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The Diver - Filmed (currently 2063 views) |
Don |
Posted: October 8th, 2017, 9:29am |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16561 Posts Per Day 1.92 |
The Diver by Max Ruddock - Short, Drama - An epiphanal moment in an athlete's life when he finally understands the reason behind his lack of success. 1 page production: Ultra short one-pager with one location and one actor. - pdf, format
Writer interested in feedback on this work |
| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown) |
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khamanna |
Posted: October 8th, 2017, 2:31pm |
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January Project Group
Posts4222 Posts Per Day 0.77 |
Nice beginning. Very well done actually. But for me you left it undone. It calls for more at the end - for the punch. Maybe just me, see what the others say. |
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BSaunders |
Posted: October 10th, 2017, 7:24am |
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LocationGold Coast Posts271 Posts Per Day 0.08 |
It's alright. Read worse things |
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Pleb |
Posted: October 10th, 2017, 7:25am |
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LocationUK Posts433 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
Hi Khamanna,
Thanks for taking the time to read it and share your thoughts.
You're probably right about it needing a little more. I had gone with the less is more approach, but it's probably a little too sparse. In fact I've been contacted by a producer with an interest in making it, but they asked if it'd be possible for me to beef it up a little too.
So with that in mind I'm going to have another look at it and see what I can come with.
Cheers
Max |
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Pleb |
Posted: October 10th, 2017, 7:56am |
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LocationUK Posts433 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
Thanks for taking the time to have a read BSaunders,
Encouraging stuff.
Cheers
Max |
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Don |
Posted: October 13th, 2017, 1:44pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16561 Posts Per Day 1.92 |
This has been optioned.
- Don |
| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: October 13th, 2017, 2:24pm |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4367 Posts Per Day 1.10 |
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Pleb |
Posted: October 18th, 2017, 5:58am |
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LocationUK Posts433 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
Thanks Anthony
Much appreciated.
I had to beef it up a little in a rewrite but they shot it late last week, so I'm happy something came of it.
Fingers crossed it turns out well.
Cheers
Max |
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eldave1 |
Posted: October 18th, 2017, 9:32am |
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January Project Group
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.86 |
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: October 18th, 2017, 1:29pm |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4367 Posts Per Day 1.10 |
Wow that was quick Max, wish some of the people 'working' on my scripts were half as quick!
Look forward to seeing it. |
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Pleb |
Posted: October 19th, 2017, 4:18am |
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LocationUK Posts433 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
Haha yeah really quick. I think they were just looking for something they could shoot off the cuff. And cos it only has one location, one actor and all the dialogue can be done in post, it was easy for them to do.
I'm just hoping it doesn't look rushed when it's finished. |
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Pleb |
Posted: January 14th, 2019, 5:27pm |
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LocationUK Posts433 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
Well, I got to see the end result not too long back and whilst it's visually lovely and has a great score, it's utter shit.
Honestly, when the credits popped up I was like, what the fuck was that even meant to be about?
Oh well, I guess that's always a risk once something is out of your hands eh...
Cheers for the messages anyway guys.
Max |
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Pale Yellow |
Posted: January 14th, 2019, 9:05pm |
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January Project Group
Posts2082 Posts Per Day 1.26 |
Super duper congrats on option!! |
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Pleb |
Posted: January 15th, 2019, 5:01pm |
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LocationUK Posts433 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
Thanks Pale Yellow.
I wasn't super happy with the end result but I got a credit on IMDb off it... albeit a shared one with the director.
Apparently shooting something in a different order deserves a writing credit. Who knew?
Oh well.
Cheers,
Max
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RobbieD |
Posted: January 23rd, 2019, 6:08pm |
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LocationUK Posts26 Posts Per Day 0.01 |
Hi Max,
I liked the script, and can picture the scene. Is there anywhere we can see the end result / film?
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Pleb |
Posted: January 23rd, 2019, 7:14pm |
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LocationUK Posts433 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
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Warren |
Posted: January 23rd, 2019, 8:19pm |
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Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3890 Posts Per Day 1.28 |
Hi Max, Had a read of the script and then watched the short. I read all the previous comments so I know your feelings about the film, but I like it. Looks good, sounds good, unfortunately the problem is that without reading the script, this --
Quoted Text MAN (V.O.) ...not my fear of failing. (beat) But my fear of letting go. |
-- doesn’t really come though. So I can see your frustration. I imagine it would have been so easy to add the V.O. in post and it gives the whole thing meaning, but what can you do. Maybe you just have to sell it as an arthouse film I’d still be happy to have it to my name. |
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Warren |
Posted: January 23rd, 2019, 8:20pm |
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Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3890 Posts Per Day 1.28 |
You should send it to Don to put in the produced shorts section. |
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RobbieD |
Posted: January 23rd, 2019, 8:35pm |
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LocationUK Posts26 Posts Per Day 0.01 |
Hmm. Like you say, it's quite nicely shot, but went way off script (removing the voice over?) and therefore lost nearly all of the original intention. Damn. It does say, 'based on' in the end titles I suppose... Shame that, the scripted version was a lot better! |
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Pleb |
Posted: January 23rd, 2019, 8:42pm |
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LocationUK Posts433 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
Thanks for taking a look guys.
