Weird Shit by Steven Clark - Short, Comedy - Rousted out of his bedroom in just his socks and underwear, a nerdy teen has a lot of explaining to do to the F.B.I. 4 pages

production: Three actors, bedroom, interrogation room, minimal budget - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Red Flags from Red Flags on Vimeo.

Well written, Steven. I liked it.  Not much to add.

Quoted from eldave1 Well written, Steven. I liked it.  Not much to add.

Ditto.

Nice little short. Can see it being interesting for actors to tackle.

Good luck with it.

Thank, Dave and Andrew.

This idea came to me last night so I just wrote it up real quick. I meant it as a little nod and a wink to us screenwriters. God knows I've searched for some crazy shit.

Steve

Me too, Steve!  I often think if they're looking at my browser history they'd think what a strange collection of 'weird shit'. All for creative purposes, of course.

...

It's very good. Very enjoyable. The only thing I think is you could have drawn it out just a teeny bit longer and the ending was a bit abrupt.

I do get that you need to balance it however, otherwise you kill the joke.

Agent Orange.

Quoted from LC Me too, Steve!  I often think if they're looking at my browser history they'd think what a strange collection of 'weird shit'. All for creative purposes, of course. ... It's very good. Very enjoyable. The only thing I think is you could have drawn it out just a teeny bit longer and the ending was a bit abrupt. I do get that you need to balance it however, otherwise you kill the joke. Agent Orange.

Libby,

Thanks for reading. I see what you're saying about the ending. A teeny bit longer maybe. I really didn't want there to be too much to this - I was afraid I'd think of another joke and have to figure out a way to shoehorn it in. Hopefully it's balanced well enough.

Steve

Short, sweet, and the ending made me laugh out loud. Nice work.

Hey, Steven - Funny shit. My only gripe is that you gave in too quick. I think it could be drawn just a bit with some more play on Agent Orange. Nicely done, as is, but could be more.

BTW - I'm so hesitant to search certain subjects and you nailed it. Thanks for recognizing our plight!

Steven,

I like the idea. I think Chad should protest his innocence for a while longer when being interrogated, hence draw out the humour for a little longer. it seems the federal agents are too quick to release him, especially seeing as they went to all the effort to monitor and arrest him in the first place.

Nice idea though and well wrote.

Quoted from Bayne Short, sweet, and the ending made me laugh out loud. Nice work.

Thanks, Chris. Glad you enjoyed it.

Quoted from JEStaats Hey, Steven - Funny shit. My only gripe is that you gave in too quick. I think it could be drawn just a bit with some more play on Agent Orange. Nicely done, as is, but could be more. BTW - I'm so hesitant to search certain subjects and you nailed it. Thanks for recognizing our plight!

Thanks, I'm glad it mostly worked for you. You're probably right, Agent Orange could have been done a little more. Guess I was just being economical. Funny, ever since Back To School and Dean Martin I always had a thing for funny names.

Quoted from Marvin Steven, I like the idea. I think Chad should protest his innocence for a while longer when being interrogated, hence draw out the humour for a little longer. it seems the federal agents are too quick to release him, especially seeing as they went to all the effort to monitor and arrest him in the first place. Nice idea though and well wrote.

Thanks for the comments, Marvin. I understand what you're saying about stretching this out. A few people have said that, and had this been a serious piece I probably would have done that. But, being a comedy, I wanted it light and quick so I just sort of got in and got out. Again, thanks for the read.

Steve

Well put together and amusing in parts.

The punchline is a bit naff but at only 4 pages it just about qualifies itself.

I know, damning with faint praise personified

Quoted from Colkurtz8 Well put together and amusing in parts. The punchline is a bit naff but at only 4 pages it just about qualifies itself. I know, damning with faint praise personified

Thanks, Colonel. I think. No -- really appreciate the read, as always. Maybe some day soon I'll have something a little bigger and broader for you to sink your teeth into.

Steve

Hey, Dude. Gave this a read. Not sure how I feel about it.

On one hand, it's written well. It moved fast, no hang ups. Not overly visual, but solid enough.

Storywise... This just kinda left me hanging. It seems like this joke had some more legs, but you cut it off so quick. The two detective's gave up far too easily. After Chad reveals that he's a writer, the detective's should pry a bit more. Ask what he's writing. Ask why he's researching granny porn. Maybe Chad replies "The porn, oh that's not for my writing. That's for masturbating." Lol

Still, not a bad effort. Just needs something more.

