Looking forward to seeing it.

Thanks guys!

Dustin, I think you will be impressed. He takes a long time to set up his shots, but he does an amazing job. A real artist.

Libby, I know I wanted to shoot something in one location with few actors within a budget we could handle. We used the old actor in that 48hr short we did back in May. I liked him and thought he did a good job, so the story really started with him in mind. We did not need to hold auditions. The second actor is well known in Jax. He´s awesome. We have had him in our films three times now.

I had a great time.

I love Bob. Love his experience. One of my favorite actors in Jax that I scouted looking for while searching for someone who could speak with German accent AND be old enough to live thru Nazi Germany times. Then we used him for 48 Hour project... he is a great actor IMO. So glad we could use him again in this. I think he did outstanding. David our other actor is a very good actor as well.. Hope it comes out as good as I think it will.

Pia did a great job directing. Pia and our DP work very well together in getting the shots. We ran my husband out of my house for the day but .. it happens.

Enjoyed this. Learned a lot. Always do.

No 'extra' work for Hubby this time, eh Dena?
P.S. Thanks for the clarification Pia re your leading man. It's half the battle won when you already have the talent lined up.

View post on imgur.com

A couple of stills from the shoot. Looks pretty good so far.  

Pia

I see this is already in production so first off, congrats! and secondly, you're probably not looking for any more thoughts on it.

Having said that…See below for unwanted 2 cents

As always, your writing is clean and direct, no issues there. Although, I wondered why you didn't specify the age of the neighbouring woman behind the large sunglasses. It’s a rather vital detail to omit in regards how the scene plays out. Anyway, it’s only a minor thing.

This is essentially a two hander that is wall-to-wall exposition as both characters divulge, purely in dialogue, what their situation is. They are wholly portrayed by what they say. bar some set up scenes of Vernon shuffling around his house looking lonely.

I should say that this is not a criticism. On the contrary, I was intrigued by how you would (or not) hold my attention given the un-cinematic limitations of the premise i.e. a phone call. And to your credit, you more than achieved that. The exchanges unfolded in a manner which slowly reeled me in before we find out what is at the root of these two men's troubles. I mean, you went for real top shelf trauma here, concentration camps and war related PTSD! Nothing new there, this stuff has been mined extensively for drama but the characters' descriptions of their ordeals were particularly vivid. I literally flinched as Jim relayed his harrowing experience, rough stuff. Which is saying something given how desensitized/jaded we all are.

Their agreement to meet the following day, while sweet on the page, will be difficult to pull off on screen I think. It’s a bit too schmaltzy, at least for my tastes anyway. A little too neat and cheerful given what we've heard. By all means end on a hopeful note but perhaps rein it in a little. A streak of bittersweet as Vernon returns to the silence of his house post phone call may temper it a bit, in a realistic way I think. I mean, yes he has established a rare connection but it’s really just a rest byte from those stretching, silent hours that make up his days.

Even the toll of having verbalised his horrific past (which I'm sure he has done before but probably not for a while) could be acknowledged. That sadness/shadow/burden presumably never leaves you no matter how far it is in your rear-view mirror. Having just reiterated it could bring forth those wounds afresh. This could be registered on his expression, his body language, as he takes stock of his conversation with Jim, his life, and what it has become.

Instead, we get an unabashed upbeat and defiant Vernon, seemingly cured of his isolation so that he feels a compelled to leave a somewhat snide and petulant message for his son. I get it, it’s a crowd pleasing F-you to those who have cast him aside. However, it just feels like too much of a swing.

Also, I was made to wonder why Vernon is so estranged from his family. The impression you give his that he is deemed old and useless and forgotten by the world, including those he raised and yeah, this is a sad reality for the elderly but having heard his story, I can't help thinking Vernon must have major emotional baggage and unresolved issues which he may have inflicted upon his own family. Maybe he wasn't a very nice dad, who knows. I’m just speculating here, always reaching for the darkness

Anyway, solid work. I hope it turns out well.

Col.

Thank you so much for reading!!!  

Quoted from Colkurtz8 I see this is already in production so first off, congrats! and secondly, you're probably not looking for any more thoughts on it. Having said that…See below for unwanted 2 cents As always, your writing is clean and direct, no issues there. Although, I wondered why you didn't specify the age of the neighbouring woman behind the large sunglasses. It’s a rather vital detail to omit in regards how the scene plays out. Anyway, it’s only a minor thing.

