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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    The June 2021 Challenge  ›  I Do... - June Challenge Moderators: Zack
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  Author    I Do... - June Challenge  (currently 323 views)
Posted: June 21st, 2021, 12:05pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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I Do... by Someone Else - A bride to be is confused by the wedding vows proposed to her by the minister.  Short, Dramedy

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Gary in Houston
Posted: June 21st, 2021, 12:54pm Report to Moderator
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Clean and well-written, pretty easy to visualize everything going on here.  Certainly a different take on the idea of being trapped -- it's being metaphorically trapped in a situation and feeling the pressure of having your whole life being constrained in a relationship.

It's a bit difficult to have her get out of the situation except on her own, given the rules of the challenge, but it might have been interesting to just take it on a truly over the top situation.  Like a marauding band of women with sabers and assault weapons come in to try and rescue her, but she declares that this is something she has to do on her own and does a lot of action moves to get out of the church.  I don't know, just spitballing.  Or maybe have her show her anxiety before the wedding so we know why she's hearing what she does from the minister.  Again, page limits keep you from delving too deep into the story.

Still, good effort and a different twist on the challenge. Best of luck.

An utterly mediocre writer who somehow still falls bass ackwards into getting some of his scripts produced.
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Posted: June 21st, 2021, 6:09pm Report to Moderator
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Las Vegas, Nevada
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Interesting take on the escape theme. Outside the box. I got it and liked how it played out.
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Posted: June 21st, 2021, 6:24pm Report to Moderator
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Well written piece but I'm not entirely sure she's trapped in any real sense, afterall she said yes to getting married in the first place.

But, it's well written and moves long at a decent pace.

I wonder how many Brides, and Grooms, stand there and think similar.

Decent effort.

Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
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Posted: June 21st, 2021, 7:22pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer

A helluva long way from LA
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Ahhh... gotcha.

Haha, nice take on Runaway Bride. Luv those films. Luv the concept -- it one of those we've all seen before, but it ages like fine wine. Quite frankly, I didn't care too much for the RB script but the film turned out great. I did, however, enjoy this. Dani, the bride to be has anything, but cold feet. She might as well be wearing running shoes down the alter, as that is what we get to see, and it would be a funny thing to watch as well.  As much of a d!ck as this dude is... I can’t blame her I would have done the same damn thing.

Truthfully, I'm glad you didn't go over-the-top. I just think it would be the wrong way to go here. You kept it simple. Even a blind man can visualize it...if one were to read it to him. Um, methinks some might miss the boat with Dani being "trapped." Silly me...

You have a unique style and it works. Can't really think of anything to critique with this. Loved it. Best of Irish luck! -A

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Posted: June 21st, 2021, 7:46pm Report to Moderator

The Great Southern Land
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I envisaged being 'physically trapped' with this challenge, or some impediment preventing escape.

That said, nice effort here. I imagine it takes a lot to walk out on your own wedding.

Loved the surreal aspect of this and you crafted it very well with the addition of the dreamlike/trapped sequence with everyone else basically ignoring her. She signed up for one thing but her fears of what will actually materialise is potent, and quite a nice commentary - fantasy v reality, at least with this particular match.

Great comedic timing with:

I do...
I do... Not.  

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Posted: June 21st, 2021, 7:59pm Report to Moderator
Been Around

Some travelling Circus...
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I guess this could work both ways, and it always seems like it would be the Groom who has second thoughts, especially if the Bride’s Maids were better looking than his soon to be, 'very' soon to be wife, he might feel the weight of a chain closing in around his ankle… even if just metaphorically. Mind you, maybe the Groomsmen were a few Chip n’ Dale type looking beefcakes and she was thinking the same thing.

Anyway, the feeling of being trapped in a situation is probably not the same as being trapped in a situation physically, but even an escape room has a way out, you just need to find the key. In this case, it was just a matter of walking away, which could actually be a lot harder than escaping a moving vehicle, there’s bound to be some emotional scarring for everyone involved, and the prospect of returning to what it was only moments prior to running off could never happen… got deep there, sorry. I like the premise and it fits the narrative, or theme that is. Best of luck.

My scripts and templates: Obfuscation
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Posted: June 22nd, 2021, 2:18am Report to Moderator
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At first sight comedic and on the second very poetic.
Nicely executed.

Thank you
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Posted: June 22nd, 2021, 11:38am Report to Moderator
Been Around

At my desk
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I don't think this fulfills the challenge. Not physically trapped. But been said that, a nice comedic effort here. A good use of reality and fantasy here.

Good luck.

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Posted: June 22nd, 2021, 1:01pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer

No sh*t, there I was....

Tucson, AZ
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Debatable. I liked it and think it fits as she felt trapped in her interpretation of marriage and was able to escape it. Physically trapped? She definitely felt the squeeze and claustrophobia of commitment.

Good work, writer.
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Posted: June 23rd, 2021, 2:33pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group

Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Fantastic writing on display here. Really like pretty much everything about this one, other than the fact that no character was "physically" trapped/stuck. I do see your argument, just not sure I buy it.

Still, I really like this and expect it to score high. Great job.

An example of my writing...

FOR SATAN - short, horror, 14 pgs (revised draft) - A group of thrill-seekers explore a creepy old house on Halloween night. Think you know this story? Think again.
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Posted: June 23rd, 2021, 2:47pm Report to Moderator
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I liked every bit of this except for the last line of dialogue. It felt like a defense of your script specific to the challenge.

Though, I do think you need an ending.

Still, I enjoyed this commentary on societal expectations. Well done.

60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature
The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature
Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature

Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
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Posted: June 23rd, 2021, 5:35pm Report to Moderator
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New York
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Hey writer,

Congrats on completing the challenge.

Notes: this was funny. Unfortunately, per the task, it didn’t feel like she was trapped. She did say no and got the hell out of there, lol. I see this getting easily picked up and made, which is the important thing, lol.

Hope this helps,

Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
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Abe from LA
Posted: June 24th, 2021, 3:31am Report to Moderator

Downey, California
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Good writing here. But I didn't quite feel that Dani was trapped. She's a strong and smart character. I guess I expected her to "run." If this was set in the 1950s, it would feel different because of societal expectations/pressures. But, overall an enjoyable ride.
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Posted: June 24th, 2021, 5:03pm Report to Moderator

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I kept expecting Dani to wake up from the nightmare. But no, she was obviously transported somewhere or somewhen where women are treated like chattel. But no, these people seem like everyday folks. So how did Dani get this far without realizing what type of people she was mixing herself up with?  While I appreciate the sentiment expressed in this scrip, Dani doesn’t come off as an innocent in this affair.
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