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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    Short Horror - October 06 One Week Challenge  ›  Spoiled: Milked Edition
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  Author    Spoiled: Milked Edition  (currently 15106 views)
Don
Posted: October 21st, 2006, 8:33am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Spoiled: Milked Edition by Jordan Weibe (theboywhocouldfly) - Short, Horror - A disturbing tale about a young man and his unhealthy  relationship with his mother.  22 pages (warning - very disturbing)     A October '06 One Week Challenge entry - pdf, format


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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  October 14th, 2007, 1:35pm
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Alex J. Cooper
Posted: October 21st, 2006, 12:06pm Report to Moderator
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Oh Jebus.... I tilt my cap to who ever wrote this for this is the scariest thing i have ever read, more disturbing than scary.

I was listening to the interlude of 2001: A Space Odyssey at the killing of Robert bit.

Wow, this fills both genre and item sections so well. Don't know whether to say good work or get help. No, good work.

This was well written also and the story just had good flow, well done.


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tomson
Posted: October 21st, 2006, 12:32pm Report to Moderator
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This was sick indeed, but I like sick, so good job.

Well written, especially the beginning. Made my skin crawl. It reminded me a little too much of psycho to be perfect and I thought the mother switched from being a sicko herself to condemning Jeremy a little too easily.

Good job, can't wait to see who wrote this one.
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Parker
Posted: October 21st, 2006, 12:37pm Report to Moderator
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Yikes... very, very, very, very disturbing tale this one is... but it is very, very good.

SPOILERS MAYBE...

Everything in this was almost cringing material... I've never been a fan of incest in films... I hope no one really is... but it is surely horror that you've wrote, whoever you are.

All I can say is the story itself is, somewhat, recognisable in some aspects of it... I'm not sure where from but I can see it. It's not totally unique but you've definitely won a prize for the best genre and subject integration.

It's well written but with a few grammar/spelling mistakes. The ending is great. The killing of Robert nearly made me puke but it worked. This is the best I've read so far.

Jamie


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Seth
Posted: October 21st, 2006, 1:33pm Report to Moderator
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This one is well written. It's clean, coherent. The subject matter is, as others have said, sick -- but perfect given the assigned theme.

Seth


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Zombie Sean
Posted: October 21st, 2006, 1:45pm Report to Moderator
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What word can I use that wasn't used by the above posters? Um....Demented? Incest? Disgusting?

Well, at least it fits in the category. This was very disturbing indeed, and my facial expressions were changing every few lines. Even I can't imagine somebody doing that, and this made me cringe, and as I have stated before, it takes a lot to make me cringe.

Sean


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mgj
Posted: October 21st, 2006, 2:24pm Report to Moderator
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I'm not gonna be so diplomatic as the others.  This was bad on many levels.  Being sick and twisted is not a virtue in and of itself.  Whoever you are, you need to learn this.    

If there was a point or a moral to this story then I would have been open-minded about it.  

[edit]

In fairness this was competently written.  Those were my honest feelings though so I have to stick by them.  Just one question - what exactly was your inspiration for this piece.  On second thought, I don't want to know.


"If at first, the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it." - Albert Einstein

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chism
Posted: October 22nd, 2006, 1:32am Report to Moderator
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I liked it but I don't think it was as disgusting or disturbing as a lot of you people do, which either means I'm a rational human being or a disgusting freak, either way the entire premise of Freudian psychology is that every man wants to sleep with his mother and kill his father.

But anyway, it was a well written piece, pretty creepy. It actually has some potential as a feature, although 90 pages of a son making love to his mother may be a little too much for an audience to handle, so maybe we should just leave it at that. Well done.


Cheers, Chism.
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Martin
Posted: October 22nd, 2006, 5:58am Report to Moderator
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I think the author of this one will want to remain anonymous indefinitely

I can't say I "enjoyed" it but it was certainly compelling and quite unsettling. I think the reason it's so disturbing is the Freudian aspect. The premise is not entirely unbelievable if you are to believe Freud's theories on the subject. That is what makes this one so unsettling.

Anyway, it's well written and well paced, but I think it could have been handled with a bit more subtlety. A few parts were just gratuitous and could probably have been implied to greater effect.

Overall, this stuck to the genre and theme very well and it definitely turned my stomach. Nice job.

Oh, and I have a feeling I know the maggot who wrote this one
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Steve-Dave
Posted: October 22nd, 2006, 7:05am Report to Moderator
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Wow...I just....wow...ummm....this was....wow. Words can't really describe this one. demented is an understatement. But i really liked this though, to some degree. In the terms that what I expect out of a horror is to make you unsettled and expose you to something that you don't necessarily want to be exposed to. So, in a way we should all thank you for the pleasant torture of reading this.

But even storyline aside, this was well written, and paced well. Very sick stuff. Great job.


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Higgonaitor
Posted: October 22nd, 2006, 10:39am Report to Moderator
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Hey.

Ew.

I feel inclined to point out that womans breast stop producing milk not too long after childbirth.  Suspended disbelief I suppose.

Ew.

-Tyler


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CindyLKeller
Posted: October 22nd, 2006, 11:20am Report to Moderator
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This one fit the challenge alright, so congrats on that. It was well written, but sick, like the others before me have said... Real sick.
Not my kind of horror, but that's okay. It still gave me the creeps, and that is what this challenge was supposed to do. Right?

Good job,

Cindy


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bert
Posted: October 22nd, 2006, 11:20am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Higgonaitor
I feel inclined to point out that womans breast stop producing milk not too long after childbirth.


That isn't true, Higgs.  As long as you keep milking them, they keep producing.


Quoted Text
(warning - very disturbing)


Is this message from Don or the author?  In either case, it certainly isn't necessary -- I've seen plenty worse around these boards.


Quoted from mgj
Being sick and twisted is not a virtue in and of itself.


I agree, mgj.  But while there might have been a little of that going on here, I found a complete story, with justifications (such as they are) for the way our characters behaved, and a certain logic (such as it is) in the telling.


Quoted from Martin
Oh, and I have a feeling...


Agreed.  That's part of the reason I am a little more willing to accept this story at face value than others might be.  Good job to the author.  This isn't my favorite of these, but I found plenty here to like, as well.


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Shawnkjr
Posted: October 22nd, 2006, 3:04pm Report to Moderator
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ugh. this was gross.
But it was well written.
The voice over worked well. Have you ever seen a movie called "Sleepwalkers"? The mother and son relationship reminds me of that movie. Queston: How is the mother still producing milk when she had a kid 19 years ago. Your title makes sense and is more suited to the story than the other "Spoiled".
Um..that all. good job.


-shawn


Scarefest 2 presents: Home Malone - Short/Horror http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1220187087/
Spoiled - OWC Horror/Milk Exercise
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Higgonaitor
Posted: October 22nd, 2006, 3:09pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Shawnkjr
Queston: How is the mother still producing milk when she had a kid 19 years ago.
-shawn


I thought the same thing and it turns out I was wrong, Bert was right, I did a little research.


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