Yeah, Woody Allen is great, possibly the most productive writer/director or even just the most prolific filmmaker of all time, what a body of work that guy has, incredible. An excellent source to draw from too, one can't go too far wrong quoting his one liners

"And with the headlights - When you de-activate a silent alarm, most cars' headlights flash..." -- That would be correct, sir, never thought of that.

Quoted from Woody Allen The last time I was in a woman I was visiting the Statue of Liberty.

"The last time I was in a woman I was visiting the Statue of Liberty" -- Well there you go, thank you for showcasing my claim, Rv

Hey Anthony,

Decided to take a gander at something new from you having just read Grand Avenue recently.  There's good writing here, but I felt the ending was lacking in pop to me.

SPOILERS

As I said, it's well written.  All of the characters have their own voices and personalities and it's easy to follow.  There's two parallel stories going on here; one with Will and Jenny and the other simultaneous conversation between Lopez and Crowder.  It seemed that the parallel storytelling would meet somewhere, but it didn't, so I was a little disappointed in that aspect.  I understand that Lopez and Crowder serve to explain the real back story and to foreshadow what's going to happen, but I think I would have liked to see at least some sort of knot tied between them and Will/Jenny at the end.

As for who's the killer...well, obviously it's either Will or Jenny.  I think Jenny was the early frontrunner simply because she had a very different attitude, whereas Will was simply the nice guy.  So when it came to be that Jenny was packing heat and had other plans(even after that in depth, revealing conversation), it wasn't the most shocking to be honest with you.  I thought maybe Will was the killer when he went into the bathroom to splash water on his face, but Jenny pretty much stole that show from him.

Some people have mentioned Jenny's smoking as being overdone.  Personally I thought it was more revealing of her character because right off the bat the waiter tells her, dude you can't smoke her and she's like, dude come on.  So it makes her that rebel right off the bat and puts her in the lead for the "who's the killer?" position.  

Dialogue was sharp all around.  Characters were good too.  Conversations were realistic(it took me about 9 tries to type out that word. What the heck?).  Overall it was a quick and enjoyable read, but I think the ending could be tied up a little neater.  

Nice job, man.  Please let me know if you have any questions or if anything was unclear.

-Greg

Greg,

Many thanks for the read - I really appreciate it!

Glad you liked it on balance, and definitely an interesting take on the meeting of the divergent story lines. I really never considered that, but I will do so if I ever re-visit this, and at some point I may, if I feel I have another 70-80 pages in me to turn it into a feature.

As for the ending, and keeping the audience guessing, I posted earlier that I hoped that the readers would expect a twist - and I seem to be developing a habit of not giving the reader what they want... (o:

For me, the drama I hoped to create for the reader was whether they believed Will's and Jenny's stories to each other.

Again, good food for thought from you, and thanks -

AJR

Mr. Russo, AJR!

Damn fine read. Ending could be a bit more but that's been pointed out a few times so it must be true, eh?

While reading this, I saw it in B&W like a club noir scene. Very cool.

See ya around,

Gary

I didn't get into this. I don't like cop shows and so reading through the cop scenes and all that cop talk in your script was a real chore for me. Not your fault, it's just me.

What I did like was the characters of Jenny and Will. You did a wonderful job of writing their characters, giving them little mannerisms that give them distinct personalities. The awkward timid Will plays off  ice cool Jenny perfectly.

The story did not interest me for reasons above, so I can't comment on that but boy I wish I got as much out of your script as colkurtz did.

I got a lot more out of Pete's head then I did out of this.        

tonkatough,

Thanks for the read. Actually I agree with you - cop stories are not my favorite either. I wrote this to try to stretch myself as a writer, since I usually write comedy, and I tried to pick something that would be the hardest thing for me to write.

My favorite part of course was creating the characters. Glad you liked the interaction between Will and Jenny.

If there's anything you have up besides "Malto", let me know so I can return the favor.

AJR

Gary,

Missed your post there!

Thanks for reading it. Yeah, in my mind I kind of kept a "noir" feeling while writing it. I'll try to return the favor for you in the next few days.

AJR

Anthony, First of yours i've read. You write well but the story didn't work for me.

I agree with most of the other posts so I won't repeat.  The only constructive feedback I can give is, at times, the dialogue seems a little fake when they end their sentences with the other characters names. I dont think we do it that much in reality. "I think you write well, Anthony" vs "I think you write well" . I understand this once to establish names to the audience, but then you kept it up.

Anywho, fine writing. Story needs fleshed out a little for me.

Cheers... James

James,

Thanks for giving this a shot. As for the name repetition, I thought it would be a good way for Jenny to establish her dominance in the conversation, and eventually Will followed suit.  In a re-write I'd probably tone it down, though.

Again, thanks and let me know if I can return the read.

AJR

I read the script a week ago but i finally get to write this comment.
Pretty well done! I rather liked it, and i don't guess i'll have to add anything negative to colkurtz' review above.
Toggling between the perpetrator (or at least the suspect) and the investigators discussing the case from the beginning on is an interesting idea that I seldom saw in any movie. (Usually only one side is featured; in "Columbo" for instance only the murderers life exists, the police is practically never shown. On the other hand on shows like CSI the investigation can be followed but we don't get to know who's the perp till the end (ok, depends on episode))
Anyway, what I want to say is that you made a very interesting attempt to combine different ways of telling stories about crime.
The characters are utterly convincing; the somehow Bond-girl-like Jenny, the timid Will sitting in the restaurant and talking about their life (or maybe making up stories, who knows?) appeared totally realistically. I've never been on a date with someone from online but i guess it would be exactely like this.
I actually DO believe that people would speak about things like their infancy because they maybe just continued their regular on-line conversations.... Anyway, the dialogue pleased me very much aswell! Good lines and lots of catchphrases. ("Should auuuuld acquaintance be forgot..." remained in my head for the entire week...)
Go on like that!

Tommy,

Thanks for the read and for the really kind words!  I'm glad you liked it.

Let me know if I can return the read at some point.

AJR

If I'll ever happen to finish a script

Anthony,

After you provided me with a real injection of confidence - your review of my OWC - I was intrigued to read your work. Whereas others had missed what my intentions with that script were, you hit the note again and again with the characters, so obviously I think you're brilliant

It's been said, but great writing. This script moved along at a terrific pace.

The best thing about this script is the dialogue. It's quite simply among the best I have read here.

I would carry on with - the deserving - compliments, but it's 3am.

Great work.

Andrew