Quoted from jwent6688 I listened to the Babz interview. I really liked it. I agree with michael where as i do believe she's talking about serious writing for features. I agree with what she had to say. This short has no chance of anything besides being a film school students project.

Don't knock film students.  When starting out, you need film students.  And film students need the new writer.

Once you get a couple of film student reels, you can start looking elsewhere to get your work produced.  Getting something on your resume is the most important thing right now.


Phil

Definitely not knocking. Hoping. I agree that's a great way to get your name out a bit. Something this site has taught me. I was just saying to screen, that's why I wrote something this odd. A film school student isn't afraid to offend. I like that.

I'm following your footsteps master...

James

WTF, you guys?  Seriously...what's going on here?

A script is a script.  If someone wants to put it to film, great.  If not, great.  We write because we have something to say, right?

Geez!!!!!

Whatever happened to "He who smelt it, dealt it?"  Not in this story.  It's funny how Jon turned cropdusting into his reason for living.  I really got the feeling this guy was sort of pathological about blowin gas.  Gonna have to look that up in the psyche books, maybe that's a real thing.

This was funny, but at nine pages it did feel padded.  Too much VO and OS at the beginning.  I think you could have set the stage better and more efficiently if you just showed Jon do his thing in the copy room, sit back and watch his boss gag.  Then a quick VO like,  My name is Jon.  I cropdust.

The flashback was unnecessary, IMO.  Didn't add too much to the story, and if you cut it, you would save about a page and a half.

I did like the Grand Poobah.  I honestly thought you were setting him up for a gigantic, Mt. St. Helens explosion that'd blow his pants off, but I  liked how you handled the montage.  One thing about the last shot with the cleaning lady.  I thought it would have been funnier if she walks in the elevator and just faints dead away as the doors close behind her.

So, this one has some laugh out loud moments, but needs some tightening.  It feels a bit...bloated.  

Ryan,

Thanks for the read. Jon is pretty sick lil' Fucker, as his mom puts it.  I do like the flashbacks. They just add a bit of comedy, not story. Though he does say he fell in love with this art form in high school. I like those scenes.

As far as the exploding pants, love that. Was originally gonna set him up to shit himself at the office when the boss locks the office bathrooms on purpose. Still could be a thought.

Thanks for the read and comments. I see B&D is up. Looks good. Good job with that.

James

Quoted from Dreamscale A script is a script.  If someone wants to put it to film, great.  If not, great.  We write because we have something to say, right?

There's a little more to it than that. I want to make a living out of writing.  And when I read someone else's script, I think he's doing the same thing and wants the serious feedback.


Phil

Sure, Phil, I'm sure we all do in some way or another.  I doubt student films are what's going to push any of us over the edge, though.  You know?

Believe it or not James Cameron doesn't look for scripts here. Film students and they are the stepping stone to commercial films. They create something to put on your resume.

Who do you think a filmmaker will consider first when looking at query letters?  The writer who has fifty scripts?  Or the writer who has fifty scripts, five of which were produced?


Phil

I do believe it, Phil.  I think Mr. Cameron writes his own scripts these days.

I think a film maker will choose whichever script is best for the genre he's looking at.

I don't think it matters at all if someone has 50 crap scripts turned into 50 crap movies from 50 crap student film makers, personally.

The inventive use of a fart. That's highly enjoyable as fas as i am concerned.

but what I got to know James is when I was reading this I got a weird sense that your story had a spiderman vibe happening, what with the dweeb who has a super talent to have an impact on people's lives. the sudden loss of that power causes our hero to despair for a bit. (Spider-man 2) The Peter Parker type voice over and finally the "with great power comes great irratbility" line.

Was this your intention? Where you wrapping your one hit fart joke in a piss take on the Spiderman movies? That's the impression I got and made it all the more funny for myself.    

Quoted from tonkatough Was this your intention? Where you wrapping your one hit fart joke in a piss take on the Spiderman movies? That's the impression I got and made it all the more funny for myself.

Ha! wish i could've been that brilliant. The one line is a shot at spiderman. I'm actually a fan of the first two films. i never realized how close this story actually was to that. Very intuitive Tonka.

Glad you liked it. I just think potty humor is hilarious... and always will. Thanks for the read.

James

Quoted from tonkatough The inventive use of a fart.

I can actually open stuck jars with my farts.  And program Tivo.

Swear to God.


Phil

Well I'm pleased to hear that Phil as it means you will never have to fart in vain.

Quoted from dogglebe I can actually open stuck jars with my farts.  And program Tivo.

Now that's disgusting...

Quoted from tonkatough Well I'm pleased to hear that Phil as it means you will never have to fart in vain.

Yeah, but there's a lot of open jars in my house.


Phil