SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
It is August 13th, 2020, 6:23am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship

Scripts Studios are posting for 2019 - 2020 award consideration
Week 5 Scores and Who Wrote What of the
The Writer's Tournament

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the and domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    January 2019 -  One Week Challenge  ›  The Perfect Pair - OWC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    The Perfect Pair - OWC  (currently 1027 views)
Posted: February 8th, 2019, 12:06am Report to Moderator
Old Timer

A helluva long way from LA
Posts Per Day
I wont piggyback on what others' have said...

The dialogue is a few drafts behind the rest of it.  See below:  Grammar and technicalities aside -- it met the parameters.   Check.  The concept was ok, not groundbreaking.  It's been done before.  The ending, meh.  It served its purpose but you're executing it at a surface level.

The whole kitchen scene with Kevin, his mother, and father -- stuff about him still living at home, and them (his parents) approaching the ends of their ropes with his situation.  You maybe reaching for an emotional beat, but I'm not buying it, not even at a dollar store.  Why?  You failed to set it up.  It's clumsy, weak.

But more importantly, you're guilty of a pretty common crime -- and that is -- all scenes are about something or other, and in most scenes people are talking about something or other.

Some writers, MYself included, make a common mistake of having our characters in a scene talk to one another about whatever it is that the scene is about.  Yup, sometimes it's unavoidable but as a rule having characters in the scene talk to one another about whatever the scene is about makes for a very dull on-the-nose scene.

More problems with your MONTAGE;  An employee shines a light on her, tells her to leave. He takes Nicole off Kevin's hand and escorts her out. Kevin mouths "sorry"  Who?  Nicole, or Jill.   Is he really telling a sock to leave????  I'm assuming its Nicole, but... you've got dual possessive determiners right after the other (her).

It can get rather confusing, because it's poorly constructed.

But what do I know -- I'm just a middle-of-the-road screenwriter (ie: not new but not yet pro level).  Kudos for finishing....

"When I dive... I go deep, only to surface the hub when necessary."

Revision History (4 edits; 1 reasons shown)
_ghostwriters  -  February 9th, 2019, 6:07pm
Private Message Reply: 15 - 25
Gary Howell
Posted: February 8th, 2019, 4:42pm Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day
Well, that was something.  Kind of reminded me of the Ryan Gosling Movie “Lars and the Real Girl”. I guess you can have a romance with a sock. Maybe not a healthy one, mind you, but...

Parts of it were funny, parts were groaners. All comedies have your swings and misses as well as the home run.  I feel like this was somewhere in between.  It was an interesting concept and I’d really like to see this cleaned up and worked on a little more and see what you come up. A good effort, but just not quite there yet.


My web site and scripts can be found here:

Gary's web site
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 16 - 25
Posted: February 8th, 2019, 7:31pm Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day
Okay, glad to see I'm not the only one to make the Lars and the Real Girl connection. (Maybe my  favorite movie ever.)

So, as you can see, my sense of humor allows me to hop right on this ride with you and see where you're going.

And, for the most part, I enjoyed the ride.

Definitely needs a cleanup, but everyone else covered the basics, so I won't pile on.

One inconsistency: in the montage, I read it as the movie theater employee escorts Nicole out. If that's the case, I'd suggest changing it. Nicole is real to Kevin (and maybe later, Jill). No other character recognizes her as real, so the employee shouldn't either.

Anyway, I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing.

60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature
The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature

Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 17 - 25
Posted: February 9th, 2019, 8:58am Report to Moderator


Dublin, Ireland, Europe, The World.
Posts Per Day

I enjoyed this. Well done! It's quite funny in parts and meets the requirements set. A few grammatical errors, but that can be cleaned up. All in all, very enjoyable read. Funny and quite oddly romantic.

Good luck with this,

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 18 - 25
Posted: February 10th, 2019, 9:04am Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Cut to three weeks earlier

London, UK
Posts Per Day
Very creative.

The logline suits the story too.

Although this story takes the piss.  I really enjoyed it.

For me this meets the romcom part because of the ending.

I wish more scripts were like this one.

Site Private Message Reply: 19 - 25
Posted: February 10th, 2019, 4:39pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while

Posts Per Day
Hi Writer,

Haha, this one was a crazy ride.

