The Cropduster by James Williams (jwent668 - Short, Comedy - A disgusting prankster finds that growing up can be a bit of a stinker. 9 pages - pdf, format

James,

You really raised the bar for yourself by writing "So Pretty".  That was a great script.
And now you're reduced yourself to...this?   A bad executive decision, IMO.


EDIT:

James,

You're a well-respected member of SS so I feel I owe you an explanation for the motive behind my above comment.  After hearing Babz's podcast I'm determined to ramp up my own game.   From now on in every script I read I ask myself does this meet "Babz's criteria for what makes a good script?"  This one clearly does not.

Don't listen to him. I loved it.  

You could up the ante a bit more like maybe make us aware of the boss trying to catch him but it's pretty good as it is.  

You also should format your montage more clearly.  

Other than that - nice (or as we say in Oz - noice)

Quoted from mcornetto Don't listen to him. I loved it.

To each his/her own.  

I breezed through it, nice short, I think.

Jon is a great character, I think, but the boss finding out so easily makes Jon look not very smart - and since Jon developed the love for this "art form" in highschool he had to progress since then in somewhat like a genious in the field. That was a bit of a let down for me.

Hi James,

Overall I enjoyed this piece, but it seems it took a bit too long to get to the......not so satisfying ending.

The first few scenes are interesting, as we got to see how Jon went about his deeds. And the high school scenes gave us some reasons and background of Jon. But I wished you can played out why Jon liked this activity in high school. What made him do that in the first place?

Maybe you can push up the part where Jon lost his ability. That way we got to see the complications sooner and anticipated how Jon will achieve it back. The rest of the scenes and the montage gave me a slight chuckle.

I loved the scene between Walter and Jon. Great tension there. But then Jon just got fired and that's it? A person got fired for farting in the office? That's the first time I've heard. Maybe Jon can retaliate by farting in front of Walter's face. That might be too disgusting but it'll keep the same tone of your script.

There is very good writing in there. Spotted "You're fired" not "Your fired". An example of good writing that lifts the script from an okay story.

I enjoyed it. Good job.

Herman

James, my man, this script fits in nicely with Cleveland.

I actually thought it was funny in a number of places, but then again, it reminds me of my friends and I growing up...even in our 20's.

I don't think the writing is good at all.  Way too many V.O.'s.  Some go on for almost 1/2 a page with nothing happening on screen.  Lots of clunky lines.  Just too much rambling around for me.

I definitely chuckled a few times, and you brought a smile to my face, so thank you!

I thought this was cute, though I had a problem with a lack of motivation on Jon's part. Why does he do what he does.  He turned farting into an art form. Why?  I understand that he's supposed to be immature, but still...

Other than this problem, it was a creative and enjoyable. Good work.


Phil

EDIT: Damn, forgot to thanks the Don for posting. Thank you sire. Thanks you much...




Screen, Thanks for the read. Sorry it was below your standards. Also, thanks for the invaluable input as to how to make this better. Er... not.

I knew I would catch some flak for this one. Not everybody's bag. But, to me at least, a guy who farts in the fridge at work??? Friggin' hilarious...


Cornetto, Glad this wasn't below your standards. I was gonna lengthen this, have a bit more cat and mouse between him and the boss, but i wanted to keep it under ten pages.

Quoted from mcornetto You also should format your montage more clearly.

First time I ever tried one. Is ther a thread that discusses them. Like to get it right.

Thanks again, James

Khamanna, thanks for the read. Sorry you didn't like that Jon got caught. IMO he's pretty disgusting and unlikeable. i wanted him to get nailed.

Quoted from Coding Herman What made him do that in the first place?

I could have visited that, though i did make him seem like a loner. And his mother was not so loving.

Quoted from Coding Herman But then Jon just got fired and that's it? A person got fired for farting in the office?

To me it was about him finally getting caught after all of these years. He deserved it. Purposely farting in front of clients may get you fired. I pictured Walter as the owner. Fire who he wants. Glad you got some chuckles out of it.

Quoted from Dreamscale James, my man, this script fits in nicely with Cleveland.

How dare you.  

