Yeah, the link seems fine.

Btw, Colonel, have you thought about changing the title of the script to something maybe a little more catchy? The script is great but the title lacks a little imo. I have no idea what a new title could be, just wondering if it has crossed your mind.

Thanks guys for checking.

Just tried again and it seems to be working fine now.

Rendevous

Thanks for taking the time to re-read, much appreciated. I'm glad you found the new draft an improvement over the previous one.

Just to touch on some of the points you made:

"A small arsy point - but you don't need a page number on your first page."

-- Maybe I'm misreading you here, just to clarify; Are you referring to the title page as being the first page or the first page of the actual script/story itself?

In any case my understanding is that the title page is not numbered (which it isn't) and the opening page of the actual script does (which it does) I think you may have been thrown off by the fact that the logline on this discussion board says (11 pages) which was the length of the original draft. However, the new draft is a page longer.

"Another - I'm not sure you need all these moments later, minutes later slug endings are necessary. I understand they're more for the reader but they'd be difficult to show on film.
I've been reading up on it. I'm just sticking with LATER for now. At least until I hear different from someone wiser than I."

-- By all means, stick to what works for you. True, the "minutes later" slugs can't be conveyed on screen all of the time, its just personally I like to let the reader of the script know where they are chronologically during any given sequence of scenes. It's not essential just a preference of mine. I used to only use "Day", "Night" and "Later" before but I found them too vague and unspecific for my tastes. Also, for a script like "Golden Years" which takes place over the course of one day, I deemed it helpful, if not exactly necessary to let the reader know what part of the day a certain scene is taking place in relation to the ones before and after it. Again, something like this down to personal choice.

"You told us the name in the slug, you don't need to repeat it here."

-- True, I'll probably change the slugline to "Shop", as oppose the changing the line of descriptive you quoted. So to give the impression the title of the shop is revealed just as Jim raises the shutters.

"Euros. Are we in Ireland?" -- It can be, whatever works for you. I envisaged any number of small traditional European towns could be associated to this particular place. That's why I tend to leave locale (and character) descriptions open, just the bare essentials, so not to be restricting ones vision of interpretation when imagining the location. I understand the need to have a certain amount of detail sometimes, especially if it has a significant influence over the script, this is both the case with  physical character and location information, not the case here i feel.

I've noticed that most who have read this (that’s most mind you, not all) have their on idea of what this town is like or know of a place like it and can apply Jim's habitat to it, and tha’ts perfectly fine with me, in fact I encourage it.

"Classic 1930’s jazz plays lightly overhead" - I like the music choice, very fitting, not sure the 'overhead' is necessary."

-- Yeah, I could phrase this it differently, I was trying to indicate that it was playing on the shop's stereo and not some overdubbed score cue.

"I note you're sticking with the original plot. Fair enough. I'd have preffered not to have know what Pete & Eddie were. I thought a bit of mystery for them would have been better IMH. Especially of their dialogue had been more ambiguous."

-- Jeff (Dreamscale) had the same complaint, which I explained to him the best I could in one of the above posts. I see your point all the same, I decided to go with them as straight forward, up to no good trouble makers. As I said in a previous post, the mystery and revelation lies elsewhere in the script, not in the two guys. Their intentions are clear from the outset, I didn't want to mislead the reader in any way with them. It’s the consequences of their actions among others that results in the dramatic and unforeseen conclusion, I attempted to conjure.

"Only one niggle with it - wouldn't the guys in the shop notice the incident that happens just up the road?"

-- I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean by this. What incident up the road are you talking about??

"Another small point. I'd have clarified what the "“Everything Must Go" in the car near the end actually was. I got it, but I think some would miss it."

-- Correct, the word "sign" is missing after "Everything Must Go", well spotted.

"I can't recall seeing a slug ending with same before. Please elaborate."

-- I've seen it used a number of times. It basically indicates the two scenes are running concurrently with one another. Again, this cannot be always effectively conveyed on screen but I include it assist the reader. It may work for some, not for others.

Thanks again for your comments, suggestion, questions and criticisms, all taken on board, cheers.


Sniper

I agree with you on this, Robert. I’ve given it some thought in the past but decided to leave it since the title quotes the caption written on the calendar by Nora. In terms of a caption I think it works fine, so on that basis I left it as it is. I could always change somewhere down the line in the midst of revisions/rewrites and that. Thank you for the suggestion.


