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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Hallow Knights Moderators: bert
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  Author    Hallow Knights  (currently 8613 views)
Posted: August 17th, 2008, 9:33am Report to Moderator

Newcastle, England
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Hey Tim

Just finished this and wanted to give my immediate reaction. Haven't read any feedback so sorry if any repeats.

First off, really liked it and it was a really quick read. Nice take on the whole double life of a superhero and the sacrifices he has to make.

All the characters are really well developed but I couldn't really work out who to root for.

The widower is probably the most interesting character and the one that has the most inner-conflict. I saw some similarities between him and Brandon Lee's 'The Crow'. Not similarities in a been-done-before but just in his just fight for justice at any costs. Would be interesting to see how this would change if you had him as your main protagonist.

The character I'd have liked to know a little more about was Leonard. I didn't really get him -- why he was looking after the alley? Sure he gets free booze but I don't think you justified why he didn't squeel and get the reward money.

The one thing I thought could work better was The Widower's last line. He wants to die deep down right, be with his wife again. So when Citadel says I'm sorry, why not have him just say 'Thank You' instead of I know. That way you don't know if he's thanking him for his apology or for letting him fall to his death. Just sounds good in my head anyway.

I'll probably post another review later on, cos I think I'll read it again in a few days. Like I said, I'm trying to learn pacing and structure for my own feature.


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