Glad you liked it mostly Jeff. I've read some of these (V.O.) shorts. I know they can be annoying. I think it would make a funny little film. Cheers from C-town...

James

Quoted from dogglebe it was a creative and enjoyable. Good work. Phil

Take that SCREEN! This is going on my coffee mug.

Glad you liked it Phil, to be honest, thought you would be disgusted by it. As for his motivations? Never really thought about it. Just rushed to the end. Wanted to keep it short. Thanks for the read.

James

I think that the reason why I didn't not like it is because you did more than just farts jokes.  You went a little further with it.  Gave it some thought.  Jon's technique was funny, not the farting, itself.


Phil

Quoted from dogglebe I think that the reason why I didn't not like it is because you did more than just farts jokes.  You went a little further with it.  Gave it some thought.  Jon's technique was funny, not the farting, itself. Phil

I have to agree.  It is definitely the situation the fart is in rather than the fart itself which is funny.  Farts on their own are  no laughing matter.  They are very serious indeed.

Quoted from jwent6688 Screen, Thanks for the read. Sorry it was below your standards. Also, thanks for the invaluable input as to how to make this better. Er... not.

And this is the thanks I get for trying to help?   ...sarcasm?
How dare you >

Quoted from screenrider You're a well-respected member of SS so I feel I owe you an explanation for the motive behind my above comment.  After hearing Babz's podcast I'm determined to ramp up my own game.   From now on in every script I read I ask myself does this meet "Babz's criteria for what makes a good script?"  This one clearly does not.

Just one thing here.  This is a short and as such a completely different market than features. It doesn't live by the same rules. Even features have different markets.  The market Babz was talking about was Hollywood/TV - neither of which I think James was aiming at with this short.  You gotta keep things in perspective mate.

Quoted from screenrider And this is the thanks I get for trying to help?   ...sarcasm? How dare you >

I don't get how you helped at all. I appreciate any reads. Bad or good. You just basically said this wasn't good enough. At least everyone else noted an aspect of the script that could be better.

I listened to the Babz interview. I really liked it. I agree with michael where as i do believe she's talking about serious writing for features. I agree with what she had to say. This short has no chance of anything besides being a film school students project.

I'm happy with that. I'd love to see it on film. With my name as the writer. I just like to write to entertain. If you've got serious problems with this story, other then you just don't like it, I'd love to hear them. I'd be thankful for your input.

As I said before, I knew this wouldn't be for everyone. And I always appreciate a read my friend.

James

Quoted from jwent6688 I listened to the Babz interview. I really liked it. I agree with michael where as i do believe she's talking about serious writing for features. I agree with what she had to say. This short has no chance of anything besides being a film school students project.

Don't knock film students.  When starting out, you need film students.  And film students need the new writer.

Once you get a couple of film student reels, you can start looking elsewhere to get your work produced.  Getting something on your resume is the most important thing right now.


Phil

Definitely not knocking. Hoping. I agree that's a great way to get your name out a bit. Something this site has taught me. I was just saying to screen, that's why I wrote something this odd. A film school student isn't afraid to offend. I like that.

I'm following your footsteps master...

James

WTF, you guys?  Seriously...what's going on here?

A script is a script.  If someone wants to put it to film, great.  If not, great.  We write because we have something to say, right?

Geez!!!!!

Whatever happened to "He who smelt it, dealt it?"  Not in this story.  It's funny how Jon turned cropdusting into his reason for living.  I really got the feeling this guy was sort of pathological about blowin gas.  Gonna have to look that up in the psyche books, maybe that's a real thing.

This was funny, but at nine pages it did feel padded.  Too much VO and OS at the beginning.  I think you could have set the stage better and more efficiently if you just showed Jon do his thing in the copy room, sit back and watch his boss gag.  Then a quick VO like,  My name is Jon.  I cropdust.

The flashback was unnecessary, IMO.  Didn't add too much to the story, and if you cut it, you would save about a page and a half.

I did like the Grand Poobah.  I honestly thought you were setting him up for a gigantic, Mt. St. Helens explosion that'd blow his pants off, but I  liked how you handled the montage.  One thing about the last shot with the cleaning lady.  I thought it would have been funnier if she walks in the elevator and just faints dead away as the doors close behind her.

