cheers james, i will post it if i ever finish it.  i'll give your other screenplay a read when i get chance and let you know what i thought.

James, this is my first post here (ever) and this is the first script that I have read while on here. I don’t have any experience as a screenwriter and I am only a little familiar with the technique/format. However, I am presently in the process of learning...

So, even though I may not be the best person to review your script from a technical P.O.V, I do adore the horror genre and like most people (I hope), I can form an opinion and tell you if I like something or not, and then follow that with some reasons. So, here is my review for this script.

Overall Grade: 7 (out of 10)

I like to start with the good stuff and then move onto the stuff that you can improve.

Highlights: Well written, overall good use of grammar, interesting writing style, nice character voices and personalities...

My biggest criticism of this work is that there is no main character(s), which is essential to a work. I think a few of your characters have the potential to become the protagonists of that work so you basically just need to go back and decide which one. I think someone mentioned Lucy; she’d be perfect.  At the beginning it seems that Spence could be the protagonist but you kill him off so someone else has to stand out AT THE BEGINNING of the story.  Right now, most of them blend in together. Spence stands out because he is the voice of disagreement amongst the rest.  Give Lucy more lines at the beginning. Make her voice louder than the rest.  You’d also have to go back and add more dimensions to her. Make her relatable and give the audience a reason to care for her. Share more of her experiences with the audience.

If you don't choose Lucy, then go with ED. But, please change his name! That was the only part of this that made me cringe. The whole "Ed Gein" thing is too clichéd... With a name change and maybe a better opening scene (showcasing ED), this script would be greatly improved.

Other stuff: There are a few (very few, really) spelling mistakes, ie. instead of now, you have know in a place (or vice versa). Also, you have a few grammatical problems, like writing something like “He eat pizza” instead of “He eats pizza” with the “s” on the verb….I think I saw that type of error twice. Besides that, it’s pretty solid.

Dialogue: Good. I laughed during a lot of the bantering among the characters in the earlier scenes; I found their conversations to be very realistic.

Overall, I enjoyed this script a lot. I stayed up late and was exhausted, about to pass out really, and then I read this and it woke me right up. I guess, that’s a compliment, right? Good luck on your revisions. I’m sure your final draft will be splendid!

Hey DDP. Thanks for the review.

A couple people commented on the lack of a main character when I first posted this. I decided to go with Lucy in the revisions, which was my intention from the getgo. Spence wasn't at any point supposed to be the main character. He's the leader of the group when he's around but at no point is he a protagonist. I tried to beef up on Lucy's dialogue and screentime a while back and thought it did the trick. If not, what can I say? This is only my second attempt at writing a screenplay. I may come back to this at some point but as of now, this is yesterday's pizza. It's not like I've abandoned the thing, I care about all my work, but I've got other wheels turn in and outside the screenwriting world right now that I need to deal with before taking a step back.

Thanks again for the review. Sorry for the delayed response. I figured the least I could do was say thanks, seeing as you stayed up late reading this thing. Very cool of you. Let me know if/when you've got something to read so I can return the favor.

pretty good twist when Ed was one of them also, I dod not expect that. Great story by the way. Nice format in my opinion.

You read one of my scripts so I thought i would return the favor a read another one of yours.

You writing and format is perfect. The action is very tight and visual. You write good action.

Reading this script I kept thinking about other slasher movies. ED remind me of that clown dude who runs a gas station (can't remember) in that movie Rob Zombie made (House of a thousand corpses- I think, not sure.) and the saddistic torture scene in you script made me think of Wolf Creek.

Your script is just a echo of other slasher movies and does not seem to have its own voice. But keep in mind there is a huge glut in slasher movies at the cinemas right now to the point where they are all becoming a blur.

For example my wife watched the new Texas chainsaw movie last night and half way through it she complained she had already seen it. But in truth because the sequel just copy the formula of the first it is just a rehash.

I really, really enjoy reading your stuff but I just wish once you would step outside the horror formula and do something diffrent and more challenging. I want to see how far you can stretch your writing skills.

