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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    The 2019 Writers' Tournament  ›  Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind - WT5 Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind - WT5  (currently 1250 views)
Don
Posted: July 2nd, 2019, 7:32pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind by Richard Doofus - When their construction truck breaks down, two workers pass the time by playing with their tools. - Short, Sci Fi


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Zack
Posted: July 2nd, 2019, 8:33pm Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Short, cute story. Well written. Meets the criteria.

Good work. I like it.


An example of my writing...

FOR SATAN - short, horror, 14 pgs (revised draft) - A group of thrill-seekers explore a creepy old house on Halloween night. Think you know this story? Think again.
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LC
Posted: July 2nd, 2019, 8:58pm Report to Moderator
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Well, you get points for getting an entry in - literally as well as figuratively.

And, it's short and sweet.

I wondered if someone might use the object as musical instrument.

The story itself doesn't quite hit the mark for me, but with a few tweaks, maybe...
I just anticipated a bit more with the logline but good effort all the same.


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Warren
Posted: July 3rd, 2019, 12:28am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

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Hi writer,


Quoted Text
Californian Mojave Desert


If it's important to the story put it in a SUPER.

So not a whole lot to this, it okay for what it is, funny ending. Not really a story just a one trick pony. I'm sure you know that as it's a page and a half long.

So the broken down car isnít a location at any point. Itís in a location. I'm happy if people arenít in a car the entire time just like any other location in this tourney, but considering that is part of the criteria I donít feel it has been met. Others may be more lenient.

Good use of the saw and its definitely sci-fi.

All the best.


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PrussianMosby
Posted: July 3rd, 2019, 4:28am Report to Moderator
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CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE NERD KIND

Okay, you've chosen to walk with a little skit here. AnnnnnddÖ it works as I see it. Using the saw as an instrument hasn't crossed my mind, however it's possible. Surely, this isn't overly exciting but I could definitely imagine it as a little piece for commercials. Good choice to go simple I think. Criteria's well met.



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Matthew Taylor
Posted: July 3rd, 2019, 7:20am Report to Moderator
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Hello writer

A page and a half - THANKYOU

More like a joke than a story, a joke that may be lost on me - I've never ordered an Uber, does it have to be done with music? probably not - with the app I guess. Maybe Uber can use this for one of their adverts.

Well done for completing the tournament


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Fais85
Posted: July 3rd, 2019, 9:40am Report to Moderator
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Short and cute. Innovative use of handsaw. However, as a location, I am not sure if this fits in the criteria or not. But I liked this one.
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jayrex
Posted: July 3rd, 2019, 12:01pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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Itís okay.  I think you started with the ending and worked backwards.  It meets the criteria.  Short & sweet.


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: July 3rd, 2019, 6:29pm Report to Moderator
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Short, cute and more of a joke than a real story to it... but I liked it for what it was.

Decent effort.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Gary in Houston
Posted: July 4th, 2019, 8:37am Report to Moderator
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Hey, it's a real short short!!!  My deepest appreciation to you for saving my eyeballs from the extra read!

We have a broken down truck -- they're actually sitting on the truck so bonus points for having them on or in the vehicle.  You used the saw in a way I wasn't anticipating, so good there, and you have space ships.  So criteria met.

Look, it's not Aaron Sorkin, but it's fun and quick and harmless.  And a nice call out to Close Encounters of the Third Kind, both in the title and the calling of the space ships.  

Best of luck, and congrats on finishing the Challenge!
Gary


An utterly mediocre writer who somehow still falls bass ackwards into getting some of his scripts produced.
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Matthew Taylor
Posted: July 4th, 2019, 9:39am Report to Moderator
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Ooooo silly me lol

I've never seen close encounters of the third kind - I get this now lol talk about a late penny drop.


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eldave1
Posted: July 4th, 2019, 11:03am Report to Moderator
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Meets the parameter - liked the way you used the saw.

Well written enough - but not a lot of there - there for me. As soon is the ship appeared, you knew where it was going based on your title.

Good effort for three days


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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PKCardinal
Posted: July 4th, 2019, 12:16pm Report to Moderator
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I liked it.

They're sitting on the truck bed, so, I definitely think parameters are met.

Sure, it's silly, but it made me laugh, so that's a win in my book.

Well done.

(Logline fits the tone of the piece. Must admit, wasn't looking forward to reading about two guys playing with their "tools.")


PaulKWrites.com

60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature
The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature
Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature

Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
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Spqr
Posted: July 4th, 2019, 3:13pm Report to Moderator
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Short but entertaining. And the saw was actually used to accomplish something, not just used as a prop. The saw music calling down a space uber was funny, but I wouldíve thought the irritating sound wouldíve drawn a space cop instead.
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JEStaats
Posted: July 5th, 2019, 12:53pm Report to Moderator
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No sh*t, there I was....

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I'm so disappointed! I loved it all the way to the final line and then...blah. I was hoping for so much more.

Very creative and well written for just three pages. Challenge met. Good characters.

Please rework the ending. This could be really cool, funny, action packed, horrific....
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