So, this one has some laugh out loud moments, but needs some tightening.  It feels a bit...bloated.  

Ryan,

Thanks for the read. Jon is pretty sick lil' Fucker, as his mom puts it.  I do like the flashbacks. They just add a bit of comedy, not story. Though he does say he fell in love with this art form in high school. I like those scenes.

As far as the exploding pants, love that. Was originally gonna set him up to shit himself at the office when the boss locks the office bathrooms on purpose. Still could be a thought.

Thanks for the read and comments. I see B&D is up. Looks good. Good job with that.

James

Quoted from Dreamscale A script is a script.  If someone wants to put it to film, great.  If not, great.  We write because we have something to say, right?

There's a little more to it than that. I want to make a living out of writing.  And when I read someone else's script, I think he's doing the same thing and wants the serious feedback.


Phil

Sure, Phil, I'm sure we all do in some way or another.  I doubt student films are what's going to push any of us over the edge, though.  You know?

Believe it or not James Cameron doesn't look for scripts here. Film students and they are the stepping stone to commercial films. They create something to put on your resume.

Who do you think a filmmaker will consider first when looking at query letters?  The writer who has fifty scripts?  Or the writer who has fifty scripts, five of which were produced?


Phil

I do believe it, Phil.  I think Mr. Cameron writes his own scripts these days.

I think a film maker will choose whichever script is best for the genre he's looking at.

I don't think it matters at all if someone has 50 crap scripts turned into 50 crap movies from 50 crap student film makers, personally.

The inventive use of a fart. That's highly enjoyable as fas as i am concerned.

but what I got to know James is when I was reading this I got a weird sense that your story had a spiderman vibe happening, what with the dweeb who has a super talent to have an impact on people's lives. the sudden loss of that power causes our hero to despair for a bit. (Spider-man 2) The Peter Parker type voice over and finally the "with great power comes great irratbility" line.

Was this your intention? Where you wrapping your one hit fart joke in a piss take on the Spiderman movies? That's the impression I got and made it all the more funny for myself.    

Quoted from tonkatough Was this your intention? Where you wrapping your one hit fart joke in a piss take on the Spiderman movies? That's the impression I got and made it all the more funny for myself.

Ha! wish i could've been that brilliant. The one line is a shot at spiderman. I'm actually a fan of the first two films. i never realized how close this story actually was to that. Very intuitive Tonka.

Glad you liked it. I just think potty humor is hilarious... and always will. Thanks for the read.

James

Quoted from tonkatough The inventive use of a fart.

I can actually open stuck jars with my farts.  And program Tivo.

Swear to God.


Phil

Well I'm pleased to hear that Phil as it means you will never have to fart in vain.

Quoted from dogglebe I can actually open stuck jars with my farts.  And program Tivo.

Now that's disgusting...

Quoted from tonkatough Well I'm pleased to hear that Phil as it means you will never have to fart in vain.

Yeah, but there's a lot of open jars in my house.


Phil

Quoted from dogglebe Yeah, but there's a lot of open jars in my house. Phil

You'll have to learn to fart them closed.

Hey James.

Maybe the lavatorial humor appeals to us Brits, but I found this BLOODY FUNNY. In the vein of Bottom, Men Behaving Badly or even Benny Hill.

A few technical bits and bobs (small typo's and the montage ) but all in all good stuff.

I think I noted a slight change in your style for this, and that's great. Shows you're wanting to improve by stretching yourself!

As has been said, the ending was a bit rushed, but we've all been there, trying to write a meaningful piece with an eye on another guy's budget.

With regard to other comments, My take on comedy writing is that it's serious stuff, but the content of the script should not be viewed as such. I like the 'parody on life' approach, leaving me (and others) thinking, "Shoot, I wish I could've done that!"

All the best with it.

Martin.

James,

I liked it. I chortled a few times. Fart jokes always seem to hit us guys as funny, no matter how old we are.

The use of OS was distracting because I couldn't picture what was going on in the scene. I recommend this piece have more conflict between Jon and Walter. Jon as the crop duster artiste and Walter as the boss who's trying actively to identify him and stop him.

