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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Roadkill Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: January 29th, 2021, 4:14pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Roadkill by Sean Elwood & Zack Akers (Story by Zack Akers) - Horror - Trapped in a camper, three friends and a mysterious stranger must fend off a vicious beast that is dead set on tearing them to shreds and collecting what's left. 86 pages. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  February 6th, 2021, 12:02pm
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Grandma Bear
Posted: January 29th, 2021, 4:32pm Report to Moderator
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I thought I would check this out since it's so close to our Jan -21 Project, but I get an error message.


.
SS, is still free...
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LC
Posted: January 29th, 2021, 4:54pm Report to Moderator
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You and me both!


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Don
Posted: January 29th, 2021, 5:10pm Report to Moderator
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It's working, now.

Don


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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LC
Posted: January 29th, 2021, 5:32pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks, Don!


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Zack
Posted: January 29th, 2021, 11:38pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for getting this up, Don. We've got a poster for this as well. How can we get it up here?

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this, Pia.

I can't speak for Sean, but I had a blast writing this. Really proud of what we were able to put together.


An example of my writing...

FOR SATAN - short, horror, 14 pgs (revised draft) - A group of thrill-seekers explore a creepy old house on Halloween night. Think you know this story? Think again.
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Don
Posted: January 30th, 2021, 9:51am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Zack
Thanks for getting this up, Don. We've got a poster for this as well. How can we get it up here?

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this, Pia.

I can't speak for Sean, but I had a blast writing this. Really proud of what we were able to put together.


Send the poster over!

- Don


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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Zombie Sean
Posted: January 30th, 2021, 10:25am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Zack
I can't speak for Sean, but I had a blast writing this. Really proud of what we were able to put together.


I had just as much fun writing this with ya. We worked on this for the past few months and are excited to hear what you guys think. We know it could still use some work, but we want to get opinions of other writers to see how we can make it better. Thanks in advance for reading.

Sean


CLICK HERE FOR MY WEBSITE AND OTHER SCRIPTS

Bad Dreams - Short, Horror
Swan Song - Short, Drama (for the September 2021 OWC)
The Dead Body - Feature, Horror
Don't Go In The Shed - Short, Horror
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Zack
Posted: February 4th, 2021, 8:56pm Report to Moderator
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It goes without saying... But I will happily return the favor for anyone who reads and reviews this script. Could use some advice on how to punch this up a bit with the next draft.


An example of my writing...

FOR SATAN - short, horror, 14 pgs (revised draft) - A group of thrill-seekers explore a creepy old house on Halloween night. Think you know this story? Think again.
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LC
Posted: February 4th, 2021, 9:03pm Report to Moderator
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Bumping this for you, cause from what I've read so far, it's darned good, Zack.


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Zack
Posted: February 4th, 2021, 11:10pm Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Thanks for the bump and the kind words, Libby.   Really hope you enjoy the rest of it. Is there anything I can read for you in return?


An example of my writing...

FOR SATAN - short, horror, 14 pgs (revised draft) - A group of thrill-seekers explore a creepy old house on Halloween night. Think you know this story? Think again.

Revision History (1 edits)
Zack  -  February 5th, 2021, 5:03pm
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LC
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Page 86.  


SPOILERS FOLLOW:



Zack (and Sean,) I see lots of influences here: Jeepers Creepers, The Thing, even Wolf Creek towards the ending, but that's a good thing - I loved your mythical Monster/creature. Well, some thought it myth...

A fast action packed read.
Very few typos.
Some terrific humour, droll in parts, and just plain funny in others.

I did think the vehicle perched on the side of the cliff was a little bit forgotten now and then, thought they were going to have to be forced to the other vehicle and the one they were in was going to go off the cliff faster.


Maybe another synonym for crevasse?

I didn't like Troy dying but that's the romantic sook in me.
Slashers always equal taken out one by one, but it still gets me every time!

Die in here, or die out there - make the choice. It made sense up to a point.

I wouldn't dare go out there after seeing Bud's decapitated head thrown at me - that seemed like certain death after Skeet claiming he was not a killer. Putting Amber's life on the line was great, but did it need a bit more strengthening?

I did a quick read so don't take too much of any criticism as gospel. The old couple copping it was good, if a little predictable, but that was kinda half of the fun too.

The humour interspersed was terrific. I loved the Hiroshima firecracker..
And like every good villain/monster he wasn't easily killed, and comes back to fight another day

These are just comments on the fly, cause my mind is on other things, as you know.  

Will try to follow up a bit more precisely when other Jan 21 project stuff is out of the way.
But, overall, terrific stuff, guys.

Loved the closing shot.


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Don
Posted: February 6th, 2021, 12:02pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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Zack
Posted: February 6th, 2021, 2:50pm Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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"Zack (and Sean,) I see lots of influences here: Jeepers Creepers, The Thing, even Wolf Creek towards the ending, but that's a good thing - I loved your mythical Monster/creature. Well, some thought it myth..."

When we first started this project, the creature was intended to be a sort of Wendigo. Eventually, it evolved into a new tree-like monster. Lol.

"I did think the vehicle perched on the side of the cliff was a little bit forgotten now and then, thought they were going to have to be forced to the other vehicle and the one they were in was going to go off the cliff faster."

Any suggestions on how we could make the vehicle on the side of the cliff more prevalent to the plot?

"I wouldn't dare go out there after seeing Bud's decapitated head thrown at me - that seemed like certain death after Skeet claiming he was not a killer. Putting Amber's life on the line was great, but did it need a bit more strengthening?"

Agree that there needs to be a more believable reason for our characters to even consider stepping out from the safety of the RV. Guess that solves my question above. Lol.

"The humour interspersed was terrific. I loved the Hiroshima firecracker.."

Glad the humor landed so well with you. It's usually hit-or-miss in horror flicks. Definitely a tricky thing to balance.

"Loved the closing shot."

Thanks.

Thanks a ton for reading through this, Libby. I'm very relieved that you enjoyed it. Please let me know if I can read anything for you in return.


An example of my writing...

FOR SATAN - short, horror, 14 pgs (revised draft) - A group of thrill-seekers explore a creepy old house on Halloween night. Think you know this story? Think again.
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Zack
Posted: February 6th, 2021, 2:51pm Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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And thank you, Don, for getting the poster up. As usual, Sean did a fantastic job making it.


An example of my writing...

FOR SATAN - short, horror, 14 pgs (revised draft) - A group of thrill-seekers explore a creepy old house on Halloween night. Think you know this story? Think again.
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