Wow, congrats to both the writers of these. Hard to choose, love both of them. A. is terrific, really well written. Just for sheer originality and images though, am going to give my vote to B.

B has got the sizzle.
A has got the steak.

But neither have bourbon.
Which goes great with steak.

E.D.

A seems very original to me and makes me think!
I'm in two minds about B.
I liked the hitman and like Sandra says it's cool that he's a positive character and friends with the girl but I don't understand all of the story.
I'm wondering if the girl has special powers; what her conversation with Ash means - as it seems like she understands that he sees stuff (sees the birds herself?); and why her Dad leaves her with Ash (seems like Ash needs her to be there).

Lol.  I understand it's a really strange coincidence all of us were sick and laid up at pretty much the same time, but I can't believe that we all watched the same documentary the other night about Pope Alexander the VI and how him and his family and daughter (Lucrezia)'s favorite way of killing people was by jabbing them with a spiked ring full of cyanide.  (Really?  In both stories.)  That's kind of awesome, really.

I chose A in this one, because B has a typo.  (Call her Nicah in one of the dialogue slugs).

Okay, that's not really my reason for choosing it.  My main reason for not choosing B was because I really don't understand Arthur's need for needing Ash to babysit his daughter.  I understand it was a tough logline, but that situation should've made a little more sense.

B did do a better job at portraying schizophrenia as a mysterious illness (probably more mysterious then we'll all ever know, hopefully not), but I think A still did do an acceptable job of showing that there wasn't something quite right with Walt.

I also think A was a less obtrusive read.  I found myself having to go back a couple times while reading B.  A read more clear and the story got itself across a little bit better.  While there's nothing wrong with trying to be complex in B, for this constraint (5 pages), the ending came off as a little too ambiguous for me.  But I think B could definately be something great in a bigger context, (maybe in somebody like David Lynch's or another surrealist's hands.)

Getting close to the time to name names...Any last minute votes or guesses?

What happened to Ray?

I guess that no one wants to guess, so I'll just tell you who wrote what.    One of the scripts was written by Ryan and the other was written by Jeff.   There you go...

Quoted from mcornetto I guess that no one wants to guess, so I'll just tell you who wrote what.    One of the scripts was written by Ryan and the other was written by Jeff.   There you go...

I have a hard time believing that either of these guys would have had the errors of B. Not that they were big or bad or anything. Just that I can't see them happening unless they were just worn out.

Sandra

Sandra,  They were written in a couple of days.  If you aren't used to doing that then you're going to make errors.

Ok. Here's the real announcement.  

A - Ryan
B - Jeff

Ryan is still the undefeated champion.  Jeff put up a good fight but didn't quite pull the votes needed to win.  

Who's up next against our unbeatable penslinger?  

You're up Michael. Just have Sandra pick a log. That's a good match if you have time.

I read these yesterday but couldn't decide on one and forgot to vote until now.  Neither one of these really stuck out much to me to be honest.  I thought A was routine and thought B was bland but I was leaning toward A, so my vote wouldn't have changed much.  

Congrats to the undefeated Champ, Ryan!  Fun challenge.  Thanks to Cornie for keeping this going.

Sandra, the only error in my script was a typo that Mark correctly pointed out.

Ash spoke fluent Russian...how do you think he could communicate with someone speaking only in Russian?  When he spoke to Micah, he spoke in English.

The full Slug was necessary as time had passed...it wasn't a matter of him walking into a different area, as he did when I intro'd the 2 Russians.

As I always say, people need to read scripts exactly as they are written.  If there are mistakes, then so be it, but if not, you need to understand that what's written, is what's supposed to be.

My only question is where in the world did Tommy P come from, why did he show up and vote, not leave any feedback, and then disappear again?  Very, VERY strange...

I'd also like to thank my friend, Khamanna for dong all she could to diss my script and steer peeps away from it.

Meh, got too late to the party to vote. Probably would have leaned towards Ryan's anyways. It was a simpler story, that had a good effect.

Neither of you seemed to mention the advertising agent or adoption from what i can remember.

I wanted to see you guys try to force all of that info into the script. would've been clunky as hell.

Jeff, didn't really feel Ash's change of heart. From seeing Eagles to seeing doves? It just kind of happened. Good visuals, but that was the overall let down for me. Wanted a more substantial reason as to why.

Anyways, good writing on both parts. It was a close one.

James

Tough challenge with a brutal logline.  Jeff is a worthy adversary.  Could not think of a single thing to write until Friday afternoon.  I wasn't all that pleased with the story, but there you go.

Anyway, I am hereby bequeathing my title to whoever wins the next showdown.  I'm out, at least for awhile.  Have to concentrate on finishing a feature.

So we need two new freaks to jump in the pit.

So then a nice round of applause for Ryan.  Certainly difficult to come up with that many stories in quick succession and he did a great job too.  


But it looks like we need two new contestants.  Who is up for it?  PM me.