The high school scene was obviously a flashback but took me a second or two to be sure. No one else commented on it so just an FYI. Your montage was off a tad as MC mentioned.

Your last line was incorrect "Whom I kidding"  should be "Who am I kidding?" At least , I think so, without checking my grammar guide.

Look forward to more stuff from you.

Gary

Martin, Thanks for the read. Glad you liked it. It's not without flaws. My first shot at a montage. Need to study up a bit on that. Good to see we have simlilar tastes in humor.

Keep at it good man...

Gary,

Thanks for the feedback. The (V.O.) and (O.S.) does make it a tough read. I knew exactly where I wanted to take the reader. Maybe needs a revisit to work  on the. Glad you chortled.

You're correct about the last line too... Thanks...

James

You also wrote "So PrettY"?  Well, this story definitely shows that you can be quite diversified in your scripts.

Usually not into fart jokes, but your usage of a kind of anti-Spider-Man was quite funny.  I also loved the scene in high school.  It reminds of when my school served quirt a spicy chili which resulted in students and teachers alike accidentally letting out silent and deadly bombs.  Though some of them weren't so silent.

I get the idea that John is a budding super-villain who fancies this "power over men," such as it is.  The scenario where he panics about not being able to fart was priceless.

And the part where he wishes he wouldn't talk to himsef made me break up.  I usually dislike scripts in which the main characters uses a voice-over to describe the film's events.  I always felt that their talking to themselves was a form of mental illness.  You burst that bubble beautifully.  Bravo.

I would show the office workers and clients at the beginning instead of reading their O.S. remarks.  Seeing a client gag while a co-workef pretends nothing is wrong could make the script funnier.

Richard,

Thanks for the read. Guess this is a good time to give this a guilty bump back to the top of the portal.

Glad you liked it. If I were to expand on this I would have a bit more cat and mouse between Jon and his boss in the office. I think that could be good fun.

I try to picture this on film. The cleaning lady being (O.S.) in the elevator was brought up in a gripe. I think it's funnier.

As well as Jon sitting in his cubicle listening to the reactions he's caused. Just what works for me in my mind.

Glad you liked, Thanks for the read.

James

Hey James,

Well, I've never heard it being referred to as cropdusting, that's funny.

I also liked this script, but I have a couple questions:

Why is Jon targeting his boss? Is it just for the fun of it or did his boss not give him the raise he wanted?

I also wondered about his mother, why she acted like she hated him, but made the gas-producing foods for him anyway. It seemed strange to me.

Now, throwing in my two cents:

I don't think you even need his mother in here. You could just show him making different foods, and saying how well each one worked out.

I also think that the situation between Walter and Jon could be played out a lot more, and I think that Jon should get caught, maybe Walter takes a direct hit??? Maybe while eating???

Anyway, I did like it though. Made me smile.

Let me know if you do a rewrite.

Cindy

James,

This was a pretty gnarly piece. It's funny, though, because we can all relate to it (well, I can, at least)...To the cropdusting part, that is (not the whole consequence part). I saw a typo or two somewhere, but nothing too important, really. One thing that bothered me, though, was the way Jon's mom spoke to him. If she's going to cuss at him, we should know a little bit about her. I mean, Jon is informing us of his life through V.O.'s, so he can at least explain why she may be in a pissy mood? Did she divorce? Is she naturally a potty-mouth? It's just that tiny bit, though, so nothing too big, but it was just kind of out of place, you know? Maybe I'm just crazy. Or maybe it's because my mom doesn't talk to me like that.

Anyways, great job.

Sean

Cindy, Thanks for reading. See you've got your revised version of your feature up. If I get some time soon, I'll take a look at it. I'm glad you liked it overall.

Quoted from CindyLKeller Why is Jon targeting his boss? Is it just for the fun of it or did his boss not give him the raise he wanted?

I didn't really picture him targetting his boss more then anyone else in the office. He's just a sicko. Loves to watch people gag when they inhale his little secrets.

Quoted from CindyLKeller I also wondered about his mother, why she acted like she hated him, but made the gas-producing foods for him anyway. It seemed strange to me.

I pictured him coming from some type of broken home. An isolated weirdo. Mom's a foul mouthed and hard on him.