Quoted from Zack Hey, Dude. Gave this a read. Not sure how I feel about it. On one hand, it's written well. It moved fast, no hang ups. Not overly visual, but solid enough. Storywise... This just kinda left me hanging. It seems like this joke had some more legs, but you cut it off so quick. The two detective's gave up far too easily. After Chad reveals that he's a writer, the detective's should pry a bit more. Ask what he's writing. Ask why he's researching granny porn. Maybe Chad replies "The porn, oh that's not for my writing. That's for masturbating." Lol Still, not a bad effort. Just needs something more.

Thanks for reading, Zack. Yeah, I guess it definitely can be extended. Mostly everyone who read it said so. I wrote it real quick one night in between things, so I didn't give it too much attention. Maybe I should have. At least drag out the granny porn! haha.

Anyways, just got an email about this script, so let's see if anything happens.

Now that I think about it... Why not cut the opening at the house, start with a cold open in the interrogation room. Throw us right into it. Then you could extend the end a bit and still keep this under 4 pages.

Quoted from SAC Anyways, just got an email about this script, so let's see if anything happens.

Congrats, Dude!

Ahahaha Steven. Granny porn ahaha. I wish there was more of the weird funny convo though, too much fun here.
And def you created room for more! Like who writes about granny porn? Let them dig deeper.  Let Chad start suspecting Me Orange is interested in granny porn. Let Orange confess in his issues with his grandma!
Now I’m angry! You didn’t see it through.

But seriously funny little story. It does end somewhat fast, could be a punchier ending. A bit more is needed I think. It still delivered big time.

Quoted from khamanna Ahahaha Steven. Granny porn ahaha. I wish there was more of the weird funny convo though, too much fun here. And def you created room for more! Like who writes about granny porn? Let them dig deeper.  Let Chad start suspecting Me Orange is interested in granny porn. Let Orange confess in his issues with his grandma! Now I’m angry! You didn’t see it through. But seriously funny little story. It does end somewhat fast, could be a punchier ending. A bit more is needed I think. It still delivered big time.

Hey Kham, thanks for reading. I'm glad you got a chuckle out of this. All points you made I agree with. I've now gotten two emails on this script so maybe someone will make it and add on more. Fingers crossed.

And granny porn. What's so funny about granny porn? Er, I mean, granny porn! Hahahahahahaha!

"Agent Orange!" Did a spit take on my computer screen over that one! Thanks...I think.

Not much more to add. I like it a lot, but agree with some of the others that it ended too soon.

Quoted from JohnMcCarthy "Agent Orange!" Did a spit take on my computer screen over that one! Thanks...I think. Not much more to add. I like it a lot, but agree with some of the others that it ended too soon.

I'm glad you liked that one, John. Names and dialogue misdirection is where a lot of my humor energy is spent.

Lengthening or shortening scenes is something I've always struggled with so your comment comes as no surprise. Supposedly this is being filmed somewhere (forget where at the moment) and they mentioned lengthening it as well. So, I guess I gave them something to build off of, at least.

Thanks for the read!

Steve

Just notified today this has been filmed. Guy made a few changes, he said. He’s gonna enter it in a few festivals and send me a link later this month, so maybe something to see then!

With or without your concent?

Regardless, congrats!  

With.

Congrats on another one in the bag!

Nice little script this one. Congrats, Stevo!
Look forward to watching it.

Thanks all. When I get something I’ll post it.

Hi all! So, here’s the final product. Not too shabby. The director gave himself a co writing credit as he added a lot more to this. My original clocked in around three pages, so… anyway —

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ypho2Kp6XI0

Having a look...  

Quoted from Zack Now that I think about it... Why not cut the opening at the house, start with a cold open in the interrogation room. Throw us right into it. Then you could extend the end a bit and still keep this under 4 pages. Congrats, Dude!

Dude. That’s exactly what they did!

Great casting, (a bit of a Ryan Gosling thing happening with the main character - which is nice   )  and the vibe is spot on. I laughed out loud in a few places.

I think your punchline was a bit lost in this longer version with the GF's death but it was very entertaining nonetheless.

Watched it. Pretty amazing! Congrats, yo!

That was great!!! Really!

If I was going to nitpick, it would be as an occasional filmmaker who knows nothing, lol. I always watch with headphones when I want to watch seriously, but that also makes tiny flaws stand out when it comes to sound. It was hollow. It needed more layers of sound.  I would also say they should have filmed the writer from more angles. They did with the other two, but not him. Like I said, very tiny nitpicks.

