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I'll check it out if you want to send it, although from what I heard, the prose is quite flowery (which really isn't my style). If someone wants to send it, cool. If not, no big deal.
I'm going to wait a few days before posting a review. Give people a chance to read. It's a cool script for a lot of reasons. For one thing, this script made it. Even if it never gets optioned, it got the writer signed with a big studio. That's a pretty good day.
Also, I think the script has much to say on how to write a successful script, much to teach.
Lesson number one, I think: a script sells itself in the first 20 pages. A buyer has largely made up his mind by then. If the script hasn't sold itself by then, it won't. If it has, then all it has to do the rest of the way is avoid screwing up the sale.
It's often talked about that a film or script dies in the second act. There are many reasons for that, and the one commonly cited is structure. There is truth to that, but there is an overlooked reason: momentum. When a script packs most of it's punch in the first act, there's almost no way the second act can live up to the first. So we have declining momentum. But if you want to sell a script, you have to risk that, because you better fire all your artillery in the early rounds.
What you want is to reset, and build to another peak, which usually comes in the form of a big surprise. That means the midpoint is hugely critical. I would argue it's more important that the act turns into two and three. Here's why.
You fire all your big guns in the first act, say the first 25 to 30 pages. If you've done well, the reader is impressed, maybe even drained. Peaks require valleys, so the script will need to recharge at this point. This is where the story will lose some steam, but that's ok. Because you've earned the right from the the reader to continue with your story on the strength of your first act.
But this emotionally flat part of the story can't continue forever. It can't be too long. You'll probably get about 15 or 20 pages of treading water. I don't mean dead scenes, but no major twists or turns. This leads you to the midpoint, which should be a big twist. This twist recharges the whole story, wakes us up, carries us to the end. And us long as the end doesn't suck, the audience will be reasonably satisfied. If the ending is great, the audience will be completely wowed by the whole experience.
I think Disciple needs to strengthen it's midpoint. It needs to move it's big twist up to that part of the film. This will supercharge the rest of the story, dramatically increase the stakes, amp up the conflict and tension in each scene. I'll say more when we discuss.
As to the Script Club question, you are likely to gain more participants through conventional channels (and I think Don prefers that it be a bit more structured).
Anyone can moderate that discussion -- and I suggest Kev give it a go with a formal thread -- but be warned, to thoroughly moderate such a discussion can be more time-consuming than you might expect.
It is also good form to wait until the OWC has settled itself down before embarking on something like that.
If you want to announce a formal thread in Screenwriting class, then lock it down for a week or so while people read, that is the way to go.
I've never participated in a script club, and really don't wish to moderate one. I was more just thinking about people leaving their opinions on the script. That could go any direction people wanted, whatever they felt like discussing. I don't think we're looking to recruit people to the discussion, either. Those that want in are in.
As you're a moderator, I'll refrain from further posts in the thread unless I hear otherwise.
I respectfully disagree. This thread is aptly named.
The only script club I witnessed here, though I did not participate(didn't have time to read the whole script) broke down into a discussion of orphans and unfilmables. Those things don't interest me in the least bit and I consider them a waste of a writer's time. People wish to discuss those aspects of Disciple, that's fine, but it doesn't interest me, and as it had no bearing on the selling of that script, for the life of me I don't understand why it would.
I've already discussed the script with people in emails, I'll stick to that. I do understand your priority, I have no problem with that, and I don't wish to distract from the OWC either. You know I'm a huge fan of the OWC's! I try to participate in those even when I don't want to. OWC's are unique event.
The only script club I witnessed here....broke down into a discussion of orphans and unfilmables.
Ah...and that is why such a discussion needs a proper moderator, you see -- to control such disparate elements. ["Orphans and unfilmables" you say? Who might that have been... ]
Anyways, just sayin'
And I was by no means implying that a "Script Club" treatment was mandatory here.
But they are an infrequent diversion that people seem to enjoy, and the conversation seemed to be leading in that direction.
I'd list my "work" here, but I don't know how to hyperlink.
"Career" Highlights -2, count em, 2 credits on my IMDB page. -One time a fairly prominent producer e-mailed me back. -I have made more than $1000 with my writing! -I've won 2 mugs... and a thong. (polaroids of me in thong available for $10 through PM)
Like I said, I'm not the right guy to do it, and I don't have time. But when you give the thumbs up, people can maybe post their opinions of Disciple here. Very informal.
And I want to add, I was really not directing that remark on orphans at one person. Truth be told, there a lot of regulars here that focus on that kind of stuff. I just read a full page review of a regular's feature by a another regular where the reader didn't even mention the story. I'm not kidding. He took a lot of time to help with his remarks, which is generous, but amazingly he didn't mention a thing about the guy's story.
I imagine that pros laugh when they visit and see that kind of thing.
Maybe I'll post more here on Disciple next week, after the OWC. I am interested to hear what other writers think of the story choices the Disciple's author made.
It's almost the perfect script to discuss -- great, engaging, sold -- and flawed.
All I am saying is that such a discussion deserves a proper house -- and this thread isn't it.
That, and give it a week or so out of respect to the OWC folks.
I tend to agree, and the Black Swan one was a lively discussion. And in many ways, this script should be just as intriguing. Much thanks to Carson for shooting over a copy.
Regards, E.D.
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