Quoted from CindyLKeller I also think that the situation between Walter and Jon could be played out a lot more, and I think that Jon should get caught, maybe Walter takes a direct hit??? Maybe while eating???

Others have said he same. More cat an mouse between jon and his boss at the office could be fun. Not gonna rewrite this one right a way. I wanted to keep it under 10 pages for now. I may expand on it a bit.

Thanks for reading.


Sean, Thanks for reading. AS I responded to Cindy, wanted Mom to come off a bit of a back ass country twat. Probably hard on her son. Who's already a bit of a wimp. Probably why he likes getting back at everybody else this way, but I didn't get into it.

I did read dispatch a while back. I liked it. Just felt anything i would've said, has already been covered. So sorry that I didn't post anything. I think it could've been shortened a bit, but like I said, was covered. Thanks for reading...

James

To see a female cropduster make a minor appearance, stay tuned for my bad-taste sci-fi script Samson and Minerva.  Kind of like Sapphire and Steel meets Monty Python.

James

I got more then a few chuckles out of this, you write good comedy, James (or at least the kind of humour I respond to) Some great one liners in there. Now, I’m going to completely contradict myself here and say I don’t really go for gross out comedies, which I don’t, but I gotta admit I was laughing at this.

I think it was the devil-may-care attitude of Jon more than anything that worked for me but the repeated visual gags of Jon implementing his diabolical olfactory themed sabotages in various locations made me laugh too so what can I say, I’m not as sophisticated as I’d like to think I am.
The very idea of a guy dedicating his working life to covertly stinking up the place whenever the opportunity arose is totally absurd but da?n its funny and executed it brilliantly in my opinion.

Really loved the opening page…and you know what the always say about them having to be killer. Great visual description of the office to begin with thus immediately setting the scene for us, clean, precise and functional.  From Jon’s less then complimentary opening V.O. about his boss, his skulking from the copy room to the cubicle and subsequent explanation for his “crop dusting” technique, you had me smiling, great start.

The break room scene was comical too, must try that in the office I work in.

You interwove the flashbacks well also. They fitted seamlessly into the piece providing the necessary back-story in short, punchy and most importantly very witty vignettes.

Whatever “they” say about V.O. being frowned upon and to avoid it if possible I reckon you successfully fleshed out a likable rogue-ish personality in Jon. Since he doesn’t really communicate with anyone else (as he mentions at the end) you had to give us a window into his mind somehow. The most obvious been V.O. and I feel you handled it admirably. As I said, some great lines in there.

The mother seemed like an uber cu?t, probably why Jon has turned out this way but given the tone of the piece it more than accommodated for larger than life cartoonish characters like having a tyrannical, filthy mouthed, cigarette-sucking-whilst-cooking women as a  mother.

Ha ha, loved the use of the word “unit” to describe one’s genitals, nice.

I liked what you done with the ending having the boss intervene. Loved the “botanical rose garden and “shit wagon rodeo” lines. I figured, on the basis of the logline, that it was going to end with Jon “following through” in his pants while at work or something. Especially when he consumed that horrendous concoction, I thought that’s where it was definitely headed so well done for confounding my expectations anyway, nothing worse then predictability.

Liked his penultimate line too about sorting himself out, getting a friend, a girlfriend and to stop talking to himself. Good ole self deprecating humour, can’t beat it.

Overall, I really liked this, James, I took it for what it is; not too seriously with tongue planted firmly in cheek. It’s not often I can honestly say that I enjoy or laugh out loud at a particular comedy film or TV show, let alone unproduced comedy screenplays but this worked quite well for me, nice one.

Cheers.

Col.

Hey James, this brought a smile to my face for the final half hour or so of my shift so cheers for that.

Not a lot to say about it really as I think you pretty much nailed what you were going for. If the script was any longer then I think Jon's motivation would need to be stressed a little more, but it's fine how it is at the moment.

I'm not really one for toilet-humour but, as someone said previously, Jon's methods were what took the humour above the 'bog' standard

It may be down to the setting, but the script kind of reminded me of 'Office Space'.

