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Good start. Well-written, very visual, dialogue is fine. I think I see where this is going, let's see.
Nope! I was imagining a "Modern Family" type Valentine's where Claire and Phil become Clive and Juliet. This is Claire and Phil become Lara Croft and Freddie Krueger. Wow. That took a weird, strange turn, especially when Jeff is introduced.
So. Most of the elements of the challenge are there, but man, a rom-com? I think not.
Ok, I can see how you think this might fit under romantic comedy,but I really think it does not. It is structured well and an exceptionally well-written piece. But it's far-fetched, the characters here do not stand out for me.
And most importantly it started as a porn and ended as American Pshyco 2. I don't know...
The thing with American Pshyco - it's a feature. So, you watch a funny guy kill people and it makes sense. His motivation - he's crazy.
But here I would like a real motivation for some reason. Why they are suddenly after each other. Just being crazy doesn't cut it. I don't know why, probably because features are different to shorts.
And then again, this one is way outside the challenge parameters, too. In my opinion at least.
In a roundabout way. This could be romantic for strange people. A strange man meets a strange woman and strangeness ensues. But is it good? I like strange. I don't think this is my kind of strange. It's early days. Maybe next week I'll love it.
Probably don’t need a super that it’s Valentine’s Day, it’s heavily implied.
I like the action writing for the most part, but the dialogue is leaving something to be desired. You’re trying to be funny, but it feels like you reigned yourself in a little, and a lot of it is just coming off as generic.
Always a writer… the guy is always a writer. As I said in another review, we’re not that interesting.
Personal pet peeve – could just be me, but “Total Eclipse of the Heart” is a fine music cue. Everyone knows that song. You’re never gonna run into someone who doesn’t… but then “Fuck the Pain Away” by Peaches? No clue, and it stops the read for me every time. Now I feel like I have to go listen to that song on youtube for the scene to really hit. I have a hard time believing that’s a commonly known song… but maybe I’m giving my musical knowledge too much credit.
I literally want her to blow Zach away to be honest…
Zach “rolls” over
Man, this is like the 3rd one of these that has gone from sex to completely absurd… something
Hey, there’s a song I know!
None of that felt earned. It’s tough to foreshadow in a 9 page script, but there was no indication – at least to me – that it was gonna culminate in a murderer love story.
Not particularly "rom," not particularly "com." I liked some of the writing though, so that’s something.
I'd list my "work" here, but I don't know how to hyperlink.
"Career" Highlights -2, count em, 2 credits on my IMDB page. -One time a fairly prominent producer e-mailed me back. -I have made more than $1000 with my writing! -I've won 2 mugs... and a thong. (polaroids of me in thong available for $10 through PM)