Hey Mike,

SPOILERS!

I really enjoyed the tale. It reminded of greek plays for some odd reason. being that all the gods and goddesses were interested in this type of matter.  The tale of how the one guy died before he enjoyed the experience to the end was one of the many highlights i enjoyed. But you make heaven appear negatively on females. To contrast this, you should probably change the Dexter character to a elderly lady or a young lady (prob more interesting results with the young lady). Hope this helps.

Gabe

Yeah i read this.

As always it is was well written. I haven't seen you write anything bad yet. That's why I keep coming back for more.

Interesting how this plot unfolded, guy gets picked up by a hottie in a tight red dress. She's out to reap him- For a moment as I read that bit the delightful TV series "Dead Like Me' popped in my mind and I thought that TV show did everything possible and cool involving Grim Reapers, what could Mike do that I haven't seen before? Reapers? big deal, Mike's treading on well worn ground.

Low and behold you did do something that was unexpected and put a smile on my face when reveal the reapers true intentions.

And yes Mike, I really think you should just write stage plays full time. You where born to write stage plays. Why fight it?

Everyone of your scripts I have read have basically been people standing around talking. This is not very cinematic where cinema requires moving pcitures. The talking drives your story. And your dialouge is the strength of your style.

It is only my opinion but stage play just seems natural for you.  

Quoted from tonkatough And yes Mike, I really think you should just write stage plays full time. You where born to write stage plays. Why fight it? Everyone of your scripts I have read have basically been people standing around talking. This is not very cinematic where cinema requires moving pcitures. The talking drives your story. And your dialouge is the strength of your style. It is only my opinion but stage play just seems natural for you.

I can't say that I haven't given it quite a bit of thought since it was first brought up in another thread, and I did almost submit my play to a theatre company here in Chicago, but after further investigation it turned out that they weren't accepting musicals.

I haven't written anything new besides what I'm working on for the local theatre here, which will also be a musical as well based on the parameters, but I do have some ideas for straight plays that I may try to get together and put them out there in the not too distant future, hopefully.

I think the thing that keeps me forging ahead in screenwriting, besides my love of movies, are writers like Paddy Chayefsky and David Mamet.  Granted, Mamet is pretty successful in plays as well, but these are both accomplished screenwriters who thrive(d) on dialogue.

I find Woody Allen to use more dialogue in his films as well.

I was not very happy with thtis, Mike.  I thought that Matt's attitude about the whole matter was too laid back (laid back?).  He just accepted the fact that he banged thte angel of death and that was that.  The idea that the angel wanted an attractive boy-toy was good, but it wasn't enough for me.


Phil

Thanks for looking, Phil.

I'm sure you'll like something of mine someday.

I like the transition on page 3 where they fall into bed.
That was cool.

The twist was nice, and its like you were staying with what the viewer was thinking which is good.

!!SPOLIERS!!

I didn't like the end dialogue though.  The punchline and twist was enough.  But then you put in the line-"was that a dream?"  I mean do we really need to think of it as a dream?  Does this need to be a debate at the end?  The movie short should conclude.   Our belief was suspended, why must it be a dream now?  

Her in the hallway touching people, saying get your hand off of him.  That was a little too much.  I mean if she was so horny she could've touched everyone in the coffee shop trying to date them you know.  

I say end it everything on a good note.  So all in all, the short made me smile.

Hey Joe,

Thanks for the read.  I actually had to pop open the script after a moment to reacclimate myself to the "dream" dialogue.  In an earlier version he just woke up a little confused, found the shoe, and simply said "Whoa".

She could have flirted with someone else in the coffee shop, sure, but other than her and Matt the only other person there was the Barista.  I put the line in the hallway in for just a little more comedy and to emphasize how much of a nymph she actually is.

As long as it made you smile, I did my job.  Thanks again.

This was a really nice read, enjoyable...

The dialogue is so darn good that i loved it. The story was interesting.