Kaycee

Thanks for expressing interest in this. Yeah, the link works fine for me too. Sometimes, it depends on what computer you're working on, the link might need to be saved before being opened.

Either way, if you get around to reading it, I hope you enjoy it, take care.

Col.

Col, Rendevous is correct.  You don't want to number your first page.  Sure it counts as page 1, but you don't start your numbering until page 2.

Funny, Rendevous and I had a similar discussion about slugs a few days ago.  Glad you are on board with slugs that contain as much info as possible to help the reader along.  We may be two of the last of a dying breed.

Jeff

A big fat "oh!" out of me in regard to this issue. I never knew that about the numbering, seems a little odd. Do you know why that is the case?

Yeah I see informative slugs as been the way to go both with the location and time...all within reason of course.

Quoted from Dreamscale You don't want to number your first page.  Sure it counts as page 1, but you don't start your numbering until page 2.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 A big fat "oh!" out of me here on this issue. I never knew that about the numbering, seems a little odd. Do you know why this is the case?

Yeah, I never heard of that before either. Why wouldn't you want to number page 1 (not the title page)?

Please don't say "because that's what The Screenwriter's Bible says".

Not sure about the why's exactly, but page 1 is so obvious, it doesn't need to be numbered...not that that's a reason or anything.  I think you'll find this "rule" on just about any screenwriting info page.

Keep the slugs full, brother!!!  It may be up to you and I at this point.  Never surrender...never say die...UP THE IRONS!!!!!!

Quoted from Dreamscale Not sure about the why's exactly, but page 1 is so obvious, it doesn't need to be numbered...not that that's a reason or anything.  I think you'll find this "rule" on just about any screenwriting info page.

But isn't page 2 also pretty obvious?  

It's definitely a rule I'll be breaking with a smile on my face.

No, page 2 is not as obvious, as page 1 is the only page in the script that won't have a number in the top right corner.

Sniper, you rebel, you!  Damn, man, you may just be worse than me, even.  Do you over-ride your sfotware to put "Page 1" in your script?

You know of the rule about what you have to do on page 54, if you have the phrase "splendidly unsplendid", anywhere on teh page, right?

Quoted from Dreamscale You know of the rule about what you have to do on page 54, if you have the phrase "splendidly unsplendid", anywhere on teh page, right?

That I should stop writing, like, forever? Cos' clearly I wouldn't be any good at it.

Exactly!  Or, it could mean to immediately press "DELETE" and start over.

Yep, its definitely one of the strangest "rules" I've come across yet. Blatant numerical boycotting I say, of page 1s across the screenplay world!

They should take Field, Mckee and any other other format nazi's out there and have them up in court for counts of opening page hate crimes, discrimination and downight negligence.

They introduce the reader to the story, they can make or break a script, set the tone, the mood, contain the pretentious, ponderous attention grabbing, self indulgent, 40,000 extras required opening shot for christ sake!

To all abandoned, numberless page 1s out there, this is call to arms, revolt!

Colonel,

I did say is was a small arsy point. We can always revolt, number our first page as 12 then just pick random numbers for all the other pages.

That teach them Hollywood basterds  

The incident I meant was the car incident with the junkies. Just a thought that occured at the time. Anyways, enjoyable script, with our without that '1'.

Rendevous

"The incident I meant was the car incident with the junkies"

Yes, but Chris and Jim do react and come out of the shop, however its too late, Peter and Eddie are already halfway up the street. They can't pursue them as Nora is in obvious difficulty. The preceding sequence with Nora, Peter and Eddie happens in a matter of seconds, plus Jim keeps up the act of having a heart attack for a bit after the two Leave the shop just in case they were to come back.

In my head it seems to work out sequentially, the timing and that but I'll have another look at it, I may not have written it clearly enough for the reader.


And yeah, fu?k the passing over of page 1. Like Sniper, I'm gonna give it the credit it deserves...a number on the top right it can call its very own! [insert Braveheart-esque war crying smiley here]

Thanks again for your input.

Col.

C'mon you rebels.  No reason to over-ride your software, just to have a "1" in your upper right hand corner of page 1.  Just obey the rule and don't include it.

Col, doesn't your software automatically skip page 1?  I'm surprised if it odesn't or at least give you that option.