Other than that, it was really great. Funny too.

Quoted from LC Great casting, (a bit of a Ryan Gosling thing happening with the main character - which is nice   )  and the vibe is spot on. I laughed out loud in a few places. I think your punchline was a bit lost in this longer version with the GF's death but it was very entertaining nonetheless.

Glad you liked it! I see what you’re saying about my punchline, though I knew from the get go this director wanted to add more to this. Feel he did a pretty decent job. Said he wanted a Coen brothers type thing going on, and I can see a little of that, too.

Quoted from Yuvraj Watched it. Pretty amazing! Congrats, yo!

Thanks!

Quoted from Grandma Bear That was great!!! Really! If I was going to nitpick, it would be as an occasional filmmaker who knows nothing, lol. I always watch with headphones when I want to watch seriously, but that also makes tiny flaws stand out when it comes to sound. It was hollow. It needed more layers of sound.  I would also say they should have filmed the writer from more angles. They did with the other two, but not him. Like I said, very tiny nitpicks. Other than that, it was really great. Funny too.

Glad you liked it, Pia. Fair points all.

Good show. I like the parody of the infamous Matrix interview. I've often wondered if the feds are watching when I Google some very odd stuff in the name of research for a story. Last week I searched how to make a hangman's noose for a prop and was greeted with multiple notifications to contact the suicide hotline.

I thought the actors did well. Audio could've been better, but I understood what they were saying. Nice to have another one on your resume. Thanks for sharing it.

James

Quoted from jwent6688 Good show. I like the parody of the infamous Matrix interview. I've often wondered if the feds are watching when I Google some very odd stuff in the name of research for a story. Last week I searched how to make a hangman's noose for a prop and was greeted with multiple notifications to contact the suicide hotline. I thought the actors did well. Audio could've been better, but I understood what they were saying. Nice to have another one on your resume. Thanks for sharing it. James

Glad you like it! Much appreciated.

Filmed again...

Red Flags from Red Flags on Vimeo.

Top-notch production, definitely one to be proud of. Congrats!

Yep, good going, Steve! Getting mileage out of this one.
My personal fav is the comedic reveal but they did this version well.

Thanks for watching the new version, which I personally think is the best thing anyone has ever done with one of my scripts. This film came out great. The filmmaker asked me to write a one hour pilot for this as a couple prodcos showed some interest. We’ll see what comes of that, if anything.

The language you’re hearing is Russian, and the filmmaker is currently trying to leave the country and maybe head to the US, so I wish him good luck there.

I’ll post the pilot once it’s revised, which basically follows the story of the characters from this particular version of my script. Which are actually his (filmmakers) characters. He just liked the script, but what he literally did was film a whole new version “based” on my story and did some amazing things with it.

Ah, okay. Cool backstory to this new longer more elaborate version.

P.S. I was thinking immaculate timing with the cat.
Then of course imagined someone on the second storey giving the feline his or her cue.  

Quoted from LC Ah, okay. Cool backstory to this new longer more elaborate version. P.S. I was thinking immaculate timing with the cat. Then of course imagined someone on the second storey giving the feline his or her cue.

Exactly.

That was great! As far as foreign productions go, my best films have been made abroad.

Congrats on the double!  

Sweet! Awesome to see you share this here. Impressive production all the way around. You should be proud of this one, Dude.

Thanks Pia and Zack. I finally got the ok because the director told me, sadly, that film festivals aren’t accepting Russian films. But this film did receive good response in an Austin fest last month and, yes, I’m super proud of this one for sure.

Great work there - production value and acting TOP NOTCH

Congrats, Steve.

I really liked it. Good acting. Nice short.

Frank

Thanks, Dave and Frank!

Funny, when the filmmaker contacted me to tell me it was done he said he’d made some changes and that he hoped I wouldn’t mind. Dude made it ten times better than my script by adding his own flair, story and style. Just goes to show you what happens when you hook up with a really talented director. It’s more a collaborative effort, and to me that’s the essence of screenwriting — improving on the original.

Haha! Luv the Red Flag one.

Reminds me of an article I read a few years back. A father was researching bomb making materials online with his son for a school science project - only to get a cease and desist letter two weeks later from the FBI. Not sure what became of it.

Anywaz, it was nicely done. I'm sure you're proud. Congrats._ghostie gal

Thanks, Ghostie! Glad you liked it. For sure the fav of mine that’s been filmed.