Also I agree that your script is very smart and you don't realize on the dumb teenager syndrone which is just lazy arse writing. Plus it shocked me how quickly and casually you killed off the main characters. No fuss, no drama, no glorifed death. It is just done in a very quick and mundane way. This has a big impact and is made me squirm.

I must ask it is obvious you love your horror, but do you have any interest in doing something difreent out of the boundries of horror? Just curious.    

Thanks for the read, Tonka.

I agree with everything you've said about the script. I've completely accepted the fact that Abattoir is not only my most deritive work but deritive in its own right. Regarding the plot, there is very little that hasn't been done before. I do however appreciate the fact that I made an attempt to write a smart horror film with smart, developed characters that did not rely on cheap scares and cliches. I think I succeeded in that. This is my second script I ever wrote so naturally, I was just finding my footing. Since then, I've endeavored to write horror films that are intelligent, innovative, and, most importantly, original. I also appreciate that you recognized the violence was not glorified or melodramatic. In dealing with serious subject matter, bleak tone, or people-on-people violence, I find it imperitive to show violence as it is in real life. Ugly and, more importantly, not meant to be enjoyed.

In regards to your question, I absolutely would like to step outside the horror genre. I've done so with the One Week Challenge as well as a comedy script I wrote on my own time. Currently, I'm rewriting Black Market. I'm going to focus on that for sometime however I've just begun outlining a sixth feature-length that will not be horror at all. Perhaps horrific at times but not horror. While Black Market was meant to be a transitional script in terms of genre, this one lacks what are typically recognized as horror genre conventions.

Thanks again for the read, and for bumping this one up to hot status (yes!!! ). I'll have a review of Sneaky Snatcher up within the next two weeks. I promise it won't take as long to read as the last one.

I must say, I'm inpressed! This did remind me of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre series, but who cares? That was a very good horror series. This was actually the first script I have ever read on this sight(about a year ago), so my memory is a little hazy. I will never forget the ending though! It was so over the top and gory that you had no choice but to root for the cops to be split in half.Very good! 8 out 10

Thanks for the read, Zack. I see you did check it out mid-last year. Much appreciated.

James, first I would like to say I messenged you sometime ago ,and mentioned I enjoyed this script.  This a well written script. I enjoy the pace of it. The kills I liked . The details were nice. I give it 7/10. A good read.

Hey GoreGore. Thanks for the read. I think I remember you although several people messaged me about this one. I see you've got a script posted here yourself. I'll take a look at it tomorrow.

hey james. this was a nice little horror piece you wrote here. i loved the banter between the filmmakers at the beginning. i felt Spence was a little underused. when i was reading him... he felt like that weasel that is always in these types of movies who always ends up doing something to betray or backstab the main character. i felt like maybe it was a missed oppurtunity to create some real tension within the dynmanic of the quatret of filmmakers, which you hint at at the beginning of the story.

ive read some criticism about there not being a true LEAD CHARACTER. i personally latched onto Lucy right away. but i wouldnt worry too much about that. Ripley was the main character of Alien and she was barely in the movie until well into the second act of the film. that is considered one of the best horror films of all time.

i personally like the way you did it... cause part of the fun of these types of movies is trying to figure out who's going to live. if you have a defined main character it sort takes something away from part of the suspense.

Thanks for keeping this one going strong, SwapJack.

Spence isn't meant to be a weasel by any means, just a guy who's a little rough around the edges and takes some warming up to. I get what you're saying about Lucy and the Alien comparison. I wish I could take credit for writing the story that way but unfortunately, it wasn't intentional. Kinda cool you thought it turned out that way though.

Thanks again, dude.

Wow! This is a great script, you have a nag for slashers my friend. I totally dug it. The characters were well written and I still wanted them to die. The dialogue was a bit shady at times but hey...I don't care what anybody says, even the best writers screw up on dialogue. Overall, it was awesome. Really made me want to watch The Texas Chainsaw Massacre again. I have to read more your stuff now.