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Wow, I quite liked it, it's one of my favorites of yours so far. I think the ending worked perfectly, I didn't see it coming at all.
The couple things I might work on: I'm not sure if you mentioned kevin was sitting right next to her, if you did I skimmed over it. Maybe a little more description of the setting. Also some of the dialogue is a little thick, you might try to cut it back some.
I agree with rendevous that most of the best lines are when the medium is kind of playing to the crowd and getting their reactions. This keeps us in the whole scene, instead of just being a dialogue between the two.
Very nice job though, good luck with the revisions.
It does mention that Kevin sits in the empty seat next to Danielle, when all the other latecomers arrive. It probably does need a little more emphasis though, you're right there.
Thanks for the positive comments, it makes it all worthwhile.
I had a hunch about the ending - but I still really enjoyed reading it.
There were a few minor issues:
Quoted Text
Iona stands, and heads towards one side of the audience, as Sam heads to the other. They shake hands with all the newcomers.
I didn't see the point of this - you'd end up with about a minute of screentime where people just shake hands.
Quoted Text
And who you know with the bright green sports car, please?
Needs a "do".
I'm fairly sure there was also a "your" where you meant "you're" in there somewhere - but I can't find it now, so I might be mistaken.
Mary insisting on just a "yes" or "no" answer struck me as unlikely. Call me cynical, but most mediums do a lot of their work by drawing information out of their target. Or at least the one's I've seen (in documentaries) do.
'Mary' is based on a medium that I have seen on regular occasions at the weekly spiritualist night at the welfare centre in my home town. You're right that a majority of clairvoyants draw information from their targets (known as cold reading), but this one (I forget her name) insists on 'yes' and 'no' answers, and gets a little shirty if you give her too many details!
The hand-shaking 'farce' happens weekly too, it is supposed to put newbies at ease I think, but in reality, makes them quite uncomfortable!
I stand corrected. You obviously have a higher class of mediums where you are.
I still think you might want to reconsider the handshaking though. Even if it's what actually happens, it just strikes me as something that would look a bit odd (and slow) on screen.
Got to say I really enjoyed this, it was well written and I don't recall any errors. I'll hold my hands up and say I thought the ending was going to go the way of Kevin misleading Mary into convincing Danielle of the love between them, but, your ending was much better and I honestly never saw it coming. There was some real emotion in here and the twist worked well. Nice work mate.
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