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I could easily picture it. Note you've got picture instead of pitcher in a couple spots.
Perhaps the Budweiser/Rose Bud/Citizen Kane reference won't be understood by all. And Rose Bud was his sled anyways, but Rose Bud as simply Rose Bud meaning in the Budweiser beer- ok, but still I don't know about that one. Anyways, everything else is good.
OK, 3 more to go. I'll try and give detailed notes on all 3 of these.
I like the opening Slug but I don't like the line that follows.
As I've mentioned before, when you use descriptors like "young" or "old", it's really impossible to "see" what you're after. If I was in my 20's, what does "young" mean to me? What about if I was in my 50's? You get me?
"...the bar’s flat-screen TV" - We're in a a bar, so "the bar's" is unnecessary. Pretty much all TV's nowadays are flat screen, so again, unnecessary.
Does it matter that the rag is white?
Another damn wrylie! What's with this OWC's obsession with wrylies? And then a bunch more...WTF?
a "picture" of Budweiser? HA!
Page 5 - "Fore" - I think you're looking for a contraction here, 'fore?
Awful lot of dialogue going on. For the most part, it's good, but in places, it feels off. And your contractions aren't spelled correctly at all, which makes one wonder whether or not it's a typo/mistake.
Awful lot of wrylies, too. Just way too many in such a short script.
Page 9 - "Tina at the bar wiping glasses. Amy on a stool in front of her, reaching inside her purse." - Not sure why you chose to write these 2 lines passively? No reason for it.
So...the twist...clever, I guess, but not really believable, but then again, in ROMCOMs, are things supposed to be believable? Nah...not to me. I like the final line and I always appreciate when a writer takes the time to think about such things as tying things back in.
I think this is pretty good. It has humor, it has romance, but it also has a shitload of wrylies, which really take this down a notch.
Holy product placement! Nice little commercial you have here.
I was kind of thinking the same as Mr. Blonde, it would have been better without the next day, but upon reflection the ending does work. Without that ending, I felt bad for Amy getting hitched to this loser. This way, we know that she knows exactly what she's in for.
You should edit out the couple at the start, it's misleading and unnecessary. Melvin was okay, but the comedic effect just isn't there, it needs some punch up. "Picture" instead of "pitcher" was a hard pill to swallow, especially since you did spell it correctly when Tina poured it. I actually thought he wanted a picture of a beer and was in for something zany.
It seems all your chips were on the title, and it just didn't do anything for me. More of a groan than a chuckle, I'm afraid.
Still, a solid entry, one of the better ones. Well done.