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The jokes are too easy to be funny. Immature, and yet they feel like dad humor. Beyond that, there's not much to say about this one. No plot, but it's a speed date, so fuck it. It occurred to me at one point that Dick should ask more questions to learn more about Fanny, but neither character is really developed, so what does it really matter?
You really wiped out on the "anal will my my hole weak" typo. Seems like that was supposed to be some kind of show-stopper.
I've got to be honest - I laughed a lot. So many jokes. I even laughed when he entered her Fanny digits into his phone and dialed. And her phone rung and he hang up. It was kind of funny you spelled his every step out like that.
Haha "i'm an orphan" - now why do I know who wrote it. Haha, about the vampire who is in love with a girl afraid of the dark. A lot of insider jokes - but well presented. And funny.
When she said at the end "photography, anything" - he could reply "pornography".But he didn't. He should.
That scent...I know that scent. It's urine! And from the title page alone, I think we have ourselves another pisser. Let's see...
"DICK ALCOCK" - Yep, looks to be a pisser.
FANNY BUSH - HA! Thanks for including my last name in your script.
What's with "A True Love Story" on the bottom of every page? And then, "Cupid's Arrow Called Snatch" on the top of every page? Damn...that's actually quite funny..you replaced "CONTINUED" with these little phrases, didn't you? Genius..pure genius!!!!
The dialogue is terrible..great job! Pissers read better when the dialogue is so off.
Page 3 - Dialogue is great here. I'm laughing out loud!
"aptronym" - Just learned a new word. See, peeps? Pissers can be real learning tools!!!
"orphan" - Genius! Whoever you are, you've got a winner here! Love how many of the lonely little redheads you have running around here.
"Your smile has made my whole day. But anal will my my hole weak." - HA!!! Not sure if the typo is intended or not, but if I were you, I would write this out correctly (with the misspellings, of course) But anal will make my hole weak. Damn, that's actually really funny!
HA! And there's a line of dialogue taken directly from the OWC discussion page about the vampire. Funny shit, bro!
And, The End. Well, it is what it is and I bet most are going to literally hate this, but for me it's quite funny and even pretty intelligent at times. It wreaks of urine, but that's the smell you want coming off a good old fashioned pisser. It works and I appreciate it.
To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Normally I don’t mind pissers because there’s usually some nuggets of comedy gold in them. I felt like this was just a middle finger to the orphan and format police on this site. So not much to say about this except that it wasn’t for me.
Pisser or no pisser I liked the premise of speed dating. That was clever.
The humor was crude and didn’t land for me, but I appreciate the effort.
IMO - the second half wasn’t as creative as the first: the classic 'I'm a screenwriter' device, a borrowed idea about a vampire from the other thread and an insider joke about orphans felt rushed, not very imaginative.
I mean, “Hairy Big Balls” and snatch.con aren’t giving me much confidence… but I’ll look past it.
No one in their mid 20s is named “Dick.” I guess that’s a joke?
Fanny Bush… oh man, this is already too juvenile for me, I can tell.
Mother “always” says “never say never?” I guess that’s also a joke?
Does Fanny really need a line of dialogue thanking the waiter?
Speaking of orphans, you have so many action lines that carry over one word. That never looks good on the page. You could’ve easily tightened that up.
Decent number of typos. Feel like you wrote this with an hour to submit.
Oh man, don’t make the character a screenwriter…
I’m being harsh, but I don’t understand what the point of that was.
I'd list my "work" here, but I don't know how to hyperlink.
"Career" Highlights -2, count em, 2 credits on my IMDB page. -One time a fairly prominent producer e-mailed me back. -I have made more than $1000 with my writing! -I've won 2 mugs... and a thong. (polaroids of me in thong available for $10 through PM)