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The second romcom in a row which featured at least one psychopath, a gruesome bloody murder, and a horrific pop song. (Oops. I thought Heat by Beyonce was a song.) Not complaining. Just pointing it out.
Your script may feature the funniest line in the contest, so kudos for that.
Not a big fan of the dream escape.
But, at the end of the day, it’s still not nohow a romcom.
An entertaining vignette, but it seems to have missed the point of the challenge. Dream/daydream sequences have become so overused they've become a cliche. In this case, it serves the purpose of stimulating John to cater to Mary. Which he should, cause if he's half the slouch he was in the dream, Mary is definitely going to get rid of him. Which may be the basis for an unusual romcom: shape up or die.
I uh… ok. I don’t have much to say, so I guess that’s good.
She flipped on a dime.
“That was my favorite nipple!” is a beacon amongst otherwise “meh” comedic lines.
Dream explains it.
There were hints you are funny and creative, just not enough of them.
Not the worst.
I'd list my "work" here, but I don't know how to hyperlink.
"Career" Highlights -2, count em, 2 credits on my IMDB page. -One time a fairly prominent producer e-mailed me back. -I have made more than $1000 with my writing! -I've won 2 mugs... and a thong. (polaroids of me in thong available for $10 through PM)