Mike, did it come well the short, or it hasn't yet been produced, because i came to know about this script from another thread i was looking in. If done properly this could make a hell of a good film.

Hope it turns well.

Cheers

Hey Mister I-Have-An-IMDB-Profile-Show-Off

Seriously, Mike, very well written script here and nice visuals - especially Selena (what a fitting name for her by the way). But I do have some issues.

This story, when all the excess fat has been peeled off, is pretty much just a hitman script in sheep's clothing. I don't like those because they're so alike - and it doesn't help that there are hundreds of similar scripts floating around here on SS. The "I'm-so-übercool-and-I-know-everything-about-you-and-I'm-going-to-kill-you" kind of character has just been done to death. Reading this script, I was really hoping you wouldn't take that predictable route. Okay, turning Selena in to basically a spoiled brat in the end did save it somewhat. I actually though that was the most entertaining part of the script. I didn't see that - or Dexter - coming so that's definitely a plus in my book.

Overall I don't think the story packed a big enough punch. The second act (the crisis) did feel somewhat of a breeze-through, it never reached a pitch where I really felt caught up by the story. Another thing that puzzled me was that I couldn't tell whether this was supposed to be a comedy or a drama, it felt sort of ambivalent in that area. I think you should focus the piece more heavily on what genre you want this to fit into.

Anyway, good job on writing/format etc., but the story lacked a little oomph imo.

Cheers
Rob

PS: And this is just me being totally anal, but...

Quoted from Expiration Date Matt quickly closes his paper and tosses it to the floor.

...what kind of littering bastard is this Matt dude anyway? That fool better be happy I didn't run that Coffee shop, otherwise his ass would be totally dead. Put it on the table for Christ's sake!

Hey guys, thanks for reading.

Nik,

It has been produced, although I haven't had the opportunity see it yet.  I did receive word yesterday that a copy has been mailed out, so hopefully I'll get it early next week.  Based on the small parts I did see, it looks like it was done rather well.

Rob,

I can see where you're coming from with the hitman aspect, and it makes sense, but I do think the characters and situation are a little bit different than the clear cut hitman scripts floating around.  Also, the shooting script is quite a bit different than this one, with a few more characters and going a little deeper into Selena's "job".  The story is still pretty basic, but it punches it up a little I think.

I would call the script a comedy, but on the subtle side.  I had a little bit of streak there where I was writing things that were comedic on the surface, but not going all out in trying to be rip roaringly funny.  Weird, I know, but most of the scripts I wrote that way, I ended up happy with the end result.  I'll just have to see how this one translates to film.

Tossing the paper on the floor is just bad wording on my part.  I envisioned the table Matt was at to be rather small, and with Selena there it wouldn't make sense for him to put the paper down on top of it, basically covering it up and leaving no room for her cup.  "Tosses" should have been "sets it down on the floor next to him".

Thanks again to both of you.

Quoted from Shelton It has been produced, although I haven't had the opportunity see it yet.  I did receive word yesterday that a copy has been mailed out, so hopefully I'll get it early next week.

Whoa, I didn't know that - congrats, Mike.

Quoted from sniper Whoa, I didn't know that - congrats, Mike.

Thanks, Rob.  I'm assuming Nik stumbled upon the script via the "Movie Poster Thread" which has the poster (New title) and some footage from the DP's reel on it.

http://web.mac.com/gigimala/GIGI_WEB_SITE/REEL/Pages/Cessation.html

Ah yeah. I remember the Cessation poster, didn't know it was based on this script. Nice looking trailer too, although the humping scene looks weird.

Quoted from sniper ...although the humping scene looks weird.

HaHaHa...yeah.  I definitely agree with you there.

I saw this at the top of the board and the tagline sounded interesting enough so I figured I'd read and comment. Then I read through the comments and see it has already been produced.

Congratulations, and will the finished video be viewable online? I enjoyed the script, though I think a little more could've been done with the ending, and would love to see what changes went in to the final product.