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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    The May 2021 Challenge  ›  The May, 2021 Challenge 2, Who Wrote what...
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spesh2k
Posted: May 21st, 2021, 4:07am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood
I still liked it Michael, white suntan and all


I didn't lol. I don't think I've ever written anything this bad. It doesn't even have my voice in it. And outside of that, it's just a mess on the writing end of things. I just gave up on it like 2 pages in and decided to write the stupidest shit ever. For some reason, in my drunken mind, my main focus was to throw everyone off my scent rather than conjuring up a good story.


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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MarkRenshaw
Posted: May 21st, 2021, 6:48am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from spesh2k
I have no idea why I wrote what I wrote. I pride myself on originality. I'm sure 90% of what I write is something nobody's seen before (in my mind, of course). But I fucked up. And after 6 vodka sodas (some of which I sweated off on the way home), I decided to go the first and most unimaginative, most cliche way possible. And I hate sci-fi, I hate watching it, I hate writing it... unless it's either genius or silly. So, I went silly. And the second I hit "submit", I hated myself. I didn't even read what I wrote. I wrote it, sent it... and apparently I wrote "white suntan"... when I could've sworn I said "white suntan lotion on his nose". WTF. I got home after working at a bar all night w/ 5 hours left and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. So, I wrote some bullshit. And I regret it. Even if my shit doesn't land, at least it's usually well written. Not this round!

Depends on what the criteria is for the next round, but I hate putting out shit that I fucking hate. We'll see if I continue. But that round sucked for me. I hated it while I was writing it but all I wanted to do was finish it and go to bed and hope for the best. I feel like this challenge exposed me as a failed writer.


Stop beating yourself up with every branch in the forest. There is nothing wrong with your script, in fact as you saw from my comments I liked it. I gave it either a Good or a Very Good in my scoring, I can't quite recall. I too try to write things that are more original, but you know what? Eight times out of ten when I do that, people don't understand what I'm trying to write. Look at how many people couldn't figure out what Lure was about? When things are familiar folks are more likely to get it.

So you wrote something a bit cliche. Well, guess what a cliche is? A idea that was once so great, everyone now copies it. The idea that you can write a cliche and make it works shows you have skill, because it does work. As cliche and cheesy as it is I found myself rooting for pops as he took on the alien monster.  

These OWCs are great learning experiences. If you write your first, second or even third idea, chances are it's a cliche or similar to something else, like my Smiler was. One thing I did note was several writers had a draft submitted within hours of the announcement. A lesson there is if you have three days to write something, take that time. Regardless, I liked yours and I'm sure others did.

As for Lure, I put a black man in the back of a police car!! WTF was I thinking? Obviously, I wasn't, lol. That's the first things I'm going to change.



For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Lono
Posted: May 21st, 2021, 7:14am Report to Moderator
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This is the first time I ever submitted anything to this challenge, Mine was really half baked and I wrote it in the bits of time I had between chasing my 5 year old around lol. The next one, I'll be sure to put more thought into it and not submit the first thing I withe so hastily, and include my username too so people aren't like Wtf? Thanks everyone for reading it! It's amazing how talented all of you are.

For the record, I really liked your script Micheal, I don't think it's as bad as you think it is.
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LC
Posted: May 21st, 2021, 7:21am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Lono
...The next one, I'll be sure to put more thought into it and not submit the first thing I withe so hastily, and include my username too so people aren't like Wtf? ....

Lonnie, what do you mean by include your username? Just curious.

Congrats on your first challenge, btw.


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Lono
Posted: May 21st, 2021, 8:46am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC

Lonnie, what do you mean by include your username? Just curious.

Congrats on your first challenge, btw.


Thanks! I just mean when submitting to include my username, I know I'm not very active on this forum and people probably wonder who I am.
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Zack
Posted: May 21st, 2021, 9:41am Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Quoted from Lono


Thanks! I just mean when submitting to include my username, I know I'm not very active on this forum and people probably wonder who I am.


No need to put your username on the script. It's an anonymous challenge.


