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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Clone Wife Moderators: bert
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  Author    Clone Wife  (currently 20290 views)
dbailey
Posted: January 31st, 2012, 2:39pm Report to Moderator
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Hi,

I gave this one a read.  The script reads  well, and is a great premise.  I agree with some of what has already been said, however.  I didn't really get a feeling of Travis and Renee being together in the first ten pages so I wasn't really invested in whether they got back together or not.  I get that you were trying to be sparse and keep the plot moving, but I felt I needed more of a connection to care about Rene.  After all, we should be rooting for them to get back together, right?

I also admit to not having gotten the fact that when Clone Wife listened in on Travis and Stig, she thought she was hearing a confession of infidelity.  But after your explanation and a reread, I see exactly where you were going with that.

Another poster also brought up another thing that I missed: I didn't get how Travis came to his (false) revelation?  He goes out, has a good time with his new wife, then because he gets caught by his original wife he decides that he didn't have such a good time after all?

That said, I think that even though this wasn't a laugh out loud funny script, there were some great lines in here:

TRAVIS
Iím really close to a big
breakthrough in my work, I donít
have time for wisdom.

BACK OF PHOTO
[ ] Please check this box if you want to save our marriage.

ASTRID
There is no scrod.
57.
TRAVIS
I agree, scrodís a myth.

STIG
I could say, no.
GUY
Are you saying, no?
STIG
No.

Obviously you don't need me to tell you that you're a good writer with a pretty good script on his hands, so I wish you luck!

:Duan
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Electric Dreamer
Posted: February 1st, 2012, 11:12am Report to Moderator
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Much thanks to all for the recent reads.

My apologies for not responding to comments sooner.
In truth, I've been turning a blind eye to this script in recent weeks.

It was a real slog to pull this one out of the muck of previous drafts.
And it's so different than what I'm working on right now, I needed to put it out of mind.

That being said, I will revisit the script this spring.
The two features I'm working right now are very commercial.
Everything I do is prefaced with, "getting past that industry reader" philosophy.

It's an eye opener looking back at my original features after that experience.

So Clone Wife will likely see more big narrative shifts in the next stage.
And all your comments help shape that next evolution of the tale.

Regards,
E.D.


LATEST NEWS

CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
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Steex
Posted: December 28th, 2012, 5:22am Report to Moderator
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Saw your review on ScriptShadow.
Shit yeah, Brett!

Can't wait to see what comes of this.
Good luck, man!


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Electric Dreamer
Posted: December 28th, 2012, 11:54am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Steex
Saw your review on ScriptShadow.
Shit yeah, Brett!

Can't wait to see what comes of this.
Good luck, man!


Hey Steex,

Thanks for the kind words.
We'll see what happens from here.

As to the review...
I can take criticisms leveled at my work.
But saying that I fabricated the positive feedback to get the read stunk.
You can call my script junk. But...
I'd appreciate the personal slander being left out of it though.
Oh well.

For whatever reason, Carson chose NOT to link my script with the review.
So, I sent a note into Don with the new draft to update the script thread.

Thanks for the kind words.
You've all been great in putting up with me.
I'm very lucky to have been accepted here on Simply Scripts.

Think I'm going to crawl into a hole until next year.

Regards,
Brett


LATEST NEWS

CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
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Dreamscale
Posted: December 28th, 2012, 12:12pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Hey Brett, I read Carson's feedback.  Sorry it didn't go as planned.

I'll tell you something I'm sure you already know, but it is true and may help if you take it to heart.

It's one opinion.  Carson isn't any different than alot of us.  People may think he is, but he's not.  He has an opinion just like everyone else does.

I didn't think he was slandering you in any way.  His comment  was simply that he didn't personally know the peeps who wrote in, recommending your script.  I wouldn't let that get you down.

I'm not a big Carson Reeves guy, but I did notice that he didn't really go into too many details on your script, yet still gave it a rather negative final grade.  My take is that he expected or hoped for more, based on the title, the logline, and the strong writing.

I haven't read this last draft, so I can't comment, but I did have to agree with a few of the things he said that I remembered from way back.

Hey, you know what they say, brother - every time a door closes, another one opens up.

All you can do is soldier on and keep the faith, never say die, and continue to move forward.

I know this really sucks when you're all fired up for good news and then get crap like this.  Always try to look at the positives and keep that chin up.



To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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leitskev
Posted: December 28th, 2012, 12:23pm Report to Moderator
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Jeff raises a really good point(hey, it happens!).

There are probably only a handful of people who review amateur scripts for Carson. And it's probably from the same pool of people. With your script, he saw some new names. These were likely people from here, but it must have stood out a little at first.

I think in the end he decided the script was good enough that those recommends from people he had never seen before were legit.
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Grandma Bear
Posted: December 28th, 2012, 12:36pm Report to Moderator
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I'm reposting this from the other thread because I totally disagree with Jeff!

Carson is not just another reader/reviewer. He has the clout to get studios to read scripts.

"Since we and so many other writers and industry professionals put so much weight on his IMPRESSIVE and GENIUS rated scripts, we must also respect his comments when a script gets a WASN'T FOR ME. No? I mean everyone likes different stories/genre/style whatever, but I don't agree with the attitude that Carson's review was "just one person's view". Carson is not just another reader. We have already established that..."


