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Yeah, I haven't looked at this for a few months, so might check it out and see how it reads after a break.
Ok, so the opening? The zombies just appear? Well, I didn't want to create a backstory about the origins of the zombies- I just wanted it to happen, bang and we're off. I did mean to have one of the gangsters allude to the old town being haunted or something - I can put that in in future.
Not sure if you read all the other comments but I had to insert Ray into a lot of the scenes from the original script. It was a real hassle, a cut and paste type of revision. So I probably slumped a bit and was trying to wrap it up (re-writes aren't really my friends...)
Anyway Kev, I'll re-read HL over the weekend and write some more here when I'm on the computer and not the iPod!
Stevie, you old, Aussie goat, you know that I much preferred the Rayless, zombieless original of this script.
You had so many funny action packed scenes that played out...well, really funny. You had a slew of funny character saying and doing ridiculous things and it played out...well, really funny.
It's good to see and hear that others enjoy your new zombified version, but for me, Mate, I'd go back to the original and give it a strong rewrite and see if you can market it as a zany, low budget road trip comedy.
The odd thing is, Stevie, I don't enjoy reading comedy. I mean, even great comedy films are probably boring in script. But I actually laughed a lot, especially the early zombie scenes.
What I honestly suggest is a complete rewrite from scratch on this. That way you'll lose the cut and paste aspect. I think the concept is a real killer in terms of marketability.
When zombies crawl out of a cemetery, that's one thing. But a barn? I think at some point it needs an explanation. But that's me.
I know a rewrite from scratch is daunting, but when you think about it, you should be able to churn it out because you have most of your characters and scenes already well developed in your head.
Um, yeah, not sure what to do with it. Had planned to enter it in a few comps earlier this year, but our family budget blew up, sending that idea arse up.
I'll give it another read, see how it looks...
Jeff, not sure how 'low budget' it would be with truck and chopper crashes!
By "low budget" I mean under $5 Million. Easily under $5 Million here, and you know that explosions or wrecks of this kind do not have to be seen onscreen in their completion.
Two young Aussie brothers pal across the American west in an RV with a strange hitchhiker who has two secrets the hapless pair is slow to discover: he carries a fortune in stolen jewels; and he is a zombie.
Our friend Stevie is getting ready to send this script out into the world to see if it can find a life of its own. Like any proud parent, he's hurrying to make sure his baby's ready for life on the outside. He'd like any suggestions on log or pitch lines. That's my lame attempt above.
Ok, so the opening? The zombies just appear? Well, I didn't want to create a backstory about the origins of the zombies- I just wanted it to happen, bang and we're off. Cheers mate. stevie
Kevin wants a history of zombies!!!!! I'm not surprised!
Well, they just kind of popped into the bad guy exchange in the middle of a barn. No explanation ever given. I'm a fan of large chunks of this story, especially the chemistry between the Aussies and the zombie. I just think the zombies need to be explained a little. Maybe. I don't know.\
BTW, the karaoke scene is more and more funny when you think about it. This zombie goes all these scenes and can't talk a syllable. Then all of a sudden he's belting out songs on stage! That could be really funny in film.
I don't understand how Ray, who can barely speak, can do flawless karaoke. Kevin
It's known that people who stutter can sing wonderfully. There was a famous folk singer, (can't remember his name now) and yes, he was like that. Could be the same sort of thing.
yo Kev! Mate, thanks for all the support and tips. I sent my baby out last night. I came up with a pretty good log, though yours was pretty cool too!
Cornie made a suggestion too which was close to mine. I went through the script with a tooth comb, there are no errors at all! Cut as much as I could without sacrificing the spontaneity.
it reads quick so heres hoping someone like sandra is on the reading panel at the LA comedy festival!! Now i just have to wait till march next year to see how it went.
Yeah, as indicated above, I totally changed my mind on the zombie singing. Comedy is about contrasts. Just like Costello needed Abbott, Lewis needed Martin. When the silent zombie gets on stage, the audience will be already surprised and expecting some kind of zombie groaning. So they'll be shocked when his karaoke is flawless. Stevie had this right, I was wrong on that one.
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