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Well, it was a close one... but the Killer Dialogue, September Writer's Choice champ is: none other than Dave Lambertson with:
Score - 4 - Unsaid by David C Lambertson (eldave1) writing as Anonymous - Are things truly better left unsaid? Prompt: You're not the one for me. - Short, Drama
Tied for second place, James and Anthony :
Score - 3.45 - Howard's Jewelry and Loan by James Williams (jwent668 writing as Blank - A boxer pays a visit to his loan shark after being told he has exactly one hour to settle his outstanding debt. Prompt: You have exactly one hour - Short, Crime
Score - 3.45 - Connected by Anthony Cawood (AnthonyCawood) writing as Isaac Asimov - What if the point of singularity has already happened and we just don't know about it. Prompt: You have exactly one hour. - Short, Sci Fi
One for the girls... Taking up third place, good on you, Marnie!
Score - 3.3 - You Can't Force Love by Marnie Mitchell (mmmarnie) writing as Omg Stfu - In search of love, a determined man receives help from a female friend. Prompt: You're not the one for me. - Short, Rom Com
In fourth spot, nice one, Ben!
Score - 3.25 - …For Dummies by Ben Clifford (AlsoBen) writing as Dr. Steven Brule - A couple planning a special evening for their anniversary have exactly one hour until their guest of honor arrives. Prompt: You have exactly one hour. - Short, Rom Com
Some really close scores followed, so in no particular order: -
The Night Siren by John Staats (JEStaats) writing as A True Man's Capote - A man comes to the aid of a desperate woman in need. Prompt: A woman on a ledge. - Short, Crime
Caller Unknown by Warren Duncan (Warren) writing as Anonymous - An emergency call center attendant attempts to talk a young woman off the ledge as she asks him increasingly personal questions. Prompt: Woman on a ledge. - Short, Drama
Spiro by Rob Herzog (Rob) writing as Buster Scruggs - Two loudmouth gangsters die slowly in a room. Prompt: Blood everywhere - Short, Crime
Temptation by Owen Herity (Geezis) writing as Max Pipsy - A man and woman debate the fate of the world in a locked room. Prompt: Things are not what they seem. - Short, Sci Fi
Huberis by Mark Renshaw (markrenshaw) writing as Mean Muddy Funster - A notorious gang leader's self-important is taken down a peg or two when circumstances force him to take a trip in an Uber and he encounters a quirky driver who meticulously obeys the sat nav instructions. Prompt: I just make up these rules, I have no control over them. - Short, Drama
Clean Slate by Claudio Saez (Claudio) writing as Also Blank - Two brothers catch-up after one of them goes to rehab. Prompt: It's a dead end. What now? - Short, Drama
Unlawful Duties by Mark Moore (Irisheyes) writing as Bette Davis - Two dirty cops investigate a Hobo in an alley at what cost? Prompt: It's a dead end. What now? - Short, Thriller
A Very Bad Date by Joe Garza (SPQR) writing as Rocky Custer - A guy's plan to philanderize with his secretary goes awry when his wife shows up -- and then things get much worse. Prompt: Dead person in a room. - Short, Crime
Safety by Rene Claveau (ReneC) writing as Mr. Bond - When a strange package appears at the door, a couple are at odds about what to do with it. Prompt: A mysterious parcel is delivered to your house. - Short, Sci Fi
First Call by Mark Dykshoorn (MarkD) writing as Harry Boesch - A rookie police detective experiences his first crime scene investigation with a seasoned partner. Prompt: Dead person in a room. - Short, Crime
Congrats to Robwith Spiro- a query on this one already. Hope you'll be back for the next OWC.
And special thanks to Greg, Faisal, Jeff, Ghostwriters, Kham, Yuvraj, and anyone else (apologies if I missed you) for contributing to the reading and reviews even though you didn't enter.
I'll admit that I'm pretty bummed Night Siren didn't score better with 100% positive comments but that's what I get for having hopes and dreams. Yeah, I'm a bit shell shocked.
If you would PM me an address where one might receive a standard business envelope about the size and weight and thickness of a very, very detailed, six to eight page, single spaced letter detailing all the reasons you should not be a screenwriter (with footnotes).
Congratulations Dave, very well done. Have to admit I thought your entry was the strongest, just . There were some stories in the challenge I really enjoyed. Mucho kudos to everyone who entered, I thought it was a varied and interesting exercise with some great dialogue and unusual visuals (a Willy Wonka statue made of testicles). Here’s to the next one.
Well done everyone.
If at first you don't succeed........bribe someone.