SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 18th, 2024, 11:42pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Feedback
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Feedback  (currently 1390 views)
Don
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 12:17pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16369
Posts Per Day
1.94
Feedback by Frank MacCrory - Short, Comedy - A screenwriter tries to explain why he is so frustrated with the feedback his script received. 1 page - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
IamGlenn
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 1:55pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group


:)

Location
Dublin, Ireland, Europe, The World.
Posts
692
Posts Per Day
0.20
In the very first action block there's an orphan. Not good.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 14
ajr
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 3:24pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1482
Posts Per Day
0.28
There's an orphan in every line. That's the point of the script.


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 14
Zack
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 3:28pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Erlanger, KY
Posts
4479
Posts Per Day
0.69
Clever.

Zack
Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 14
Matthew Taylor
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 3:46pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Shakespeare's county
Posts
1770
Posts Per Day
0.89
Terrible, not a single Wrylie.


Quoted from ajr
There's an orphan in every line. That's the point of the script.


I think Glenn was being sarcastic


Feature

42.2

Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it
Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 14
IamGlenn
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 4:00pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group


:)

Location
Dublin, Ireland, Europe, The World.
Posts
692
Posts Per Day
0.20
Sorry, ajr. Sarcasm is tough to get through online.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 14
Pleb
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 5:04pm Report to Moderator
New


Location
UK
Posts
444
Posts Per Day
0.15
is this a rewrite of the script that was up recently?


Logged
Private Message Reply: 6 - 14
FrankM
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 11:21pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Between Chair and Keyboard
Posts
1447
Posts Per Day
0.63

Quoted from IamGlenn
In the very first action block there's an orphan. Not good.



Feature-length scripts:
Who Wants to Be a Princess? (Family)
Glass House (Horror anthology)

TV pilots:
"Kord" (Fantasy)
"Mal Suerte" (Superhero)

Additional scripts are listed here.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 14
FrankM
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 11:24pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Between Chair and Keyboard
Posts
1447
Posts Per Day
0.63

Quoted from Pleb
is this a rewrite of the script that was up recently?


This is basically the same one that I put up in the WIP section. I had formatted the OP the way Don formats official script threads, mostly because the idea popped into my head while submissions were closed for the OWC.


Feature-length scripts:
Who Wants to Be a Princess? (Family)
Glass House (Horror anthology)

TV pilots:
"Kord" (Fantasy)
"Mal Suerte" (Superhero)

Additional scripts are listed here.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 14
FrankM
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 11:25pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Between Chair and Keyboard
Posts
1447
Posts Per Day
0.63

Quoted from IamGlenn
Sorry, ajr. Sarcasm is tough to get through online.


Next time your dialogue isn't clear from the context, you can always use a wrylie


Feature-length scripts:
Who Wants to Be a Princess? (Family)
Glass House (Horror anthology)

TV pilots:
"Kord" (Fantasy)
"Mal Suerte" (Superhero)

Additional scripts are listed here.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 9 - 14
bert
Posted: February 19th, 2019, 7:47am Report to Moderator
Administrator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4232
Posts Per Day
0.61
This is kind of funny and kind of pointless at the same time.

Problem is, for a script, the joke only works in scripted form.

It's totally inside baseball, with nothing here to film.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 10 - 14
FrankM
Posted: February 19th, 2019, 12:15pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Between Chair and Keyboard
Posts
1447
Posts Per Day
0.63

Quoted from bert
This is kind of funny and kind of pointless at the same time.

Problem is, for a script, the joke only works in scripted form.

It's totally inside baseball, with nothing here to film.


This is true, it's akin to using goofy variable names and comments inside a computer program. There is something to film, but the main point would be completely lost in that format.

The best thing that could possibly happen to this script would be becoming a gag in a book on writing, but even without that, I thought the SS community would get a kick out of it.


Feature-length scripts:
Who Wants to Be a Princess? (Family)
Glass House (Horror anthology)

TV pilots:
"Kord" (Fantasy)
"Mal Suerte" (Superhero)

Additional scripts are listed here.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 14
bert
Posted: February 19th, 2019, 1:05pm Report to Moderator
Administrator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4232
Posts Per Day
0.61

Quoted from FrankM
...I thought the SS community would get a kick out of it.


You may or may not be amused to find out that orphans have been kicking around these boards for a while -- in fact, they are nearly adults now, I suppose.

From 2006!


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 12 - 14
FrankM
Posted: February 19th, 2019, 3:10pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Between Chair and Keyboard
Posts
1447
Posts Per Day
0.63

Quoted from bert


You may or may not be amused to find out that orphans have been kicking around these boards for a while -- in fact, they are nearly adults now, I suppose.

From 2006!


2006? Not quite adults, but old enough to try to fake it...

https://youtu.be/j7bxmgAnLG4


Feature-length scripts:
Who Wants to Be a Princess? (Family)
Glass House (Horror anthology)

TV pilots:
"Kord" (Fantasy)
"Mal Suerte" (Superhero)

Additional scripts are listed here.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 14
Kirsten
Posted: February 24th, 2019, 7:28am Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Giving up is not an option....

Location
Kiwi in Ohio
Posts
373
Posts Per Day
0.14
Hahahaha, very cute.


"Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....

'What we do in the Shadows.'
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 14
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006