Good stuff mate,

Ste

Quoted from Colkurtz8 so what can I say, I’m not as sophisticated as I’d like to think I am.

Anytime One of my scripts can help somebody come to terms with who they really are, I feel I've accomplished my goals.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 The break room scene was comical too, must try that in the office I work in.

Ha. Lemme know how that works out for ya. I work in a machine shop. we just use air hoses to push farts in a certain persons direction. Works brilliantly up to 20 ft or so.

Im glad that you got Jon was a bit of a recluse. I didn't get into his character too deep.

The mother scene has been questioned. Just want to show a bit of his fuckered up childhood.

Hell ,this might be the best review I've ever gotten. Glad you dug it that much. I worked this idea in the back of my head for awhile. When I found an ending, I wrote in in an hour. Crying the whole time. Thanks for reading Col. And yes, beginning to see a trend that comedy may be my strong point. Gonna take a good look at what I wanna do fom here. Especially if my horror feature tanks. Thanks again for the kind words.

Ste, You shouldn't be reading scripts at work. Or farting in the fridge. I'm glad you liked it. It's way over the top. But thats what I like about placese like this. You can take comedy anywhere. Nobody really gets offended.

Iloved Office Space by the way. Could never fathom writing something that good.

Thanks for reading...

James

Heya James,

Thought I would dust off The Cropduster for a read.
This is pretty amusing. I smiled my way through most of it.
There are minor tech snafus here and there, but they didn't stop me from chuckling.

If his mother is such a cow, I think he started cropdusting with her.
And then the phenomenon grew and grew as he got older. Just a thought.
Fine effort, it stinks in all the right ways.

Nice change of pace. Would like to see more of Jon nailing his boss.
Thanks for posting and keep writing!

Regards,
E.D.

E.D.,

Thanks for reading. I know the montage is screwed up. Most people had a hard time following this as a script because of the overuse of V.O. and O.S. Though, I think filmed the way I wrote it would be funny. Lots of dialogue would be off camera.

His mother is a bit out of place.

Never got any interest on this one. Bunch of locals, need a shitload of extras, though I could cut the high school flashback, it just wouldn't be extremely easy to film I guess.

Thanks for the read. I do enjoy writing comedy, especially that of the lavatorial kind.

James

Hey James,

I know this one has been out there a while, and looks like you've gotten plenty of feedback, but I finally got around to it.  Sorry I waited so long.  I haven't read the other comments, but will peruse them shortly, so I apologize if anything I say is repetitive.

Anyway, I gotta say, I enjoyed it.  It's gross, but I enjoyed it.  I mean, farts are funny, ther's just no getting around it.  I'm not sure you are going to win any Academy Awards for this one, but I thought it was funny.  Plus, I've always loved the imagery of the term "Cropduster" - always makes me chuckle.  Clearly a guy thing though.

Couple of high points for me below.

Jon's mom sounds like Eminem's mother.

P.4 - loved the Nurse's line about his unit.

Liked the montage on P.6 - see he could indeed reach his ass as high as the micro!

haha - cleaning lady.

Anyway, good luck.

Craig

New to SS and just read your script, pretty funny, farts usually are and love the Cropdusting parts and art form stuff. My only thing with this script is that he doesn't have the problem early enough for me and the problem isn't big enough, and is solved to easily. In shorts I feel things have to develop a lot quicker and in this Jon's road block happens late in the script, it's minor and solved quickly and the next road happens and it's over.

I really like the tag at the end.

Craig,

Hey, thanks for the read. Glad you liked it. It was simply meant to be some light humor. Yes, And it is probably mostly a guy thing. I had fun writing it. Definitely wouldn't get any academy nods, but I think it would make a funny little film.

mode11,

Nice to see a new guy commenting on scripts here. The story does develop back end heavy, I used more in the beginning to just get some humor across. Once he loses his ability to fart it all comes to a close very fast. I do think the problem is big enough. At least for Jon, Cropdusting was his reason for living. When he lost that he was devastated. Thanks for the read and advice. This one's gotten plenty. I've no plans to re-write it unless it gets some attention from someone who wants to make it.

James

I'm sorely disappointed not to see a dutch oven in here. SHAME on you James.

