Sugar Bomb by Mucilaginous Agglutinant - Three kids start their summer off with a bang!  Short, Comedy

Writer,

Overall, I really liked it! I thought it was funny and original. The characters were all likable and I wanted to read more.

In some weird way, this reminds me of the sandlot. Thought you captured their voice just right.
Nothing to nit-pick, just a fun, quirky, and entertaining read.

That aside, the title page gives you away. Regardless, overall, good job! It should be well received.

All the best,

Ghost

This was a nice story. I thought the name of the kid who ratted them out to the authorities to be rather appropriate.

Entertaining, but another where the (tree) house is really not significant to plot. Dialogue was a bit iffy in parts too,  sometimes a bit too adult.

Some nice visuals.

Judas?

Kids will be kids I suppose.

Cute concept - Stand By Me vibes with the opening.

Like LC said, the kids don't consistently talk the way kids would.

Mucilaginous Agglutinant,

Cute story. The treehouse was a bit of a stretch in regards to location, based on the photo provided when the theme was announced. However, I was entertained by the story enough to gloss over that minor detail.

I wasn't sure where the story was gonna go, and honestly, it didn't really go anywhere! Which is fine, because it was just a cute story of boys being boys.

I honestly thought Judas would eat the pop rocks, drink a soda, and become a sugar bomb himself.

Cool title page, too.

Sean

I like this and the kids, well written and funny in parts, but...

Calling him Judas just felt too OTN for kids of that age (imho of course).

And the ending with the Mento's explosion, the Cop just appearing coincidentally at the right moment and JubeJube going through the trapdoor... just felt like the chaotic end to a skit or something.

But the rest of it was good.

Hi Writer

I love me an original title page  

Not much of a story, more of a scene, but an enjoyable read none the less.

Sorry I don't have much more to add.

All the best.

Hey writer (I'm not even gonna bother trying to spell that pseudonym),

This is the first one I've read of the current OWC and it's the best one yet!

Like Matthew, I thought it read as more of a scene that a story but it's still a good scene at that. The writing was quality and you did an excellent job of painting the scene.

Good luck!

This is another cute story that reminds me of Stand By Me, The Sandlot, etc.  Young boys gathering together to wreak havoc, experience angst and generally display 12 year old high jinks.  Well laid out with no technical flaws that I detect.  Fine writing/story-telling on display here, writer.  Who said the "shack" couldn't be up in a tree?  Thanks for sharing this enjoyable read!

M.A. (May I call you M.A.?),

I often wonder if it's enough to write a really good scene in these OWCs...and, I've tried more than once to do it. (Mixed results.)

That's what you've done here: write a really good scene. It's close to a story. Like, there's definitely a story underneath.

The writing was super strong. Loved the characters. Setting was fun. So, good work all around.

Funny, though...I missed having a full story. As in, I was enjoying the appetizer so I wanted the full meal. Perhaps if you had written less skillfully, I would have been happy for it to end.

Hello,

This is a good source of entertainment.

I somehow missed a point of the story. Unless the point is to entertain us with funny dialog.

The dialog was a hoot, very funny. Jube-Jube, Cruise, and Jake - all have definitive personalities and that's huge. 3 kids and all so very different. I could hear them through the things they say - very nice.

Now who would name his kid Judas? I don't think any kind of sane parent would.

anyway, good job. thanks for the entertaining story.

It’s a fun story and it’s well-written but I’m not sure I left with it having left an impression on me – maybe crime doesn’t pay and snitches get stitches?  I liked that the boys got their just desserts and maybe I’m okay with Judas getting his as well. Maybe that’s the issue – there was no one here I particularly liked because they were all a bunch of a-holes to each other.  I really wanted to like the story because the writing is so good. Not sure what to tell you except maybe find some empathy in one of the characters, someone to root for.  Still very good effort here.

I really enjoyed reading this. The writing was a blast. Describing the boys as having Pez heads was brilliant. I also liked the lines "Fugged if I know" and "My skin is falling off." It was also great to have the story end with lots of slurps and noises. An all-around good time.

I kept waiting for the action to move from the tree house to a traditional house.

A fun story. Much has been acknowledge by the readers above.

Enjoyable dialogue (which I didn't think was too adult...have you heard the language of young kids today?!?!). Skilled storytelling. All fun characters.

But I think the ending (pardon the pun) bombed a little—maybe a bigger crime along with the candy theft, and then a much greater karma penalty.

Thanks, fun stuff.