SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is October 24th, 2020, 9:21am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
The October 2020 OWC submissions are closed. Stand by when the scripts are posted on or about 10/24/20 at Midnight edt. In the meantime why not check out some TZ episodes.

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Headlong (7WC) Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Headlong (7WC)  (currently 12090 views)
stevie
Posted: June 9th, 2011, 9:49pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Down Under
Posts
3412
Posts Per Day
0.78
Hi Kev.

Thanks for the read and comments!

Yeah, I haven't looked at this for a few months, so might check it out and see how it reads after a break.

Ok, so the opening? The zombies just appear? Well, I didn't want to create a backstory about the origins of the zombies- I just wanted it to happen, bang and we're off. I did mean to have one of the gangsters allude to the old town being haunted or something - I can put that in in future.

Not sure if you read all the other comments but I had to insert Ray into a lot of the scenes from the original script. It was a real hassle, a cut and paste type of revision. So I probably slumped a bit and was trying to wrap it up (re-writes aren't really my friends...)

Anyway Kev, I'll re-read HL over the weekend and write some more here when I'm on the computer and not the iPod!

Cheers mate.   stevie



Logged
Private Message Reply: 90 - 123
Dreamscale
Posted: June 9th, 2011, 10:02pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

Location
Cave Creek, AZ
Posts
11402
Posts Per Day
2.42
Stevie, you old, Aussie goat, you know that I much preferred the Rayless, zombieless original of this script.

You had so many funny action packed scenes that played out...well, really funny.  You had a slew of funny character saying and doing ridiculous things and it played out...well, really funny.

It's good to see and hear that others enjoy your new zombified version, but for me, Mate, I'd go back to the original and give it a strong rewrite and see if you can market it as a zany, low budget road trip comedy.

Where's Custer sitting these days?


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 91 - 123
leitskev
Posted: June 9th, 2011, 10:31pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
3098
Posts Per Day
0.85
The odd thing is, Stevie, I don't enjoy reading comedy. I mean, even great comedy films are probably boring in script. But I actually laughed a lot, especially the early zombie scenes.

What I honestly suggest is a complete rewrite from scratch on this. That way you'll lose the cut and paste aspect. I think the concept is a real killer in terms of marketability.

When zombies crawl out of a cemetery, that's one thing. But a barn? I think at some point it needs an explanation. But that's me.

I know a rewrite from scratch is daunting, but when you think about it, you should be able to churn it out because you have most of your characters and scenes already well developed in your head.

Revision History (1 edits)
leitskev  -  November 1st, 2011, 11:06pm
Logged
Private Message Reply: 92 - 123
Dreamscale
Posted: June 9th, 2011, 10:37pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

Location
Cave Creek, AZ
Posts
11402
Posts Per Day
2.42
These are the very rare "barn zombies"...they may not be that deadly, but they can sure hang with the best in karaoke.





To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 93 - 123
leitskev
Posted: June 9th, 2011, 10:45pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
3098
Posts Per Day
0.85
He should have requested Grateful Dead for Karaoke.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 94 - 123
Dreamscale
Posted: June 9th, 2011, 10:48pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

Location
Cave Creek, AZ
Posts
11402
Posts Per Day
2.42
YES!  That would be quite funny.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 95 - 123
stevie
Posted: June 9th, 2011, 11:41pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Down Under
Posts
3412
Posts Per Day
0.78
Thanks for the inputs dudes!

Um, yeah, not sure what to do with it. Had planned to enter it in a few comps earlier this year, but our family budget blew up, sending that idea arse up.

I'll give it another read, see how it looks...

Jeff, not sure how 'low budget' it would be with truck and chopper crashes!



Logged
Private Message Reply: 96 - 123
Dreamscale
Posted: June 9th, 2011, 11:47pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

Location
Cave Creek, AZ
Posts
11402
Posts Per Day
2.42
By "low budget" I mean under $5 Million.  Easily under $5 Million here, and you know that explosions or wrecks of this kind do not have to be seen onscreen in their completion.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 97 - 123
leitskev
Posted: November 1st, 2011, 10:52pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
3098
Posts Per Day
0.85
Two young Aussie brothers pal across the American west in an RV with a strange hitchhiker who has two secrets the hapless pair is slow to discover: he carries a fortune in stolen jewels; and he is a zombie.

Our friend Stevie is getting ready to send this script out into the world to see if it can find a life of its own. Like any proud parent, he's hurrying to make sure his baby's ready for life on the outside. He'd like any suggestions on log or pitch lines. That's my lame attempt above.

Come on guys, help an Aussie brother out!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 98 - 123
Sandra Elstree.
Posted: November 1st, 2011, 11:00pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

Location
Bowden, Alberta
Posts
3667
Posts Per Day
0.76

Quoted from stevie
Hi Kev.

Ok, so the opening? The zombies just appear? Well, I didn't want to create a backstory about the origins of the zombies- I just wanted it to happen, bang and we're off.
Cheers mate.   stevie


Kevin wants a history of zombies!!!!!   I'm not surprised!  

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 99 - 123
leitskev
Posted: November 1st, 2011, 11:04pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
3098
Posts Per Day
0.85
Well, they just kind of popped into the bad guy exchange in the middle of a barn. No explanation ever given. I'm a fan of large chunks of this story, especially the chemistry between the Aussies and the zombie. I just think the zombies need to be explained a little. Maybe. I don't know.\

Like the log idea, Sandra?
Logged
Private Message Reply: 100 - 123
leitskev
Posted: November 1st, 2011, 11:08pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
3098
Posts Per Day
0.85
BTW, the karaoke scene is more and more funny when you think about it. This zombie goes all these scenes and can't talk a syllable. Then all of a sudden he's belting out songs on stage! That could be really funny in film.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 101 - 123
Sandra Elstree.
Posted: November 1st, 2011, 11:14pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

Location
Bowden, Alberta
Posts
3667
Posts Per Day
0.76

Hi Kevin! They need a wave function on this sucker. I'm waving!  

I missed it. Log idea? Couldn't find it in your post. On this:


Quoted from leitskev

I don't understand how Ray, who can barely speak, can do flawless karaoke.
Kevin


It's known that people who stutter can sing wonderfully. There was a famous folk singer, (can't remember his name now) and yes, he was like that. Could be the same sort of thing.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 102 - 123
stevie
Posted: November 1st, 2011, 11:17pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Down Under
Posts
3412
Posts Per Day
0.78
yo Kev! Mate, thanks for all the support and tips. I sent my baby out last night. I came up with a pretty good log, though yours was pretty cool too!

Cornie made a suggestion too which was close to mine. I went through the script with a tooth comb, there are no errors at all!  Cut as much as I could without sacrificing the spontaneity.

it reads quick so heres hoping someone like sandra is on the reading panel at the LA comedy festival!!   Now i just have to wait till march next year to see how it went.

Its time to get back to my Custer project!!

Cheers all!!



Logged
Private Message Reply: 103 - 123
leitskev
Posted: November 1st, 2011, 11:23pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Posts
3098
Posts Per Day
0.85
Yeah, as indicated above, I totally changed my mind on the zombie singing. Comedy is about contrasts. Just like Costello needed Abbott, Lewis needed Martin. When the silent zombie gets on stage, the audience will be already surprised and expecting some kind of zombie groaning. So they'll be shocked when his karaoke is flawless. Stevie had this right, I was wrong on that one.

Still not sure about the barn zombies, but hey.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 104 - 123
 Pages: « 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006