Some nitpicky comments:

Quoted Text
Wow someone is a good mood.

Wow, someone is "in" a good mood.

Quoted Text
Had a good night son.

A question??

Quoted Text
Jill puts her hand in her purse. Everyone looks on puzzled.
She pulls out her own sock puppet... a large black sock
complete with google eyes, a stuck on goatee and a small red

I think you should introduce the name of the puppet, Arnold, here.

Definitively a rom-com. It had humor, romance and the premise was original, something different...

The dialogue was on the nose and the script may benefit from an edit, but I enjoyed the read.

The ending was expected but I liked it anyway.

Overall - a good story, and one worth working on further.

Good job!

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 20 - 25
Posted: February 13th, 2019, 3:44pm Report to Moderator
OWC Moderator

Vancouver, BC
Posts Per Day
This feels like a rushed entry, but maybe that's just your particular style...

I love the opening. It's visual and outrageous. It's hilarious. I was on board for a fun ride. Maybe if the whole world didn't take the sock thing seriously, it would have been. One person at work, fine, but when a random theater employee treats the sock like a real person, the comedy is lost. Kevin is the one who should have been thrown out, maybe he offers to give up Nicole, driving a further wedge between them.

But there's another problem with that whole section of the script. For someone who is so attached to Nicole in the beginning, he sure is quick to toss her aside. There's no competition on his date, the sock is just a third wheel. If anything, that's where Kevin should have been struggling, and Peggy's tolerance of the sock should have brought ample opportunity for some better laughs with that struggle. But he seems to all but forget Nicole is even there. If Nicole had been the protagonist, that could have actually worked, and it would have strengthened the ending too, but that's not the way you went.

As for that ending, it's a little too dark for the warmth to come through. Nicole is either way too personified or Kevin is genuinely insane for the syringe to come into play. If you'd step back from going that far off the rails, it's a touching moment that should have come earlier, like at the end of the date, and the ending be a double-date of sorts, or maybe the socks produce a little bootie, an announcement of a baby but for the socks that is their baby. There are plenty of ways to do it differently, this wasn't it.

I love the premise, it deserves a rework.

Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 21 - 25
Grandma Bear
Posted: February 13th, 2019, 9:06pm Report to Moderator
God of the SimplyScriptsVerse

The Swamp...
Posts Per Day
I thought this was pretty funny. More comedy than romcom,  but the rom in the com showed up later on, so...

Have you ever seen Lars and the real girl? I loved that film. If I was going to write something for this OWC I would have used a none human as the love object too.

Lots of typos or grammar errors , but I could easily ignore those.

I thought you did well with this one. Would be easy to shoot too. Wouldn’t be surprised if someone asks you for permission.

You would have got high marks from me.

Private Message Reply: 22 - 25
Posted: February 13th, 2019, 9:56pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Posts Per Day
This struck me as more absurd comedy than real romcom but I kinda liked it.

Made me laugh, some of the imagery conjured up by the socks would be funny on screen and just the central idea struck a chord.

Nice work.

Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays -
Available Feature screenplays -
Screenwriting articles -
IMDB Link -
Logged Online
Site Private Message Reply: 23 - 25
Posted: February 14th, 2019, 4:46pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while

at my desk
Posts Per Day
Okay, for what it’s worth, this was very silly. And silly translates to comedy in my book.

Surely this is not perfect in a long shot.  A few rewrites down the line this could easily get produced.  Yes, really.  Jim  Carrey made a lot of crazy ass movies like this.

As far as this contest, it does fall a little short.  But, hell, it made me laugh. A lot.

Good job  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 24 - 25
irish eyes
Posted: February 20th, 2019, 8:04pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer

There`s too much blood in my alcohol

Upstate New York
Posts Per Day
Thanks to everyone that liked The Perfect Pair!

I had a blast writing it and even managed to keep the tone of the humor down enough to be enjoyed and not disgusted

I'm glad the majority concentrated on the story and not my usual poor grammar. I received a lot of great notes and for sure, they will used. I think this is a short I can work with.

Thanks Again

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 25 - 25
 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    January 2019 -  One Week Challenge  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006

*No, it isn't