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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    May 2010 One Week Challenge  ›  OWC - Peacemaker
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  Author    OWC - Peacemaker  (currently 2318 views)
Don
Posted: May 17th, 2010, 5:32pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Peacemaker by Anonymous - Short, Drama - A vegan and a carnivore find common ground. - pdf, format


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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c m hall
Posted: May 17th, 2010, 6:00pm Report to Moderator
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'"Well then why even suggest pizza?"
I guess we'll never know.
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Cam17
Posted: May 17th, 2010, 6:06pm Report to Moderator
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A complete pisstake.  Wouldn't mind it so much if it actually had a laugh or something in it somewhere.  Nope.  This reads like something that was conceived and written during a three minute commercial break.  Ah well, at least it's under two pages.


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grademan
Posted: May 17th, 2010, 6:18pm Report to Moderator
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One page of two people talking about pizza with a corny super at the end. Kinda cute but not very filling.

BTW, green peppers infect the whole pizza,
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stevie
Posted: May 17th, 2010, 6:35pm Report to Moderator
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Short and sweet!  Actually, this was a good concept and could've been ok if it was longer.


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Dreamscale
Posted: May 17th, 2010, 7:49pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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WOW!  The old 1 page pisstake!  Terrible.  Not funny at all, and really not written poorly enough to be entertaining.

Lots of pissers this time around.  Now I'm pretty sure ones I wasn't sure about must be pisstakes as well...they just can't all be this bad, can they?


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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greg
Posted: May 17th, 2010, 7:52pm Report to Moderator
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Oh Hi

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Maybe if there was a non-partisan group whose goal was to unify meat eaters and vegans this could be the 1 minute video on their blog.

Otherwise this just comes off as something that was written two minutes before the deadline.


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khamanna
Posted: May 17th, 2010, 8:00pm Report to Moderator
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The punchline falls kind of flat for me. I know you intended it as a comedy but there's still has to be sufficient build up leading to your last line.
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michel
Posted: May 18th, 2010, 2:31am Report to Moderator
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All you need is love.... da da da da da.....
What else to say about this lazy one-pager?

Michel


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Trojan
Posted: May 18th, 2010, 9:17am Report to Moderator
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Probably the worst of all the entries so far IMO. At least some of the other ones that didn't take it seriously were funny, this just wasn't. What was the point?
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pwhitcroft
Posted: May 18th, 2010, 5:48pm Report to Moderator
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The premise has got potential. You didnít really take it any further than that.


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Coding Herman
Posted: May 19th, 2010, 7:56pm Report to Moderator
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I don't get the joke here, or is there even supposed to be one? Sorry, another pointless script.


FEATURE:

Memwipe
- Sci-Fi, Action, Thriller (114 pages) - In a world where memories can be erased by request, a Memory Erasing Specialist desperately searches for the culprit when his wife becomes a target for erasure -- with his former colleagues hot on his trail.
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TheRichcraft
Posted: May 19th, 2010, 11:58pm Report to Moderator
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A vegan smoking.  I've probably seen it happen thousands of times in real life.  But it's just weird that someone who respects the lives of animals can be so self-destructive with theirs.

Maybe that's the irony of this script.  We humans are just creatures of habit in our wanting certain pizzas and cigarettes.

The script may have been funnier if the couple argued over filters or tar content.
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Grandma Bear
Posted: May 20th, 2010, 2:21pm Report to Moderator
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Well, at least it was just 1 page. I would've got mad if I had to read 15 pages.  


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Blakkwolfe
Posted: May 20th, 2010, 4:00pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from grademan
Green peppers infect the whole pizza,


Truth.



Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
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