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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Weird Shit
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Don
Posted: November 8th, 2019, 4:09pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Weird Shit by Steven Clark - Short, Comedy - Rousted out of his bedroom in just his socks and underwear, a nerdy teen has a lot of explaining to do to the F.B.I. 4 pages

production: Three actors, bedroom, interrogation room, minimal budget - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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eldave1
Posted: November 8th, 2019, 8:56pm Report to Moderator
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Well written, Steven. I liked it.  Not much to add.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Andrew
Posted: November 8th, 2019, 9:01pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from eldave1
Well written, Steven. I liked it.  Not much to add.


Ditto.

Nice little short. Can see it being interesting for actors to tackle.

Good luck with it.


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StevenClark
Posted: November 8th, 2019, 11:19pm Report to Moderator
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Cast Your Fate To The Wind

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Thank, Dave and Andrew.

This idea came to me last night so I just wrote it up real quick. I meant it as a little nod and a wink to us screenwriters. God knows I've searched for some crazy shit.

Steve


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LC
Posted: November 8th, 2019, 11:40pm Report to Moderator
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Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

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Me too, Steve!  I often think if they're looking at my browser history they'd think what a strange collection of 'weird shit'. All for creative purposes, of course.

...

It's very good. Very enjoyable. The only thing I think is you could have drawn it out just a teeny bit longer and the ending was a bit abrupt.

I do get that you need to balance it however, otherwise you kill the joke.

Agent Orange.


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StevenClark
Posted: November 9th, 2019, 9:20am Report to Moderator
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Cast Your Fate To The Wind

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Quoted from LC
Me too, Steve!  I often think if they're looking at my browser history they'd think what a strange collection of 'weird shit'. All for creative purposes, of course.

...

It's very good. Very enjoyable. The only thing I think is you could have drawn it out just a teeny bit longer and the ending was a bit abrupt.

I do get that you need to balance it however, otherwise you kill the joke.

Agent Orange.


Libby,

Thanks for reading. I see what you're saying about the ending. A teeny bit longer maybe. I really didn't want there to be too much to this - I was afraid I'd think of another joke and have to figure out a way to shoehorn it in. Hopefully it's balanced well enough.

Steve



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Bayne
Posted: November 10th, 2019, 2:50pm Report to Moderator
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Short, sweet, and the ending made me laugh out loud. Nice work.
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JEStaats
Posted: November 10th, 2019, 3:11pm Report to Moderator
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Hey, Steven - Funny shit. My only gripe is that you gave in too quick. I think it could be drawn just a bit with some more play on Agent Orange. Nicely done, as is, but could be more.

BTW - I'm so hesitant to search certain subjects and you nailed it. Thanks for recognizing our plight!
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Marvin
Posted: November 10th, 2019, 4:05pm Report to Moderator
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Steven,

I like the idea. I think Chad should protest his innocence for a while longer when being interrogated, hence draw out the humour for a little longer. it seems the federal agents are too quick to release him, especially seeing as they went to all the effort to monitor and arrest him in the first place.

Nice idea though and well wrote.
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StevenClark
Posted: November 10th, 2019, 10:28pm Report to Moderator
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Cast Your Fate To The Wind

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Quoted from Bayne
Short, sweet, and the ending made me laugh out loud. Nice work.


Thanks, Chris. Glad you enjoyed it.


Quoted from JEStaats
Hey, Steven - Funny shit. My only gripe is that you gave in too quick. I think it could be drawn just a bit with some more play on Agent Orange. Nicely done, as is, but could be more.

BTW - I'm so hesitant to search certain subjects and you nailed it. Thanks for recognizing our plight!


Thanks, I'm glad it mostly worked for you. You're probably right, Agent Orange could have been done a little more. Guess I was just being economical. Funny, ever since Back To School and Dean Martin I always had a thing for funny names.


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StevenClark
Posted: November 11th, 2019, 10:10pm Report to Moderator
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Cast Your Fate To The Wind

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Quoted from Marvin
Steven,

I like the idea. I think Chad should protest his innocence for a while longer when being interrogated, hence draw out the humour for a little longer. it seems the federal agents are too quick to release him, especially seeing as they went to all the effort to monitor and arrest him in the first place.

Nice idea though and well wrote.


Thanks for the comments, Marvin. I understand what you're saying about stretching this out. A few people have said that, and had this been a serious piece I probably would have done that. But, being a comedy, I wanted it light and quick so I just sort of got in and got out. Again, thanks for the read.

Steve


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Colkurtz8
Posted: November 14th, 2019, 8:49pm Report to Moderator
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Well put together and amusing in parts.

The punchline is a bit naff but at only 4 pages it just about qualifies itself.

I know, damning with faint praise personified


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StevenClark
Posted: November 15th, 2019, 11:29pm Report to Moderator
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Cast Your Fate To The Wind

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Quoted from Colkurtz8
Well put together and amusing in parts.

The punchline is a bit naff but at only 4 pages it just about qualifies itself.

I know, damning with faint praise personified


Thanks, Colonel. I think. No -- really appreciate the read, as always. Maybe some day soon I'll have something a little bigger and broader for you to sink your teeth into.

Steve



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Zack
Posted: November 24th, 2019, 8:42pm Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Hey, Dude. Gave this a read. Not sure how I feel about it.

On one hand, it's written well. It moved fast, no hang ups. Not overly visual, but solid enough.

Storywise... This just kinda left me hanging. It seems like this joke had some more legs, but you cut it off so quick. The two detective's gave up far too easily. After Chad reveals that he's a writer, the detective's should pry a bit more. Ask what he's writing. Ask why he's researching granny porn. Maybe Chad replies "The porn, oh that's not for my writing. That's for masturbating." Lol

Still, not a bad effort. Just needs something more.






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StevenClark
Posted: November 24th, 2019, 11:19pm Report to Moderator
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Cast Your Fate To The Wind

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Quoted from Zack
Hey, Dude. Gave this a read. Not sure how I feel about it.

On one hand, it's written well. It moved fast, no hang ups. Not overly visual, but solid enough.

Storywise... This just kinda left me hanging. It seems like this joke had some more legs, but you cut it off so quick. The two detective's gave up far too easily. After Chad reveals that he's a writer, the detective's should pry a bit more. Ask what he's writing. Ask why he's researching granny porn. Maybe Chad replies "The porn, oh that's not for my writing. That's for masturbating." Lol

Still, not a bad effort. Just needs something more.






Thanks for reading, Zack. Yeah, I guess it definitely can be extended. Mostly everyone who read it said so. I wrote it real quick one night in between things, so I didn't give it too much attention. Maybe I should have. At least drag out the granny porn! haha.

Anyways, just got an email about this script, so let's see if anything happens.


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