Besides that, I thought this was hilarious. Laughed out loud more than once. That seldom happens to me. Well done!

My only grip would be that the story feels a bit superficial. I know you can't be deep with this subject matter, I get it, but...

I noticed that Jon's farts only annoy people he doesn't care much about (coworkers) or people he hates (like his boss). What if his farts push away someone he CARES about? Have you considered, for example, giving him a love interest? Could add an emotional layer to all the hilarious and creative farting.

Anyhow. Solid work here. Very fun read.

Merry Christmas.  

Matias.

Merry Christmas! Thanks for the read. Glad you laughed.

As far as the love interest, I really wanted Jon to seem like a loner. If I rewrite this I would develop his motives a bit more. Him being picked on by the jocks at high school flashback, then him making them smell his farts as revenge.

If I were to expand on it, I could see an interesting argument from his girlfriend... And a dutch oven opportunity.

Thanks again you fuck, stop writing so good. Makes me wanna throw in the towel.

James

Hey James.

I haven't read this good old-fashioned country story yet, but I just wanted to let you know that if anybody could write a good story about a farmer taking care for their crops, it would be another good-old country Ohio boy from the mid-west like you.

I can't wait to read it.  I wonder what kind of crop the farmer grows.  Corn?  Maybe wheat?  I'm so excited to find out!!

OH MY GOODNESS!  THERE WASN'T A CROP IN THIS STORY AT ALL!

Oh, wait a second.  There was cabbage.  Nevermind, you're good.


What's up, James?

This was funny.  I found myself chuckling a lot when I was reading it.

I noticed a lot of people thought of Spiderman while they were reading it and I can see where they're coming from.  Myself, I was thinking of 'Fight Club', with the heavy voiceover and his retaliating against his boss.  Just had that vibe for me.

When others read this, they probably had more of a lighthearted slapstick thing going on in their heads.  That might be how you were picturing it when you wrote this, too.  Myself, for some reason, I got more of a black comedy vibe out of it

Overall, I think it was well written minus just a couple typos here and there, (which have been pointed out already).

Quoted from craiger6 I'm not sure you are going to win any Academy Awards for this one, but I thought it was funny.

I don't know about that.  If this is fleshed out, I think it really has a chance of taking home 'Best Special Effect'.

:-)

As for the ending, I thought Jon (because of how you built up his needing to take a crap), was going to end up shittin' a nice big gooey corn-ladden Cleveland steamer right on Walter's desk.

It was very funny for what it was, though, and I was entertained and enjoyed it pretty much the whole way through.

- Mark

Hey Youngstown,

Thanks for reading. This is the best comedy I've written to date, IMO. I like the fact the everyone thought jon was just gonna shit his pants at the end. It helps make the twist work.

I'm not sure about the Fight Club reference. All I remember is Brad Pit spitting blood in lou's face... "let us keep the club Lou! Let us keep the club". Prolly drumming up the wrong scene.

As many good reviews as I've gotten on this one, its has zero queries as to be filmed. I guess  maybe too many locations. The flashback at highschool would be tough too.

Your first post makes this even funnier to me. You actually thought I had a clue about real cropdusting because I live in Ohio?

I laughed my ass off writing it though. Thanks again...

James

Hi James this is Vaproduction and here is my review.

Now how should I say this.... In a smelly way? lol Well I must say that Im that interested in the idea of a story about someone thinking that they should fart 15 times a day but it seems like a interesting problem someone could have. But other than that I rate this a 2 out 5 for the lack of interest I had in the story itself. But I see others did get a laugh out of it but I didn't...but maybe just maybe if I actually seen this as a movie I might laugh and give it a 4 out of 5 but not until then. Peace.

Looks like you had a lot of fun writing this. I had fun reading it. Could make an SNL skit. They should have Jim Carrey play James...I mean Jon.

Love the great power line. Classic twist on words.

Man, I'm thinking chili for lunch today!

Thanks for the read Vap, sorry you didn't like it too much. Its a hard script to follow with all the V.O. and O.S. dialogue. It would make a funny film IMO.

Thanks for the read Kevin. Yes, this was a blast to write. I still laugh when I read it sometimes. Glad you enjoyed it...

James