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leitskev
Posted: December 28th, 2012, 12:58pm Report to Moderator
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I don't always agree with Carson's reviews, many times I have commented on his blog that I see things different. But there are 2 big reasons to respect his opinion:

1) as Pia said, his opinion has weight. Any "impressive" by him is going to get studio attention.
and
2) he's read and reviewed a lot of spec scripts over the years. And he's also read comments by others on his blogs. So he has a pretty good sense of what works.

It's not perfect. But that review he gave today was more detailed than what you usually see on SS. You seldom if ever see that level of comment on story here. We see a lot on technical stuff, but seldom that much on story.
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Dreamscale
Posted: December 28th, 2012, 1:01pm Report to Moderator
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And I totally disagree with Pia's comments.

To think that literally anyone is the end all authority of what's good, what's not, and why, is a bit ludicrous.

If that were indeed the case, every script that gets greenlit would be fantastic and a surefire hit with both critics and fans alike.  That's so far from reality, it's downright funny.

Most movies are not good.  In fact, most suck bigtime.  They're filled with such obvious amateur hour mistakes and plot holes that again, it strikes me as very humorous.

Hey, listen, I'm not saying Carson is an idiot or a nobody, but his opinion is definitely exactly that - an opinion.  We all know countless success stories, not only in the screenwriting/film making industry, but all forms of entertainment where someone has been repeatedly shot down, only to persevere and prove all the naysayers wrong.

Of course, we'd all like that anyone and everyone loves our work, but that just doesn't happen.  It's the way of the world, and in fact, a very hood thing because there are always other ways to go and other gate keepers to get past...you just have to find that one way in.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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Dreamscale
Posted: December 28th, 2012, 1:05pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from leitskev
It's not perfect. But that review he gave today was more detailed than what you usually see on SS. You seldom if ever see that level of comment on story here. We see a lot on technical stuff, but seldom that much on story.


And, I have to disagree with this as well.

IMO, his review was not at all detailed.  I see countless feedback here on SS that goes so much deeper than this.  In fact, I even commented on how non detailed I found his feedback to be.



To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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leitskev
Posted: December 28th, 2012, 1:15pm Report to Moderator
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The details I see at SS tend to focus on technical things like writing and format, with perhaps a little thrown in about story.

Carson's review goes into great detail about Clone Wife. Not only about problems, but about possible solutions. Very valuable. Worth its weight in gold when you can get feedback like that, even if you don't agree with all of it.
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Dreamscale
Posted: December 28th, 2012, 1:25pm Report to Moderator
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I'm not here to argue about anything, just throwing out my feelings and trying to cheer Brett up a bit, at the same time.

Again, there was absolutely nothing in Carson's review that I see as even being worth its weight in tin, let alone gold.  In fact, whether or not I came right out and said these things in my posted feedback here or personal feedback to Brett directly, as I said, I agree with much of what was said, even though the draft I rad was awhile ago.

Kev, help me out and tell me just a few of these nuggets that you feel are so impressive in his feedback.  And, I honestly mean this and hope you oblige.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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Electric Dreamer
Posted: December 28th, 2012, 1:39pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Guys,

Thanks for starting a lively discussion.
It's truly appreciated.
And when I'm in a better frame of mind, I'm sure I'll contribute.
But anything I say right now would likely be a tad... emotion based.

But what I do want to say right now is...
Thanks to all Simply Scripts contributors.
To Don and all the mods for keeping us lot honest.

I wouldn't be WASN'T FOR ME on Scriptshadow without all your tireless support.

And once again, Don is there in a flash to lend a hand...
The draft of Clone Wife I submitted is now available here on the thread.

I hope it helps fuel the back and forth.
Thanks to all for making feel like getting this far was ever possible.

Warmest Regards,
Brett


LATEST NEWS

CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.

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Electric Dreamer  -  December 28th, 2012, 4:01pm
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Grandma Bear
Posted: December 28th, 2012, 2:04pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale

To think that literally anyone is the end all authority of what's good, what's not, and why, is a bit ludicrous.

Where did I say he's the end all authority?

As usual, you completely miss my point. If you honestly think that someone who lived in L.A. over ten years trying to make it as a screenwriter, has read thousands and thousands of screenplays, a lot of them for studios, has lots of contacts and can get your script read by a studio, is no different than you and me reading a script then I think that's ludicrous.

And about what Kevin said, can you honestly not SEE the valuable comments? He clearly points our what doesn't work and why. Then offers suggestions on how to make the script better.


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bert
Posted: December 28th, 2012, 2:07pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Electric Dreamer
And when I'm in a better frame of mind, I'm sure I'll contribute.
But anything I say right now would likely be a tad... emotion based.


That is wise.  SIt on it for a day or two.  Carson may even be popping in to look at these conversations as well.  Just sayin'.

Actually, there is quite a bit there that is remarkably positive about your writing, Brett -- though I am sure you are focusing only on the negatives at this point.  Can't be helped.

You are already well ahead of the curve.  Don't forget that.  I don't even see where this is a set-back, really.  Just one more pit-stop on the journey.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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