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I, Max Ruddock, greatest movie screenplay writing person ever, who writes the most beautiful screenplays, they're just perfect, the best, demands a recount. I have it on authority that the votes were counted using Dominion machines. Made in Chyna! CHYNA! The mainstream media wouldn't want you knowing that. But it's true. Somebody told me. So it's bigly true.
But, with that in mind, I don't want to come across as a sore loser. I'm not. I'm actually the best loser ever. The experts have all told me that. So well done Marnie for the win. It's very deserved. Also well done to Pia and Robert too.
And well done to everyone who took part. Especially me.
I read an article that mentioned Trump before writing that and couldn't get his voice out of my head. Would love to see a OWC on politics or something like that. Anything Trumpish is comedy gold as far as I'm concerned.
Oh and I almost forgot, massive thanks to Warren and Don for running it!
I've not done particularly well in any of them so far but love taking part and know that if these things weren't going on, more often than not I wouldn't be writing at all, so thanks guys for getting me to actually do something.
I'm writing this here instead of in. its own thread so it won't get overlooked.
I'm going to rewrite my script Thrilled to Kill. I wrote it with my sense of humor/humour, which is a dry Swedish/British type, and comedy is subjective, so no need to tell me the jokes fell flat. What I am looking for is suggestions on making the story better. Or anything else for that matter. Like the docu style. I have never seen The Office, so if that's the only reference to mockumentaries, it's not going to work. Some people wanted a different ending. Suggestions?
I also wrote it with ease of production in mind, in case I end up filming it myself. Or anyone else for that matter.
If anyone has any thoughts on how to improve the script, please let me know.
I'm writing this here instead of in. its own thread so it won't get overlooked.
I'm going to rewrite my script Thrilled to Kill. I wrote it with my sense of humor/humour, which is a dry Swedish/British type, and comedy is subjective, so no need to tell me the jokes fell flat. What I am looking for is suggestions on making the story better. Or anything else for that matter. Like the docu style. I have never seen The Office, so if that's the only reference to mockumentaries, it's not going to work. Some people wanted a different ending. Suggestions?
I also wrote it with ease of production in mind, in case I end up filming it myself. Or anyone else for that matter.
If anyone has any thoughts on how to improve the script, please let me know.
Do you mean Covid masks, Marnie, or scary camouflage masks? Either could be good.
The strongest bit for me comedy-wise, Pia, is when they bungled their first kill. I'd capitalise on the physical comedy there. Oh, and Karen being in charge and the brains of the operation. Brad being not so bright.
Karen watches her from behind a column. She pushes a button on her phone.The woman’s phone rings.
Perhaps (given the target here is known) mention something about their gullible followers, or how they track their chosen victims.
Might be funnier if instead of this:
Brad stifles another squeal, puts his hands in his lap to hide the bulge in his pants.
- Brad gets amorous with Karen maybe? (and the Interviewers become more and more uncomfortable). Perhaps an additional comment on how much their extra-curricular activities have spiced things up in the bedroom? Maybe they were in a rut? Maybe Lockdown was driving them crazy and restrictions were eased so they could exercise? Euphemism, obviously.
This was another line that cracked me up. Doing their bit for the planet.
One less human without leaving a big carbon footprint. One less carbon footprint might suffice?
Instead of the Narrator maybe go with two young and naive Doco or Podcast guys, perhaps? And, I like Zack's idea - bring it back to the Interviewing duo looking decidedly uncomfortable by the end.
I'm on the fence about the cooking & Hollywood angle.
I'm writing this here instead of in. its own thread so it won't get overlooked.
I'm going to rewrite my script Thrilled to Kill. I wrote it with my sense of humor/humour, which is a dry Swedish/British type, and comedy is subjective, so no need to tell me the jokes fell flat. What I am looking for is suggestions on making the story better. Or anything else for that matter. Like the docu style. I have never seen The Office, so if that's the only reference to mockumentaries, it's not going to work. Some people wanted a different ending. Suggestions?
I also wrote it with ease of production in mind, in case I end up filming it myself. Or anyone else for that matter.
If anyone has any thoughts on how to improve the script, please let me know.
The couple describes their process of torture to the narrator, and show him/her the setup.
They trick narrator into a torture chair, and the torture begins -
but to their surprise narrator gets off on being tortured and is a huge fan of theirs. (they were known, right?)
This then turns the couple OFF of the entire thing. Bloody hell, he's enjoying it!
Now we're at a standstill. LOL
The dialogue gets rather absurd at that point - torture me dammit! Kill me slowly, painfully, omg savor it, is that my left buttock? The more commands the narrator gives, the more uncomfortable they get lol - Rip off my toenail - slowly!
The more the narrator gets off on it, the more repulsed the couple gets.
Like you said, humor is subjective but it's all in the setup of the world - if you buy into it, the reader will. imo
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What I am looking for is suggestions on making the story better. Or anything else for that matter. Like the docu style. I have never seen The Office, so if that's the only reference to mockumentaries, it's not going to work. Some people wanted a different ending. Suggestions?
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