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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    January 2019 -††One Week Challenge  ›  January/February OWC theme is...
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  Author    January/February OWC theme is...  (currently 7287 views)
hawkeye
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 10:03am Report to Moderator
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I gave my amusing script to a writer friend for his review. Letís just say he was... unamused. Yikes.  Anyone got some punch lines to spare?


My web site and scripts can be found here:

Gary's web site
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ReneC
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 10:19am Report to Moderator
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I'm also pretty excited to read these. It's going to be a hoot!

I haven't looked at mine since finishing it. I showed it to my filmmaker friend and...well, he doesn't want to shoot it. I think it made him nauseated.  But he's dead inside, so maybe I hit the nail on the head.


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FrankM
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 10:20am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from hawkeye
I gave my amusing script to a writer friend for his review. Letís just say he was... unamused. Yikes.  Anyone got some punch lines to spare?


This is part of why my little red boat is securely tied to the dock. I think someone could do a good story with the concept. I am convinced that someone is not me.


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Matthew Taylor
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 10:43am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from hawkeye
I gave my amusing script to a writer friend for his review. Letís just say he was... unamused. Yikes.  Anyone got some punch lines to spare?


What does a nosy pepper do? Get jalapeno business


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Zack
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 11:01am Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Quoted from Matthew Taylor


What does a nosy pepper do? Get jalapeno business


That gave me a migraine.  

Zack


MY RATING SYSTEM

  -  5/5
  -  4/5
  -  3/5
  -  2/5
  -  1/5
  -  0/5
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ReneC
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 11:18am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Matthew Taylor


What does a nosy pepper do? Get jalapeno business


I hope your script is full of dad jokes.


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eldave1
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 11:20am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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Quoted from hawkeye
I gave my amusing script to a writer friend for his review. Letís just say he was... unamused. Yikes.  Anyone got some punch lines to spare?


HIM
I gave you everything you ever wanted!

HER
That wasn't what I wanted.


U2


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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eldave1
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 11:22am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
So...just let my girlfriend read what I had so far, and after 2 pages, she was obviously upset and tried to walk away.  After my best romantic niceness, I begged her to just finish, which she did.  I didn't have any roses or chocolate to giver her...

She's been really pissed ever since and said there's not 1 single funny anything in the script.

Well...I beg to differ.  This could be a rough OWC, and I am prepared for it.

ARGH!!!!!!


Your girlfriend's pissed?

What - lot of orphans?????


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Dreamscale
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 11:40am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

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Quoted from eldave1


Your girlfriend's pissed?

What - lot of orphans?????


She was furious, actually.  I don't get why, but I don't get chicks, either.

It could be that too many characters kept saying, "You get me?" over and over.  I don't know.

I still have a scene to write and I'm scared to read what I have, as maybe the Jager made me think it was funny...cuz she sure didn't find it amusing.



To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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Mr. Blonde
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 12:34pm Report to Moderator
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What good are choices if they're all bad?

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Quoted from Angry Bear
And for all of you who are bailing, realize that you're just getting Jeff a bigger chance to win!!!  


And nooooobody wants that... =)


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Dreamscale
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 12:42pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

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No one need fear...

THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY I COULD "WIN", but let's remember this isn't a competition, and there are no losers.  All who enter and take part in providing feedback are winners!


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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Mr. Blonde
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 12:47pm Report to Moderator
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What good are choices if they're all bad?

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Quoted from Dreamscale
No one need fear...

THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY I COULD "WIN", but let's remember this isn't a competition, and there are no losers.  All who enter and take part in providing feedback are winners!


Okay, who are you and what did you do with Jeff? Lol. =)


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hawkeye
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 2:16pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
No one need fear...

THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY I COULD "WIN", but let's remember this isn't a competition, and there are no losers.  All who enter and take part in providing feedback are winners!


Okay, first review here. Letís see what we got. No title page. Thatís a bad start. No FADE IN. An incomplete sentence right off the bat, and ending that with an ellipsis?  This needs to get better quickly if Iím gonna read on.

Whatís with the ALL CAPS starting the next line.  Horrible grammar at work here, thereís no plot, and fewer characters.

Hate to say it bro, but Iím out.


My web site and scripts can be found here:

Gary's web site
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eldave1
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 2:28pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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Quoted from hawkeye


Okay, first review here. Letís see what we got. No title page. Thatís a bad start. No FADE IN. An incomplete sentence right off the bat, and ending that with an ellipsis?  This needs to get better quickly if Iím gonna read on.

Whatís with the ALL CAPS starting the next line.  Horrible grammar at work here, thereís no plot, and fewer characters.

Hate to say it bro, but Iím out.


My favorite Jeff review of one of my OWCs:
The good news...

Peeps seem to enjoy this for some reason.

The not so good news...

The bad news...

I'm out after the first passage.  I cannot stand this smarmy style.

Obviously a pisser, with zero effort to meet the actual challenge.

I will not waste anymore time on this garbage.

Grade...

D-


I am hoping to move up to a D+





My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Dreamscale
Posted: February 1st, 2019, 2:52pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

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Sorry, Dave.

You may give mine a similar review this time around...in fact, most probably will.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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