Per Day 0.61 |
Great writing and thoroughly enjoyed it (even tough I've no idea what the ending means). I think I'll reread again in case I missed something but, regardless, really great writing. |
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Cacutshaw |
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 8:00pm |
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January Project Group
Posts177 Posts Per Day 0.07 |
Like the writing a lot. Atmosphere was great and the beginning of the mystery was intriguing. But, I've read it twice and hove no idea what happened. |
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Zack |
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 8:11pm |
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January Project Group
LocationErlanger, KY Posts4501 Posts Per Day 0.69 |
Gonna echo the others and say that I enjoyed this one very much... Until I had no idea what was happening. Looking forward to hearing an explanation for this one's ending. Still, some serious creativity here. Good work. |
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LC |
Posted: May 17th, 2021, 11:33pm |
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Administrator
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts7634 Posts Per Day 1.34 |
At first I thought, ooh, bit dense, but it was a compelling and beautiful read.
Is the MAN a clone? Dutch pirates?
They are not of this world? I confess to ignorance...
But I loved it. |
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Yuvraj |
Posted: May 18th, 2021, 10:00am |
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Been Around
LocationWhy you wanna know? Posts792 Posts Per Day 0.50 |
Liked the writing here. Not sure about ending here. It went over my head. Decent effort, though. |
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Geezis |
Posted: May 18th, 2021, 3:41pm |
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January Project Group There's always a single malt waiting for you.
LocationGlasgow, Scotland Posts411 Posts Per Day 0.26 |
Minimalist dialogue and some really great descriptive writing but I'm sorry I just don't get it. I'm sure if the story was expanded I would understand it better. Well done. |
| If at first you don't succeed........bribe someone. |
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Reply: 10 - 26 |
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: May 18th, 2021, 6:03pm |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4323 Posts Per Day 1.13 |
This has a sort of Life of Pi, crossed with Ray Bradbury, vibe to it and I like it.
Not sure I fully get the ending, but still very well written. |
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MarkD |
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 1:29am |
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Posts142 Posts Per Day 0.10 |
Didn't get this one. However the writing is pretty good. |
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MarkRenshaw |
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 5:36am |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts2335 Posts Per Day 0.58 |
As per everyone else, I enjoyed the read and I love the intrigue you create by having the two avoid rescue and then reveal that these may not be human after all.
I also don't get the ending. Why did three stars move overhead? Are they rescue ships? If so, why did something enormous appear underwater?
All you needed was a little more to make it clearer. Excellent effort that just needs another draft to polish off. |
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Matthew Taylor |
Posted: May 19th, 2021, 5:52am |
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January Project Group
LocationShakespeare's county Posts1770 Posts Per Day 0.88 |
Great writing, put me right there with them. Intrigue was peaked when they hid from a boat that could have rescued them, clearly they didn't want to be and I wanted to know why... I don;t understand why though, I am probably being a bit slow but I don;t understand the ending, sorry about that.
Great story up until that point though and I am eager to hear what the ending is about.
Great work |
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Two steps to writing a good screenplay: 1) Write a bad one 2) Fix it |
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