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Cupid's Arrow by Hairy Big Balls - Short, RomCom - Dick finally meets the love of his life on a speed dating event. But will Fanny love him back? 6 pages - pdf format
Hmm, not so much me (referring to the OPs comment) which btw I hope is not the author doing a hit n run of his own. I could be wrong of course...
I tried to like this cause I like the premise of speed dating but I'm sorry to say the lines were too cornball and hackneyed for my taste. And it came off as a bit rushed with quite a few typos.
Perhaps if Dick had some genuinely complimentary and charming lines for Fanny interspersed with all the puns I might have found him more endearing and more three dimensional. Just a thought.
Btw, 'aptronym' - would Fanny even know what that means? Dick is definitely Dick by name and Dick by nature. The anal line (complete with duplicate word) just didn't land either, especially not coming from Fanny.
Promising in the beginning, I liked his clarification of the cocktail pun but if filmed I think I might be groaning more than laughing.
DICK I’m currently working on a clever idea. It’s a romantic comedy about a stupid vampire who is in love with a girl who is deathly afraid of the dark.
and the discussion from the posts
What's with the 'A True Love Story' on the right and 'Cupid’s Arrow Called Snatch' on the left of every page????
dick, fanny, sex, blowjobs blah blah blah teenage humor at is finest
At the opening - Give us a sense on where Dick is in the bar.
Quoted Text
Cupid’s Arrow Called Snatch
The above - an odd header on page 2.
The names don't land with me humor wise. May with others.
There are some extra spaces in many of the dialogue blocks.
Quoted Text
FANNY Well I like to reserve judgment. Too many players these days. I’m just here because my friend drag me along.
dragged.
I appreciate the effort - but for me, the humor didn't land. It had to be too blunt to make the puns work and as a result the dialogue seemed forced - as if it's only purpose was for the pun.
Speed dating! That's how to keep the page count down! Wish I'd thought of that.
And the premise is wasted on a pisser. Although, if this had gone full slapstick I would probably have laughed my ass off. It has potential as an SNL skit, but there's nothing romantic about this.
Blissfully short. That's my Statler and Waldorf review.
Says he's an orphan, followed by three examples of screenwriting orphans? then the mention of the vampire idea from the other thread, and the overall, well pisser'ness of it.
I don't like the crudeness of it, although one line made me smile, which then annoyed me lol But it's a pisser, so you don't care right? If I wrote this and showed it to my other half, she would be pissed at me.
Anyway, it is what it is. Well done for taking part.
This one didn't work for me. I can see the attempt at humour but very little landed. A lot of Fanny and Dick puns, which gets old pretty quick. Not for me.
Wow. I thought my pseudonym was pushing the boundaries. Well, this is clearly not a serious entry. Or maybe it is. But I suspect a pisser — it starts out of the gate but doesn’t stop. Probably a missed opportunity here because I think the dialogue would have been funnier if you left everything normal — their names, your pseudonym... all of it. Didn’t you see that this might have worked if you left all the silliness out? Oh well. It was a bit of fun anyway.
Okay, I’ve been accused of pisser-tastic scripts in the past, but this should probably be a bar with which to judge potential pissers against. Jeff, take note!!!
First off, regardless of the complaints it is kinda creative? Maybe creative? Shit, I’ve no idea, it wasn’t roflcopter funny, definitely not a romcom and it just rambles. Not for me but well done on entering.
Cam
P.S. my OWC Leprechaun Pride script was called a pisser, but I’m comparison to this it reads like Citizen Kane, can we rerun the votes please??
If the single entendres were wittier, this might have been interesting. There is no point to this story. No romance. No comedy. Actually, I think these people are afraid of the opposite sex, so they try to gross out the other side so they don't actually have to go on a date. But now, their mutual vulgarity has trapped them into a situation where they either have to face what they are or go on actual date with the other.
Man, these rom-coms are like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're going to get.
A fair amount of dialogue seems contrived just so you could squeeze in a joke - "I've never encountered a Dick before. I mean person with your name. Of course I've had it." "Likewise, you're my first Fanny. From which country does your name originate?" "I believe it's french." "Nice to meet you too. I'm Dick. " "I'm Fanny. Fanny Bush."
Here's the thing, stuff like that wears thin, quick. But humor is a subjective thing so I dunno, maybe there's a portion of the sane world out there that will laugh themselves silly over this one. This one didn't work for me. Kudos for finishing. -Andrea