Thanks for those comments too! As far as the age of the neighbor woman goes, we knew who the actress was going to be, but did not know her age and didn't want to ask, so we took the safe route. Dena thought I could just as well have done that part, but I wanted a bigger age difference. I figured an older neighbor would be less likely to so easily dismiss Vernon.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 This is essentially a two hander that is wall-to-wall exposition as both characters divulge, purely in dialogue, what their situation is. They are wholly portrayed by what they say. bar some set up scenes of Vernon shuffling around his house looking lonely. I should say that this is not a criticism. On the contrary, I was intrigued by how you would (or not) hold my attention given the un-cinematic limitations of the premise i.e. a phone call. And to your credit, you more than achieved that. The exchanges unfolded in a manner which slowly reeled me in before we find out what is at the root of these two men's troubles. I mean, you went for real top shelf trauma here, concentration camps and war related PTSD! Nothing new there, this stuff has been mined extensively for drama but the characters' descriptions of their ordeals were particularly vivid. I literally flinched as Jim relayed his harrowing experience, rough stuff. Which is saying something given how desensitized/jaded we all are.

I have probably mentioned this somewhere else, but the idea for this came about at work when my hubby and I were getting cranky over all the robocalls we were getting. Then we mused at the idea of keeping talking to them. Refusing to hang up until they did. That's where the main idea came from. I knew I needed something more to connect the caller and the answering person with and Dena mention she really wanted to use this 82 year old actor we worked with earlier in the year. Then we needed a location and I immediately volunteered Dena's house, lol. This had to be ultra low budget, so that's how it went from idea to story and ultimately specifics of actors and the location.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 Their agreement to meet the following day, while sweet on the page, will be difficult to pull off on screen I think. It’s a bit too schmaltzy, at least for my tastes anyway. A little too neat and cheerful given what we've heard. By all means end on a hopeful note but perhaps rein it in a little. A streak of bittersweet as Vernon returns to the silence of his house post phone call may temper it a bit, in a realistic way I think. I mean, yes he has established a rare connection but it’s really just a rest byte from those stretching, silent hours that make up his days. Even the toll of having verbalised his horrific past (which I'm sure he has done before but probably not for a while) could be acknowledged. That sadness/shadow/burden presumably never leaves you no matter how far it is in your rear-view mirror. Having just reiterated it could bring forth those wounds afresh. This could be registered on his expression, his body language, as he takes stock of his conversation with Jim, his life, and what it has become. Instead, we get an unabashed upbeat and defiant Vernon, seemingly cured of his isolation so that he feels a compelled to leave a somewhat snide and petulant message for his son. I get it, it’s a crowd pleasing F-you to those who have cast him aside. However, it just feels like too much of a swing.

I hear you and would agree. My intention at the end there was to Make Vernon excited to meet with someone and his call to his son was not at all intended as an Fu. He was just excited to tell him he has something to do tomorrow. We'll see how that actually turned out on film. I'm supposed to go look at a first cut later today. I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't hit the mark. Making films and making them turnout just like you pictured it in your head, is a lot easier said than done.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 Also, I was made to wonder why Vernon is so estranged from his family. The impression you give his that he is deemed old and useless and forgotten by the world, including those he raised and yeah, this is a sad reality for the elderly but having heard his story, I can't help thinking Vernon must have major emotional baggage and unresolved issues which he may have inflicted upon his own family. Maybe he wasn't a very nice dad, who knows. I’m just speculating here, always reaching for the darkness Anyway, solid work. I hope it turns out well. Col.

My thinking about Vernon's isolation was that his wife has passed, so he's alone that way. His son doesn't spend enough time with him because he has a new younger wife and she couldn't care less about him. This was all going to be displayed via photos, but the pics we were given were not right for that explanation. This was the night before the shoot. We could've re-written it to explain better, but when you're working with an older actor like that, there are a lot of things to take into consideration that you normally don't have to on a shoot.

Thank you again so much for reading and commenting. If you want a return read, just hit me up. Might be a little while, I'm currently reading Kevin's "leitskev" novel!!! Now that's something to be impressed by.  

Pia

Quoted from Grandma Bear As far as the age of the neighbor woman goes, we knew who the actress was going to be, but did not know her age and didn't want to ask, so we took the safe route. Dena thought I could just as well have done that part, but I wanted a bigger age difference. I figured an older neighbor would be less likely to so easily dismiss Vernon.

Haha, actors and their egos. Could you have narrowed down her age to a decade at least and crossed your fingers? Anyway, yeah, I figured she was younger given her rude reaction to Vernon. An amusing behind-the-scenes tidbit nonetheless.

Quoted from Grandma Bear I have probably mentioned this somewhere else, but the idea for this came about at work when my hubby and I were getting cranky over all the robocalls we were getting. Then we mused at the idea of keeping talking to them. Refusing to hang up until they did. That's where the main idea came from. I knew I needed something more to connect the caller and the answering person with and Dena mention she really wanted to use this 82 year old actor we worked with earlier in the year. Then we needed a location and I immediately volunteered Dena's house, lol. This had to be ultra low budget, so that's how it went from idea to story and ultimately specifics of actors and the location.

