Quoted from Mr.Z Hey Col, Just finished this. And I think it was well written in the sense that it's exactly what you wanted it to be. A drama about likable characters with some touching moments and a sad ending. You had me with the fake heart attack and then the twist. I don't have a problem with the ending being a downer, but I do have a nitpick about it. Personally, I like tragic endings that tie to an overarching theme somehow. Like, the character has a flaw he can't overcome so he meets a fatal fate, making the story a cautionary tale. Here (unless I missed something, which I do a lot, especially with dramas), the protagonist's fate seems to be the result of chance; a couple of junkies happened to rob his store that day. It's believable; that's life, this kind of shit happens everyday. My point is, the difference between a sad story and a sad event you read on the news is that the story usually makes a point (theme) with its tragic ending. And in this tale, while well written, that additional layer of the tragic outcome seems to be missing. But hey, just one guy's opinion. Just throwing it out there in case it's useful. Well done, though. And best of luck with it.

- Thanks for the taking the time, Matias.

You bring up a very valid point and I can't argue with it but yes I was going for the more straight tragic narrative. Good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people...plus the other two options

This was very much about a series of events, small moments, some well intention-ed, some misguided, some seemingly insignificance which when connected, ultimately lead to a tragic conclusion.

Jim deciding to put out the "Everything must go" sign which piques the interest of the two guys passing by, to Chris's jacket falling off the chair which makes him forget it so he ends up having to come back thus interrupting the robbery, to Jim faking a heart attack which inadvertently sends the two guys on a collision course with his weak-hearted wife.

It was all to give a sense of "sh?t happens" in the most unlikeliest ways but I hoped the reader would have enough invested in the characters to add weight to the nature of the tragedy. To let you see the process happen without it feeling contrived or mechanical as if its merely designed with the sole intent to depress you. It was all about striking that balance between random coincidences and a natural if somewhat disparate chain of occurrences. That you could believe something like this could happen.

I always wanted Jim to be an all around good guy who, like us all, is powerless to the indiscriminate wheel of chance. Inserting some character flaw to justify his ordeal would have betrayed what I was going for. However, like I said at the top, I totally see where you are coming from too.

So it probably won't surprise you that I don't believe in a grand cosmic design, an interventionist supreme being or karma. In my experience, what goes around certainly doesn't always come around. It often stays going

Thanks again for your thoughts.

Col.