It won some awards but one of them was in an 'experimental' category or something silly like that. Personally I can't sand that shit haha... I like a story to have the balls to say what it's about rather than hiding behind vague nonsense.
Still, a credit is all good and at this stage I guess I have to just make do with whoring myself out haha |
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Pleb |
Posted: January 23rd, 2019, 8:43pm |
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LocationUK Posts433 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
You should send it to Don to put in the produced shorts section. |
I've no idea how to do that but I'll get on it. Cheers |
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Grandma Bear |
Posted: January 23rd, 2019, 8:52pm |
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Administrator
LocationThe Swamp... Posts8047 Posts Per Day 1.33 |
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Revision History (1 edits) |
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LC |
Posted: January 23rd, 2019, 9:06pm |
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Administrator
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts7853 Posts Per Day 1.35 |
Max, did you have an exclusive agreement with the filmmaker? If not, state on the thread that this is available again. A lot of upcoming filmmakers want something to add to their showreel and this does the trick cause it's a beautifully filmed snippet of what he or she can do. I didn't really care for the music because I didn't think it added much emotionally. Having said that there wasn't much emotionally to the story arc as filmed anyway. I read the script as well. I think this could be terrific if you could develop it a bit more, add a little more V.O. and add to the story. It doesn't need to be much but to actually show his epiphany and him 'letting go' we need to see the struggle first. Ever see Mr Bean on the high dive? https://youtu.be/Ub1YI7LF3e8It's the comedic version but we see the struggle nonetheless. Revamp it and hopefully get it optioned again. It's a good simple no dialogue inner struggle drama . P.S. I also have experienced the filmmaker giving themself a writer credit because they changed an Aussie slang word to U.S. equivalent. |
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Pleb |
Posted: January 23rd, 2019, 9:23pm |
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LocationUK Posts433 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
Cheers Angry Bear,
I'll send that link to Don now. |
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Pleb |
Posted: January 23rd, 2019, 9:26pm |
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LocationUK Posts433 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
Hey LC,
Nope, never had an exclusive deal with him. And funnily enough there is a longer version as he asked me to add a bit more to it, then didn't use it anyways (grrr!).
Hadn't thought about it until you mentioned it but I'll probably submit the longer one now.
Cheers, I appreciate the advice It's solid.
"P.S. I also have experienced the filmmaker giving themself a writer credit because they changed an Aussie slang word to U.S. equivalent."
jeez I think that's even worse! |
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Don |
Posted: January 23rd, 2019, 11:16pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16561 Posts Per Day 1.92 |
I've no idea how to do that but I'll get on it.
Cheers
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Max, You need to send an email to webmaster@simplyscripts.com Include a link to the vid and the name of the script. I can take it from there. If you have a poster handy, include that, but not necessary. The reason for the email is I tend to work out of my email and the chances of me forgetting to do it are less. Don +++++++++++ Deleted Scene +++++++++ Max, You send an email to webmaster@simplyscripts.com with the subject line, "Come bask in my reflected glory" Begin with, "To the lovely and talented Don, I now rank amongst the heady few who have been produced, look upon my work {title of script} at: {video link} and despair. " Don |
| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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Philostrate |
Posted: January 24th, 2019, 4:58pm |
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New
Posts340 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
Quoted Text So I can see your frustration. I imagine it would have been so easy to add the V.O. in post and it gives the whole thing meaning, but what can you do. |
I'll never understand some decisions directors make... At least, it's nicely shot. Congrats, Max! |
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Pleb |
Posted: January 27th, 2019, 7:06am |
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LocationUK Posts433 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
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SAC |
Posted: January 28th, 2019, 1:51pm |
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Of The Ancients … but some dreams do
LocationUpstate NY Posts3228 Posts Per Day 0.76 |
Good luck on the option. Hope this gets done. That said, this was very profound, IMO, for half a page. Good job!!
Edit: Oh I see it was made. Well, congratulations then! |
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Pleb |
Posted: January 31st, 2019, 8:46pm |
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LocationUK Posts433 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
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