Yeah, conceptually it works, mainly due to the strong dialogue.

I love the term robocaller as well. I'd never heard of that before. Thankfully, I don't have a landline and frequently change my country of residence so I don't have to deal with them

Quoted from Grandma Bear I hear you and would agree. My intention at the end there was to Make Vernon excited to meet with someone and his call to his son was not at all intended as an Fu. He was just excited to tell him he has something to do tomorrow. We'll see how that actually turned out on film. I'm supposed to go look at a first cut later today. I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't hit the mark. Making films and making them turnout just like you pictured it in your head, is a lot easier said than done.

Yep. True, it will depend on how its delivered on screen. Just on the page, it felt a little "So there "

Quoted from Grandma Bear My thinking about Vernon's isolation was that his wife has passed, so he's alone that way. His son doesn't spend enough time with him because he has a new younger wife and she couldn't care less about him. This was all going to be displayed via photos, but the pics we were given were not right for that explanation. This was the night before the shoot. We could've re-written it to explain better, but when you're working with an older actor like that, there are a lot of things to take into consideration that you normally don't have to on a shoot.

I see. I don't think it really needs to be explicitly mentioned though. I think we can glean enough from his age, environment and demeanour. No harm in letting the audience speculate and make certain assumptions.

Quoted from Grandma Bear If you want a return read, just hit me up. Might be a little while, I'm currently reading Kevin's "leitskev" novel!!! Now that's something to be impressed by.

No worries, I'm not looking for a return read at the moment. Thanks for the offer. That's cool about Kevin. I've read a lot of his screenplay work, very talented writer. Great to hear he's complete a novel, impressive indeed.

Col.

So, I've seen a rough cut of the film. Some of you who read the script had some concerns over the ending especially. My intention with the ending was for Vernon to call his son because he's excited to finally have someone to talk to and meet and not meant as a FU to his son. Well, none of the cuts we got manages to deliver that sense of excitement and does in fact come off as a FU to the son. A retake is not possible, but I've been mulling over what would be the best way to fix this. Possibly just having the line delivered while credits are rolling or maybe while a car is driving away. Any thoughts?

I'm still half asleep so...

Pia, two suggestions: is the FU altogether a wrong thing?
If it is and the tone is all wrong and really spoiling what you intended, and bearing in mind a reshoot is not possible, would your actor be amenable to doing a more upbeat voice over which could run over the end credits instead?

Hmm, seems to be kinda what you've suggested yourself there but how is the tone of the line delivered at the moment? Well, that's obvious cause you said, so is there a way to change the tone with another voice over final line and maybe change the definitive passive agressive 'bye' to 'talk later' or just omit the 'bye''?  

I'm with Libby in wondering if the FU is really a bad thing?

I don't like the FU thing. It's the wrong tone. I wanted this to end on a positive note, not a nasty one.

There are other issues as well. I watched the first rough cut. It was 20 minutes!!! I need this to be more like 10 or at least 15 minutes max. I guess a chainsaw is what we need???

I'm telling you guys, if you don't think filmmakers are turning your scripts into gold, just try making a short film on your own. It's freaking hard!  

I'm not sure what we'll do with the ending. I'm still open for any brilliant ideas.

What do you think about a new voice over at the end?

Quoted from Grandma Bear I don't like the FU thing. It's the wrong tone. I wanted this to end on a positive note, not a nasty one. There are other issues as well. I watched the first rough cut. It was 20 minutes!!! I need this to be more like 10 or at least 15 minutes max. I guess a chainsaw is what we need??? I'm telling you guys, if you don't think filmmakers are turning your scripts into gold, just try making a short film on your own. It's freaking hard!   I'm not sure what we'll do with the ending. I'm still open for any brilliant ideas.

Maybe have some dialogue at the end over black by cutting and pasting to separate dialogue blocks. For example, at the end after the fu dialogue, over black we here a phone being dialed or punched, then the first line of the last call, hi it's me. Cut it there. And then insert a line of dialogue from a previous spot in the film, for example, I'm doing okay. In other words you can create a softer phone call over black at the end by cutting and pasting two unrelated dialog blocks from Vernon earlier in the script. Hope that makes sense

Quoted from LC What do you think about a new voice over at the end?

Can't do that. The man playing Vernon lives like three or four hours away.

Quoted from eldave1 Maybe have some dialogue at the end over black by cutting and pasting to separate dialogue blocks. For example, at the end after the fu dialogue, over black we here a phone being dialed or punched, then the first line of the last call, hi it's me. Cut it there. And then insert a line of dialogue from a previous spot in the film, for example, I'm doing okay. In other words you can create a softer phone call over black at the end by cutting and pasting two unrelated dialog blocks from Vernon earlier in the script. Hope that makes sense

That's a great idea. I need to go over all his dialogue and see what can be used.