WITCH HUNT - horror, 77 pgs

THE 1997 TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE - horror, 82 pgs

HERE COMES THE BOGEYMAN - horror, 24 pgs
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LC
Posted: May 21st, 2021, 10:01am Report to Moderator
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Zack, I think I got that Lonnie meant when you're submitting a script it says: Name on the first line.
And then underneath it says: Discussion board name. ?

Anyway, I'm going to bed so I can put the challenge up in approximately nine hours, or maybe a bit less... We'll see.  


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MarkRenshaw
Posted: May 21st, 2021, 10:03am Report to Moderator
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Yes, I think that's what he meant. I always type poopypants for that option.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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LC
Posted: May 21st, 2021, 10:05am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from MarkRenshaw
Yes, I think that's what he meant. I always type poopypants for that option.

Haha. Thanks for the laugh before bed.  



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MarkItZero
Posted: May 21st, 2021, 4:46pm Report to Moderator
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Last round. Took a shot to the ribs in the first round, a right hook in the second. Don't know if I can go on but Mick keeps shouting "Get up Rocky. Get up, ya bum!"


That rug really tied the room together.
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FrankM
Posted: May 21st, 2021, 5:26pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from MarkItZero
Last round. Took a shot to the ribs in the first round, a right hook in the second. Don't know if I can go on but Mick keeps shouting "Get up Rocky. Get up, ya bum!"


My favorite quote was “He’ll kill ya ta death!”


Feature-length scripts:
Who Wants to Be a Princess? (Family)
Glass House (Horror anthology)

TV pilots:
"Kord" (Fantasy)
"Mal Suerte" (Superhero)

Additional scripts are listed here.
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irish eyes
Posted: May 21st, 2021, 5:45pm Report to Moderator
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Destination unknown was fun to write... but boy my dialogue sucked balls

I set myself a target to get the 2nd script in by 10:00pm and I focused so much on the story that I tried to make John come off as uncaring asshole, smug and all...
instead he's more robotic

Easy fix... Thanks for the reviews

Not sure if I can do the 3rd one though. 56/57 scripts in a couple of weeks, no matter how long kinda burns this guy out


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Geezis
Posted: May 21st, 2021, 7:28pm Report to Moderator
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There's always a single malt waiting for you.

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Quoted from Zack
I guessed Paul's script!

Marnie and Geezis, I really enjoyed both of your scripts this round. Good stuff.

Thanks Zack, I'm still learning so every opportunity to write and each observation/criticism only adds to my growth. Thanks for the feedback.


If at first you don't succeed........bribe someone.
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Geezis
Posted: May 21st, 2021, 7:36pm Report to Moderator
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There's always a single malt waiting for you.

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Writing Acolyte taught me how to tighten up a story. It was originally 6 pages long and the first three was dialogue and character.
I shut down a lot of dialogue, tightened up the character development and managed to condense it down to four pages.
The feedback I received was all fair and honest and looking back now I can see where I can improve on that story.
For everyone else who is just starting as I did 18 months ago, hang in there. The feedback may seem harsh but it's not in any way malicious, it's experienced writers helping another storyteller improve technique, style and substance.
This site and it's member have been invaluable in that respect and over time your writing will improve and you will see the benefits.
If you have a story to tell, tell it. The technical details can always be polished up.
Well done to everyone who put a story in, I enjoyed reading them all.


If at first you don't succeed........bribe someone.
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ReneC
Posted: May 21st, 2021, 9:58pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Geezis
Writing Acolyte taught me how to tighten up a story. It was originally 6 pages long and the first three was dialogue and character.
I shut down a lot of dialogue, tightened up the character development and managed to condense it down to four pages.
The feedback I received was all fair and honest and looking back now I can see where I can improve on that story.
For everyone else who is just starting as I did 18 months ago, hang in there. The feedback may seem harsh but it's not in any way malicious, it's experienced writers helping another storyteller improve technique, style and substance.
This site and it's member have been invaluable in that respect and over time your writing will improve and you will see the benefits.
If you have a story to tell, tell it. The technical details can always be polished up.
Well done to everyone who put a story in, I enjoyed reading them all.


Well said.


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